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5. Amy Schumer
Amy Schumer is dark. And not just inappropriately-timed-Ryan-Dunn-joke dark, but basement-dwelling, traumatizing-memory-uncovered-by-years-of-therapy dark. On her wickedly funny debut album, Cutting, she drops references to AIDS, sex with minors, and self-mutilation as casually as Gallagher smashes watermelons, and her upcoming sketch show for Comedy Central promises an even deeper look into her brilliantly twisted mind. She's also just adorable-looking — the cognitive disconnect of someone so cute spewing such vitriol is half the joy of her act.
4. Garfunkel and Oates
Comedy folk music is powerful enough to make even the guys from Flight of the Conchords look like sex symbols, so using it to make dick jokes is irresponsibly sexy in the hands of songwriters Kate Micucci (Oates) and Riki Lindhome (Garfunkel). Their latest release — this year’s Slippery When Moist — expands their already impressive repertoire of songs about accidental go-kart masturbation, duck sex, and the smugness of pregnant women. Cute lady musicians who are also hilarious: why do we sense half of Brooklyn is hiding an erection right now?
3. Melissa Villasenor
Celebrity impressions might be low-hanging fruit, but the incredibly cute Melissa Villasenor elevates the tactic by virtue of her dead-on accuracy and powerful pipes. She made it all the way to last year’s America’s Got Talent semifinals, only to lose to one of those singers who lost his entire family in a barn fire or something equally sad. But Villasenor still won hearts and loins with some perfect impressions of Christina Aguilera, Natalie Portman, and more, and continues performing on her YouTube channel. Her Michael Jackson is terrifyingly spot-on, which... is very sexually confusing for all of us.
2. Anjelah Johnson
As a former cheerleader for the Oakland Raiders, Anjelah Johnson has basically cemented her position on any “Sexiest Comedians” list from now until the end of time. A one-time performer on MadTV, Johnson made an impact during her relatively short tenure on the show with her sassy Burger King cashier Bon Qui Qui, which is about as hilariously offensive as it sounds. Johnson has even recently released a single as Bon Qui Qui, starting a music career that is at least as legitimate as Kreayshawn’s.
1. Aisha Tyler
Aisha Tyler is so sexy she makes The Talk almost watchable. Aisha Tyler is so sexy that her character Lana on Archer is the only cartoon I can think is hot without all the usual associated shame and guilt. Aisha Tyler is so sexy she’s the only reason anyone would ever own the first season of Ghost Whisperer on DVD. But all of that is secondary to the fact that Aisha Tyler is a hilarious stand-up comedian. Her 2009 special Aisha Tyler is Lit just screams for a follow-up, and her podcast “Girl on Guy,” which regularly features her Archer co-stars, captures all the drunken revelry of an I.S.I.S. afterparty.