Entertainment

FMK: July Television

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Fuck, marry, kill: Walter White, Matt LeBlanc, and Nancy Botwin. Decisions, decisions.

Ah, fuck, marry, kill. A time-honored parlor game played amongst friends, not unlike charades, or possibly quoits, whatever those are. To further that spirit of boisterous erotically charged debate between chums, we’d like to introduce you to our newest Nerve calendar. The rules are simple: three anticipated pop-culture items, three iconic verbs. Allons-y!

 

Subscription Cable Dramas You Will Download Later Bracket
 

Episodes (July 1)

Starring: Matt LeBlanc, Stephen Mangan, Tamsin Greig, John Pankow
Matt LeBlanc stars as a caricature of… Matt LeBlanc in the second season of this comedy about the pitfalls of trying to adapt a British TV show for American audiences. Come for the novelty of seeing LeBlanc play a womanizing, drunken version of himself, stay for the endearing British witticisms. Surprisingly sharp-toothed and clever, this one's a fun low-profile sleeper hit. 

Verdict: Marry

 

Web Therapy (July 2)

Starring: Lisa Kudrow, Alan Cumming, Selma Blair, a wonderful roster of guest stars

Curiously, Web Therapy is in fact the second Showtime offering starring an ex-Friend. Lisa Kudrow stars in a full-length adaptation of an improvised web series about a therapist conducting her practice by webcam, and it’s about as thin as you’d expect it to be. Bottom line: an occasionally funny premise redeemed by excellent cameos. (Including Meryl Streep as a sex therapist!)

Verdict: Fuck

 

Weeds (July 1)

Starring: Mary-Louise Parker, Kevin Nealon, Justin Kirk

Season 7 ended with a cliffhanger “Who got shot?” ending. Season 8 begins with the question “Who cares?” (Ba-zing!) But this is the show’s last season, so Mary-Louise Parker is going to have to have some sex with some real weirdos if Weeds is going to erase the ill will that it’s built up over the past five or so seasons and go out on top. This show had such promise, but right around season three, it just lost its way and became a free-for-all of nonsense.

Verdict: Kill

 

Moody, Well-Shot Cable Dramas Bracket
 

Political Animals (July 15)

Starring: Sigourney Weaver, Carla Gugino, Ellen Burstyn

Sigourney Weaver is a steely Secretary of State (and former First Lady), and Carla Gugino is a journalist bent on destroying her in this slick-looking six-part miniseries. I love A-lister-anchored miniseries, I kind of love Carla Gugino (though I don’t love that she won’t be able to indulge in her propensity for toplessness), and I fuck the shit out of these semi-overwrought Beltway dramas. Let’s do this.

Verdict: Fuck

 

Breaking Bad (July 15)

Starring: Bryan Cranston, Aaron Paul, Anna Gunn

This is the last season, but they’re going to make us wait another year before we get the second eight-episode set. Harsh. Anyway, I can’t say anything about Breaking Bad that hasn’t already been said. Watch it. Love it. Obsess over it.

Verdict: Marry

 

Perception (July 9)

Starring: Eric McCormack, Rachel Leigh Cook

“Dr. Daniel Pierce, a talented but eccentric neuroscientist, is enlisted by the Federal Bureau of Investigation to assist in solving some of its most complex cases.” That’s from Wikipedia, and I’m going to start using it as a Mad Lib to pitch formulaic crime procedurals to networks: To wit: “Dr. [Biblical First Name] [Combat Verb Last Name], a [positive adjective] but [negative adjective] [science profession], is enlisted by [organization] to assist in solving some of its most [adjective] cases. Ex: “Dr. Ezekiel Righthook, a virile but rageaholic sex therapist, is enlisted by Men’s Health to assist in solving some of its most erotic cases.” Your move, TNT.

Verdict: Kill

Agree? Disagree? Leave your own fuck, marry, kill pairings for these brackets in the comments below.