“Ricky, I did see what you’re doing.”
The state of the American sex education system leaves a lot to be desired, as we’ve covered before. With most schools skipping over proper condom usage and barely covering the mechanics, where’s the American public to turn to rectify the situation? We all need a proper lesson about the birds and the bees, humiliating boners, and avoiding perioding through tan cargo pants! That’s when you get out the VHS. Perhaps more awkward than having “the talk” with real life parents is watching the reenactments of talks provided to us by decades of sex education videos. Below you will find the most hilarious, excruciatingly awkward education videos ever allowed to air in middle school classrooms.
Learning to Masturbate:
“Oh, excuse me, Ricky. Ricky, I did see what you were doing,” says Ricky’s mother as she walks in on him during his first adolescent stroke fest. This sex education video from the ’70s might quite possibly be the most horrifying thing you’ve ever seen. It is cripplingly awkward. Ricky’s dead-eyed stare does nothing to aid the situation.
Ship of Shame:
The 1942 Department of Defense slapped together this informative video about the dangers of venereal disease. Inside you will find a fast-talking doctor who harasses soldiers into safe sex. “We didn’t say it was criminal, we just said to protect yourself.”
As Boys Go:
To give this video credit, it was 1957. At least As Boys Go wasn’t titled As Boys Come. “Say, you know something? I had a wet dream last night.”
On Masturbation Guilt:
This ’60s era sex education video takes on poor bucktoothed George, the chronic masturbator, and his oddly attentive therapist figure.
Where Did I Come From?
Worse than wooden performances by real humans is learning about “special kinds of tickles” from animated characters. The 1985 cartoon narrated by Bobby’s World star Howie Mandel including a weird baby-talking baby, talk of pubic hair combing, and some frisky cartoon parents in a bathtub.
In this 1974 video about getting your period, Breaking Bad‘s Jonathan Banks stars as Judy’s boyfriend, who knows very little about female anatomy.