Who’s hotter — Jem and the Holograms, or Josie and the Pussycats?
Today’s release of the new Gorillaz album, Plastic Beach, brings animated bands back into the public consciousness. Gorillaz are rightly praised for their innovation and genre-hopping, but people always forget to mention their sexiness. It’s okay — there’s nothing wrong with thinking a cartoon is sexy! While you grapple with your deep-seated feelings of shame, we’ll grapple with the challenge of picking just ten sexy cartoon musicians.
10) Wendy Nespot - Doug
There’s something really sexy about a bald woman, especially when she plays keyboard in a band otherwise filled with huge-nosed men. Without her and the geniuses behind Doug (criminally not on DVD), we might never have heard such classics as “Killer Tofu” and “I Sneezed on My Face.”
9) Jet Screamer - The Jetsons
Any man talented and attractive enough to land Judy Jetson deserves a spot on this list. First appearing in the second episode of The Jetsons (the aptly titled “Win a Date with Jet Screamer”), Screamer scored his biggest hit with “Eep Opp Ork Ah-Ah (Means I Love You).” The song was later covered by both the Dickies and Violent Femmes. When real bands start covering fake songs by a fake singer, you know something sexy is afoot. (See also Wilson Pickett’s inspired read of “Sugar, Sugar” by The Archies.)
8) Powerline - A Goofy Movie
If you’ve ever thought, “You know what would be really sexy? A talking dog that looks and moves like a hybrid of Prince and Michael Jackson,” Powerline is for you. In A Goofy Movie, young Max Goof will stop at nothing to join Mr. Line onstage in Los Angeles to impress his ladyfriend, Roxanne. He succeeds — performing the hit “Stand Out” with his idol — but if we were Roxanne, we’d still be focused on Powerline instead.
7) Trent Lane - Daria
Not many people can pull off the soul patch, but Trent looked good in 1997 and somehow still looks good today. Maybe it’s his tendency towards pantlessness. No matter what it is, if a guy’s good enough for Daria, he’s good enough for us.
6) Jem - Jem
The theme song says it all: Jem is excitement, adventure, outrageous, “glammer and glitter, fashion and fame!” Most importantly, though, girl knows how to rock the miniskirt and ’80s hair.
5) Homer Simpson - The Simpsons
Many bands from The Simpsons could have made this list (the B-Sharps, Party Posse, the Larry Davis Experience, etc.), but only one parodied Bush’s “Glycerine” to win Marge’s heart. Kurt Cobain proved that a grunge idol with a sensitive side could be sexy; Homer Simpson and Sadgasm took it to the next level.
4) Paul McCartney - Yellow Submarine
Granted, the cartoon Beatles weren’t voiced by the actual Beatles (they were too busy being transcendental in India), but it’s tough not to swoon when you hear cartoon Paul sing “When I’m Sixty-Four.”
3) Russel Hobbs – Gorillaz
The other three members of the band might not be lookers, but Russel brings some much-needed sex appeal (and drumming skillz) to Gorillaz. True, he’s a big guy, but that just means there’s more to love.
2) Jessica Rabbit - Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
In her big entrance in Roger Rabbit, Jessica shows how to use every curve of her animated body, especially her disproportionate booty, making poor Betty Boop look like a pile of black-and-white garbage in comparison.
1) Josie James - Josie and the Pussycats
Who else could it be? Josie knows how to play a mean pop song and could probably kick the asses of the Slits and Vivian Girls combined. So let’s forget any possible association with Tara Reid and instead focus on those immortal leopard-print jumpsuits.