5 Emmy Nomination Categories We’re Pissed Don’t Exist

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What, Best Cry Face isn't an option?

Hark! The Emmy nominations are out. Peasants, cast off thy remotes and kneeleth before Netflix, lest ye relinquish thy binge watching privileges. (The Emmies are old. Here are some proposed awards to refresh a tired institution.)

1. Best Cry Face: Claire Danes, Homeland


Pour out a bottle of Pinot and turn up the sax, because Claire Danes is the clear winner of this Emmy-category. If you're too lazy to watch Danes play Carrie Mathison on Homeland, watch this eerily accurate Anne Hathaway SNL impression of Danes's character (embedded above).

2. Most Unexpected Use Of David Lynch: Louis CK, Louie

Don't get deterred by Louie's balls to the wall comedy cred– Season 3 of Louie addressed serious issues about fatherhood even as the show spiraled into high surrealism. In the last couple of episodes, David Lynch became a surrogate paternal figure for Louie as he struggled to take himself and his career seriously. For a show about a comedian (Louis CK) playing a slightly alter-comedian (Louie) auditioning for a role as a network star comedian, a David Lynch cameo is just what the doctor ordered.

3. Most Likely To Be Paired In A Sentence With "Freaks and Geeks": Laura Dern, Enlightened

Enlightened, the best TV show you probably haven't seen, was canceled amid viewer protests late into its second season. The show suffered from poor branding that not even the all-star cast (Laura Dern, Luke Wilson) could recover from. That's why it'll probably replace Arrested Development as one half of critics' favorite lamentable category, too-good-not-to-be-canceled TV shows. You're welcome, journalists everywhere.

4. Best Use Of "Bitch" On A TV Series: Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad

Aaron Paul is a babe who can say whatever he wants.

5. Most Hilarious Stabbing: Elizabeth Moss, Mad Men

"Too fresh for YouTube." Here's a GIF. Only Mad Men could pull off an inter-spousal stabbing like it was Harold Lloyd slipping on a banana peel.


Follow Johannah on Twitter @jjjjjjjjohannah