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March 29, 2010
Ten Classics of Spring Break Cinema
We measure the debauchery levels of films from Revenge of the Nerds II to The Real Cancun.
James Greene, Jr.
Spring Break 2010 is winding to a beery close on Florida's beaches and pool decks. To commemorate the season, here's a rundown of Hollywood's most righteous and radical tributes to America's horniest rite of passage. We'll measure the debauchery levels of each entry on a scale of one to five Spuds McKenzies.
1. Where The Boys Are (1960)
Where The Boys Are turns the table on Spring Break conventions by adopting a female point of view. More shockingly still, despite being made in those puritan days of early-1960s America, it included premarital sex. The parents of the nation were surely up in arms when they saw Connie Francis fall for a jazz musician who asks her to "rub rosin on my bow."
SPUDS COUNT: 1
This film is fun-loving, bold, and sort of bawdy, but there is nary a keg stand or nipple to be seen.
2. Beach Blanket Bingo (1965)
Technically, Beach Blanket Bingo takes place over the summer, but it has to be included here as Frankie, Annette, and all their stupid friends sort of encapsulate "cutting loose" and telling adults to "stick it." Full of the misunderstandings and love triangles that punctuate Spring Break movies, Bingo throws in a skydiving angle that sets it apart from the rest of the pack. And hey, how can you hate anything with Don Rickles and Paul Lynde?
SPUDS COUNT: 2
...only for that motorcycle crash that ends with the rider landing in the fish tank. Classic.
3. Mondo Daytona (1968)
A good rule to live by: it's not really Spring Break until Grand Funk Railroad shows up. This docu/rockumentary intercut footage of hippie kids partying down in Daytona Beach with concert clips of GFR and other bands like the Tams, Billy Joe Royal, and the Swingin' Medallions. Primitive editing tricks simulated a "far out" experience, if you catch our meaning.
SPUDS COUNT: 1
You'd probably find better thrills in a warm can of Schlitz and the carpet stains near your older brother's bong.
4. Spring Break (1983)
Starring a cast of talented nobodies, Spring Break is the definitive low-budget 1980s beach-themed Porky's rip-off. A crusty old white guy wants to close down Fort Lauderdale's most happenin' resort. Can he be toppled by his own son and a ragtag bunch of college kids? Maybe — if they aren't distracted by all those teensy bikinis!
SPUDS COUNT: 2
While Spring Break features more than a few naked female breasts, the craziest pool stunt these guys can pull off is diving from the top of a palm tree into the deep end. Yawn.
5. Revenge Of The Nerds II: Nerds In Paradise (1987)
In which our intrepid heroes from the first Nerds film (Louis, Booger, et al) travel to Ft. Laud for a national fraternity conference that's secretly trying to revoke their membership. Along the way, the bathing-suited geeks meet up with sexy Courtney Thorne-Smith and white-rap comedy sensation Barry Sobel. The most surprising element of Nerds II is how puberty affected Wormser. He's like eight feet tall in this one!
SPUDS COUNT: 3
This film's total lack of nudity disappointed us, but they made up for it by driving a tank into the fraternity conference's pool.
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Commentarium (8 Comments)
Where The Boys Are also deals with date rape and isn't just a ball of laughs. It's actually a somewhat serious look at changing dating experiences as the kids entered the 60's.
Haha, what an awesome write-up, and props for using Spud MacKenzie as a rating scale. That dog had the life.
Love these choices. Hilarious.
I was sad to see that this list did not include the near screen debut of the former-almost Mr. Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins. Robbins starred in 1985's Fraternity Vacation, which used to be on cable all of the time --- especially in March. The details of the film escape me, but fairly certain it had a wet T-shirt contest and a jumping into a pool from a roof incident in it somewhere.
Nothing from the '70s? Maybe they didn't have spring break then.
Where is "The Sure Thing?!?!"
RE: "The Sure Thing," "Fraternity Vacation," and the 1970s - there was only so much room on the list, and what it really came down to was my level of familiarity with each entry. I've never seen "The Sure Thing" or "Frat Row" (hell, I hadn't even heard of them until last week), so I felt I couldn't accurately write about them.
"This film is fun-loving, bold, and sort of bawdy, but there is nary a keg stand or nipple to be seen" There is however a subplot about rape that you missed!