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February 10, 2010
Ten Mistakes That Could Ruin Ghostbusters III
Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, and Harold Ramis could make the great sequel we've wanted for years — if they avoid these blunders.
by James Greene, Jr.
The geek world rejoiced last year when numerous sources confirmed that a third installment of Ghostbusters was on its way, featuring most of the principals from the first two movies. (Come back, Rick Moranis, all is forgiven!) The honeymoon period is over, though, and ghostheads are beginning to express concerns regarding this second sequel's potential quality. Remember how good everyone thought The Godfather Part III would be? We now present ten commandments Ghostbusters III must follow to achieve greatness.
1. Thou Shalt Not Anthropomorphize Slimer Any Further
Am I on drugs, or did I see Slimer driving a damn bus with a hat and everything in the last Ghostbusters movie? That "Real Ghostbusters" cartoon did more damage than we thought. If the Ghostbusters actually have a ghost hanging around their firehouse and interacting with them on a regular basis, well, that kind of negates their entire business model, doesn't it? That's like an exterminator who lets rats hang out in his kitchen. Besides, Bill Murray is cute enough. We don't need a precocious kid substitute. Roll Slimer back to semi-evil or drop him entirely. There will be riots if he pops up in GB3 wearing shades and given voice by Tony Danza.
2. Thou Shalt Not Bring Any More Giant Things To Life
In both Ghostbusters movies, large things show up three quarters of the way in to stomp on crap and elicit hilarious facial expressions from various characters. Don't go for the hat trick, guys, unless the thing you're planning to enlarge this time around is Tracy Morgan. It would be admittedly hilarious to see the 30 Rock star lounging across Fifth Avenue with no shirt on, jamming his finger into windows while hollering at the top of his lungs.
3. Thou Shalt Not Add Any More Extraneous Crap To The Top Of Ecto-1
There's no room left atop the already overloaded ghostbustin' ambulance. What else could they jam up there? A mini-fridge? A drum kit so they can play rockin' solos every time they catch a ghost? Please. The car's roof is under enough stress. You think Ecto-1 can clear the Holland Tunnel as it is? No way that satellite dish stays in place every time they gotta roll over to Hoboken.
4. Thou Shalt Not Introduce Any More Bustin' Technology
Sure, the Ghostbusters video game introduced a lot of neat weapons, but that was a video game. "Slime tethers" don't move walls in real life — bulldozers do. Less is more, folks. Work with the nutrana wands, containment units, and ghost traps you've already got. The fire department only has hoses and trucks, and they've been making that mess work for hundreds of years!
5. Thou Shalt Not Introduce New Uniforms
Nightmares of Seth Rogen in some kind of rubbery X-Men getup dance in our collective heads. Please, stick to the air-force jumpers. These guys are bustin' ghosts, not Magneto.
6. Thou Shalt Not Involve Ben Stiller
Ben Stiller peaked with Heavyweights. Since then, he's just been playing the same dim-witted, easily irritated, and disturbingly ripped loser in every movie. The Ghostbusters do not need a faux Rambo running around Manhattan primping his hair and accidentally proton-charging his nuts. Bobb'e J. Thompson is more worthy of a shot at ghostbusting than the seed of Jerry Stiller's loins.
7. Thou Shalt Use The Original "Ghostbusters" Song
As Run-D.M.C.'s ill-fated cover version from the second movie proved, lightning rarely strikes twice. Commissioning Usher to record "Ghostbusters 2011: Tha Sexxxxy Smoove Remix" would bring only pain and embarrassment to all parties. Ray Parker, Jr.'s original Huey Lewis ripoff is the only theme song anyone really needs in this third flick. That is, unless Hollywood feels like throwing Doug E. Fresh a bone by reusing his awesome "Spirit" from Ghostbusters II. That was the jam back in fifth grade.
8. Thou Shalt Not Cast Any Of The Jonas Brothers As Oscar
Look, Dana Barrett's child Oscar will be making some kind of appearance in GB3. It's just a hard fact we have to deal with. But we can kindly ask the filmmakers not to stunt-cast some teen sensation as Oscar just to ramp up ticket sales. The Jonases may be on their way out culturally, but they're all roughly the right age, and that should scare the hell out of every Ghostbusters fan alive. Think about it: tween girls are a huge demographic. You think they're gonna line up to see Dan Aykoryd's gut?
