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Christmas is downright wholesome — the tiny baby Jesus, the immaculate conception, that full glass of 2% milk you left out for Santa. But we here at Nerve aren’t much for sugar plum fairies. We have more pressing concerns, like providing you with a heaping handful of smut on this chilly Christmas morning. Step away from your family, put down the eggnog (you’ll bloat), and settle into your coziest chair. It’s going to be a filthy ride.

My New Re-Virginity by Steve Almond


“This is something I’m deciding for me,” my girlfriend said. “For us.”

Couplings by Robert Olen Butler


In bed with Princess Di, Josephine Baker and Anne Boleyn.

C*ck in a Box by Mary Kann 


“It arrived on Wednesday. The package had no return address.”

The Prince by David Ryan


“The prince thought, You may feel some minor discomfort. And then: You have the right to remain silent.”

Water, Water Everywhere by Julia Slavin


“I knew about a man who could only ejaculate if a woman bent over on a bathroom saying, ‘I’ve got to lose five,’ as he entered her from behind.”