17-thoughts-on-the-apparent-sexiness-of-big-love

1. Two things I never want to see again: Bill Paxton's ass cheeks. His buttocks peaked in Weird Science. I appreciated the hypothetically feminist twist: he may have had three wives, but it was the dude's body being made into an erotic object. However, much like communism — or polygamy (eh, eh?) — this idea was better in theory than reality.

2. On second thought, maybe one Paxton butt-sighting should be allowed. It'll be a nostalgic look back at something that was once disturbing but has now mellowed into an amusing memory. Kinda like JAMS.

3. Season Four will find the Henrickson clan working to open their very own casino. Which Henrickson child will become a gambling addict? My money's on Tancy — oh wait, the new Tancy. Child stars are interchangeable. Just ask Becky from Roseanne.

4. [Spoiler Alert. Seriously.] Forget penny-slots. What I've really been waiting for is Barb to cut loose, because you know beneath her prim, buttoned-up exterior she's got volcanic levels of sexual repression, percolating like her morning coffee. And now word on the internet street is that Barb will have an affair with Tommy Flute (Adam Beach), the son of Bill's business partner. My excitement at this news can only be compared to teen girls' and James Brady Ryan's obsession with Taylor Lautner's abs.

5. [Spoiler Alert, continued] Beach reportedly said that a make-out scene with Barb was so hot "he almost lost track of when and where the scene ended." Take that, Kristin Stewart.

6. Season Four drinking game: shots whenever a bad "flute" pun is made. If that doesn't get you drunk, add in drinks whenever Bill bizarrely overreacts and drives up to Juniper Creek in a rage; when Bill's mom makes a hilarious, you-are-dumb-as-hell face; or when she tries to convince Wanda to kill (or not kill) someone.

7. Speaking of Bill's mom, she practiced her you-are-dumb-as-hell faces when she played Susan's mom on Seinfeld. We are all connected.

8. It still creeps me out that Bill is old enough to be Margene's dad. But not as much as it will if Margene and her stepson Ben end up lovers.

9. I was lying. I actually want Margene and Ben to have sex. Am I going to hell for this?

10. Oh wait, my friendly office Mormon just told me Mormons don't believe in hell. I'll just end up in the Outer Darkness.

11. Speaking of which, when will bad-girl Nicki embrace being bad in bed? She's narcissistic, utterly self-absorbed, and delusional in every other area in her life. That will be the sexual awakening to end all sexual awakenings. We can see her now, fresh from an afternoon quickie, humming "Bad Romance" and strolling fearlessly into Henrickson's Home Plus in a calf-length jean skirt, the world be damned!

12. "Margene" has a "blog" in which she uses the term "sugar boobs."

13. Oscar-winner Sissy Spacek will be guest-starring as a D.C. lobbyist starting in episode three. Bill's got a brunette, a blond, and a twenty-something — will he now be tempted by the ginger? (And is the term "ginger" offensive, or just British?) Sidebar: Spacek might be the only actress to ever be credible while going by the name "Sissy."

14. Since this is her final season, can someone please find Amanda Seyfried something to do besides brush her long, blond hair? I hear she can fit her entire fist in her mouth.

15. Which will happen first: Alby Grant coming out of the closet, or Roman Grant coming back from the dead?

16. Big Love Facebook fan comments are priceless:

"By the time this season is over I'll be a Mommy! If my husband tries to make another lady a Mommy, they'll have to give me my own show after they report what I do to him!!! jk lol....!!!!"

"Margene, our household is waiting with open arms when you come to your senses."

"I LOVE THIS SHOW! EVERY MAN deserves to have at least 2 or 3 wives ... AT LEAST! :)"

17. I asked my friendly office Mormon what he thinks of the show. "You mean besides the obvious?" he said. When I asked what the obvious was, he blushed, stammered, then stopped speaking to me.

Commentarium (12 Comments)

Jan 08 10 - 11:15am
dora

I can't wait for sunday!! chloe sevigney is the best reason to watch this show. though now i'll have to check out margene's blog...

Jan 08 10 - 12:28pm
Get it on!

Agreed! I would love it if Ben & Margene hooked up!! Ben is Hawt!!

Jan 08 10 - 1:56pm
Laura

Ginger is offensive most of the time in U.S. Mostly it comes from the South Park episode.
(I'm a red head)

Jan 08 10 - 4:07pm
pott

I'm jealous that you have an office mormon

Jan 09 10 - 3:14pm
LydiaSarah

I'm a redhead also and I often use the term "ginger" myself. Yes, it is originally a British term, not from South Park. It can be used in a derogatory way but it doesn't have to be. In Israel, redheads get called "gingie" and it is usually meant as a compliment, often flirtatious in nature. At least in my experience.

Amanda Seyfried is leaving after this season? They'd better salvage her character this season then. I've always really liked Sarah but I wanted to punch her multiple times last season for all her crappy decisions. Scott? SCOTT! EW!

Jan 09 10 - 3:17pm
LydiaSarah

Also, I really, REALLY hope the Ben/Margene thing doesn't go anywhere. It's so tacky. And isn't Ben at all perturbed by the fact that Margene is the mother of 3 of his siblings? Yuck!

Jan 10 10 - 3:52pm
BT

I hope they exlore Ben's personality more this season, and how being raised in such a household affects his views of dating and relationships. So far, he seems to be leaning towards his family's more traditional values, while his sister flees from them. And no wonder.

Jan 11 10 - 2:13pm
heatherk

LOVE the drinking game suggestions! Being a recovery mormon, I love whenever they reference actual things people in the church blindly believe. They have to have a number of ex-mormon writers. LOVE IT! I'm hooked!

Jan 17 10 - 7:17am
YoYo.Fishing

"Banking on Heaven" tells the real story. "Big Love" is just fluff.

Jan 27 10 - 3:45pm
Pepper

I want Ben and Margene to hook up. I've wanted it from the beginning. And I'm happy for Barb that she is branching out. Barb has put up with too much for too long. I actually want her to leave Bill. I would be so mad if my husband decided after so many years of marriage that I was going to have to share him with another woman. And Ginger is not offensive to me and I'm a redhead. In fact, that's my nickname from a few of my friends.

May 06 10 - 10:34am
Pharmc915

Hello! egaeccf interesting egaeccf site!

Nov 15 11 - 5:59pm
Amelita

Very late comment, I assume, but I only have the fourth season of Big Love here in France

I wanted Margene and Ben to make out to, but no
Same thing for Barb and Tommy Flute, but still, no
I hate Nikki. But she was much better in the third season with the DA!
In fact, I hate Bill, and hopefully I've never had to watch the first season of Big Love (with all the sex -well, with all the naked Bill Paxton-) and I would have prefer to see all of his so called wives fly away, far far far far away from him.
Margene would have elope with Ben, Barbara with Tommy (the sauna scene almost killed me because nothing was happening!), and Nikki with her DA (I can't remember his name!)

Whatever, this is a great article! and if I could, I would end the serie in my own way...
(PS: I'd like to apologize if my englsih is horrible: I'm french!)