4. Laura Prepon

We should be eternally grateful to Laura Prepon for all the false hope she gave us with her years spent fictionally dating Topher Grace. She helped nerdy, socially awkward twentysomethings pretending to be high schoolers everywhere believe that they too could nab the hot girl next door. But while gifting us all with a false sense of confidence (and a fixation on redheads, dye-jobs or not) was enough to forgive her for then playing a fake Chelsea Handler, it wasn't enough to stem our disappointment at learning that Prepon is a devout Scientologist. Now reruns of That '70s Show at 2 a.m. on our local CW affiliate will never be the same.

3. Isaac Hayes

If you traveled back to 1971 and told people, "One day, we won't find Isaac Hayes sexy," you would have gotten punched right in your damn mouth. We're talking about the guy who wrote "Theme from Shaft," "Soul Man," and "Hold On, I'm Comin'." We're talking about the man who named an album Hot Buttered Soul. But after walking out on religion-skewering South Park because it decided to pick on his religion, Hayes deserved the horrible end Trey Parker and Matt Stone threw at his character. They, did, however, give him the best eulogy possible: "We shouldn't be mad at Chef for leaving us. We should be mad at that little fruity club for scrambling his brains." 

2. Elisabeth Moss

Peggy, no! The only kind-of-out-there thing we can imagine our favorite advertising wunderkind doing is giving the occasional anonymous theater handjob. (And we've imagined that many, many times.) But the Mad Men star and inexplicable one-time Fred Armisen spouse is unfortunately a sworn enemy of Xenu. It takes a little of the fun out of watching that "Pizza House!" clip, knowing that Peggy's words are just the faint, echoing cry of dead alien souls.

1. Beck

To be fair, we'd probably be a little disappointed in the alt-rock pioneer if he weren't a part of a religion deeply steeped in sci-fi lore. That said, Beck's lanky sex appeal came from his awesomely idiosyncratic music, pillowy lips, and doe-eyes, not his status as a religious authority. He might have found a religion that's as weird as he is, but that doesn't eliminate the twinge of disappointment we get now whenever we blow the dust off our CD collection to give Midnite Vultures a spin. This is worse than Prince becoming a Jehovah's Witness.