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Cards Against Humanity Brings You a New Game About Screwing Your Friends

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Coming to a Fire Island summer home near you next July.

You're probably already familiar with Cards Against Humanity, the hilarious and irreverent card game you've dragged yourself out of your sweats at 9 PM on a Wednesday to go play with friends over a bottle of bourbon. Perhaps a cleverly played "Michelle Obama's arms" card has already facilitated a hook up for you during a rainy Saturday afternoon in a sunken living room in Fire Island. But if it hasn't yet, there's a new game for you.

Zach Gage, Doug Wilson, and the makers of Cards Against Humanity have teamed up to bring us Clusterfuck!, the only game where it's okay to admit you'd like a taste of your friend's meat sandwich. The plot of the game is as follows: You're at a sex party with all of the other players and your goal is to woo, be wooed, and hook up with as many people as possible. In a highly suggestive and fraught Phase One of the game, players silently pass notes to one another with playful, seductive phrases on them. Typical fare like, "I want in," and "Ignore everyone else."

Note passing ends when the player whose turn it is to pass a note yells, "My body is ready!" Here is when they need to tug at their shirt collar (feeling themselves up is optional). Phase Two is all about making good on those notes and hooking up. Everybody closes their eyes and points to the person they most desire or whoever threw them the best cards. If two players are pointing at each other, they have a twosome and get a score card. If a threesome occurs, all three players automatically win the game. Got that? The goal of this game is a threesome. There's also a suspicious Chlamydia card, which is unexplained in the commercial. I suspect it's for highly advanced players and I'm guessing you very much do not want to inherit this card.

You can download and print cards and instructions here for free when you are very bored at your parents' home over the next week, as it is obvious you will be very bored. Just please agree with me not to play with your folks. K? Thanks.

Clusterfuck! from Max Temkin on Vimeo.