9. Thou Shalt Not Give The Ghost Logo A Three-Fingered Salute
Seriously, the ghost giving the peace sign was deeply lame, even back in '89. We all know it's the third movie; the logo doesn't need to reflect that.
10. Thou Shalt Not Go 3-D
Ghostbusters was never about the effects, as fun as they were. Ghostbusters was about the quips and the brotherhood and four schlubs standing up to adversity from the netherworld. Focus on the story, not the eye candy. The 3-D trend could look as dated as the third Jaws installment in a few years. Do we really want the third (and probably final) Ghostbusters chapter to evoke Dennis Quaid's acting nadir?
Commentarium (39 Comments)
somehow, whenever i mention heavyweights, nobody has any recollection of it, which is a shame. i loved that movie.
of course, you're right. nothing ben stiller has done since the mid nineties has made me especially happy, and i've actively been avoiding movies featuring his comedic stylings.
@eurrapanzy First, love the name. =] Second, Heavyweights was amazing. =D
Also, I am a little confused as to how they would make a third without at least one of these things?
Brilliant list. But what about Winston???
Agree on these. Slimer has the potential to be the Jar Jar Binks of the Ghostbusters franchise if they are not careful.
When I saw a rough-cut of the original "Ghostbusters" in '84, at a recruited screening (I was in high school at the time), Ray Parker's theme song was not yet complete, so as a temp track in the print that was screened, Huey Lewis's "I Want a New Drug" was used at the beginning of the film. Later, Huey Lewis sued Columbia claiming that Ray Parker's theme song was stolen from his own song, and the filmmakers claimed that "I Want a New Drug" wasn't in their minds when Parker's theme was recorded. But Huey's song was exactly what was used at the test screening! Hollywood Larceny at its finest! Amazing!
Whomever did the art for this article deserves a Peabody.
Ditto on everything. I saw Ghostbusters at the theater and watched the subsequent cartoon that featured the voice of Arsenio Hall as Winston Zedmore. You guys are making me so nervous for GB3! Don't fuck it up.
I agree 100% with the uniforms and the song. I also agree with everything else.
3-D notwithstanding, the original was quite the FX extravaganza. Sure everything looks cheesy now but it sold the finer details back then. If anything I'd add a bit about thou shall use old-school effects instead of overdoing it with bad CGI.
I think there is 0% chance that a Jonas brother would be considered for the movie.
These all sound great, but we're dealing with 2 different groups of people; those who love and respect the GHOSTBUSTERS as they were polished professionals in a gritty city and the group who wants them to become year 2011 modern I-pod packers that can't find their way around New York without a TomTom, compromising everything we've grown to love out of their selfishness and disdain for tradition. Another mistake they could make is forgetting to make Manhattan into a character itself (show off Grand Central Station, Radio City Music Hall, etc.. really bring the character of New York out..) Sad thing is, I think Danny is a progressive with little respect for us, for fans of the real deal. He has so much power over the license and he's had so much time to think every detail over that maybe he's become bored with GHOSTBUSTERS, but listen Danny, we're not bored with them. We don't need them shaking hands with Obama or driving Smart Cars. Everything about them is fantastic if you ask us; you can't improve on that. If you're tired, Danny, ..hand it off to someone else who can do it justice.. Don't disrespect our love for the originals.
whoever wrote this is a fucking idiot the only one i agree with is the jonas brothers thing fuck THEM god damn virgins
rob zombie doing the ghostbusters theme...yes!
Obviously, "DEEZ NUTTZ" has an IQ equivalent to that of Miley Cyrus.
Look dude, everything in this article details some of the best advice they can get for making a sequel worthy of the franchise name. If they want this movie to even have a shred of hope at the box office, they'll try to stay as close to the original film's formula. A small team of average joes taking garage built particle colliders and saving the world. Forget new equipment, the busted old stuff from the first movie makes it more dangerous. Forget new uniforms, no company needs more than one basic uniform. Forget a new theme song, Ray Parker Jr.'s was great then and it's great now. Forget about sidekick Slimer, leave that to the cartoons. To hell with Ben Stiller, his style is the exact opposite of this film in that he doesn't know what subtlety is. Forget any new pop icon face, Ghostbusters will not benefit from having a trendy celebrity appear for more than two seconds on screen. Forget a logo flashing three fingers, it was a dumb marketing ploy that made no sense in the second film either. Forget giant monsters or statues unless you're planning on wasting money to see Ghostbusters vs. Godzilla. Forget adding to the car, it's on screen for all of five minutes so it doesn't need to upstage all of Times Square. Forget 3D, nobody wants to see it look gimmicky and fake.
Even the video game seemed too cartoonish at times, so hopefully they won't take too much inspiration from it and just focus on making something that can get the franchise back to it's original magic.
You forgot 'thou shall not off one of the beloved original characters as a lame plot device to secure involvment from reluctant, oft-egotistical star [Bill, I'm looking at you and your ever-present “I'll only do it as a ghost” remarks]'...
See that Venkman gets a good send-off in the third that DOESN'T involve croaking, and see that the franchise that you supposedly 'guard' from mediocrity [as one of the rights holders] gets one last good sequel with the 'old guard'...
“Ghost Venkman'...Gimmie a break...Pathetic.Cop.Out!
The video game was more fantastical but definitely not in anyway cartoonish. Big difference.
spot on...this article. No venkman ghost!....no 3D....no seth rogan crew...no elisha dhusku or whoever she is haha, all it needs is a good script, great dialogue...and the original four.
Love it!! Planning a Ghostbusters double feature today! I'm just excited a third one is coming.
I agree with alot of that but the movie would be fantastic in 3D its perfect for a 3D flick, and they would have new ghost bustin weapons you really think that nothing could be upgraded in 25 years? maybe not the slime tethers but the gun itself could so be upgraded same goes for the trap
I say end it with Venkman's 1st thought- "The franchise rights alone will make us rich beyond our wildest dreams.".. I say, bring in the franchises!
I only agree with five, six, seven, and eight. And I only agree with the Ecto-1 thing partly. I mean, I agree that there should be a limit to how much stuff is put on top of the Ectomobile because it can probably only handle so much. But they could put as much as they put on it in GBII.
Actually, I wouldn't mind Ben Stiller in it.
Actually that would be about three and a half things. The 3D I wouldn't want if it's going to look like that picture. It didn't look that out of focus in the 3D Jaws movie.
I think a logo acknowledging it's that it's the third movie would be cool, but don't put it in the movie. Just on the movie posters and stuff like that.
I wouldn't mind if they alternated between the uniforms in the first two movies.
Thou shall not listen to Bill Murray "I want to be a ghost" comments
Bill you did Garfield please spare us this you an artist crap
PERFECT POINTS. 100% perfect.
Ben Stiller as a Ghostbuster = NO!
Ben Stiller as a jerk/villain = Definite humor possibilities.
I think this was AWESOME !!!!! Good to see someone putting alot of thought in this thing. However, I wouldnt mind the three finger thing as a poster, but NOT on the uniforms. And 3D would be fine as long as they release two versions, NON 3D and 3D versions. Screw Ben Stiller in this movie. They need the kid from adventure land to play. And Maybe even the older HOT chick too !!!!! Theme should be the origional plus some new suprises.
Superstarseven, it's just my opinion, but I really feel that the marshmallow minions, candelabra crawlers, and a giant half woman, half spider creature all seem like stuff you'd see in the original cartoon. Hence, "cartoonish" is the word I choose to describe them.
Harold Ramis is my love god. Somehow they need Judy Tenuta in this mix. I think she's available and the price would be right. also needed: "Love Theme from Ghostbusters III". And an official Slimebusters cocktail using Jagermeister and what? Vasoline?
Ben Stiller as the ghost of the once was funny and edgy actor Ben Stiller.
The only way I'd want to see Slimer in GB3 is if he was utilized as he was in the game: locked in a cage as a science experiment. I love Slimer, but I honestly can't think of any other way to have him in GB3 that wouldn't be stupid.
I think that Joe, Kevin and Nick would really make some cool Ghostbusters!!!!!!!!!
Ecto-1 is not an ambulance. It's a hearse. It's part of the point with that car.
Actually, it's an ambulance.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miller-Meteor#Miller-Meteor
I thought finding this would be so arduous but it's a brezee!
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