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May 18, 2011
Johnny Depp's Guide to Selling Out Without Anyone Noticing
Become a Disney pin-up without losing your indie cred, in five easy steps.
By Alex Heigl
When I say "Johnny Depp," what comes to mind? Films about misfits and outcasts? An assortment of vaguely boho hats, scarves, and glasses? Well-defined cheekbones? Other than "all of those," what should come to mind is a man who's made himself ridiculously wealthy starring in popcorn movies, without losing the cool-dude aura that surrounds him like smoke from those ridiculous little mini-cigars he's always smoking. And so, after a painstaking and careful analysis, I present to you Johnny Depp's Guide to Selling Out Without Anyone Noticing.
1. Choose "off-beat" roles that aren't really that off-beat.
Fans often use words like "quirky" to describe Depp's early filmography, because it's filled with roles like Edward Scissorhands, Ed Wood, and Gilbert Grape. These characters are sensitive outsiders buffeted about by an uncaring society that just won't let them be. But most of those performances were for Tim Burton, and Tim Burton's about as edgy as Hot Topic. Not to say the movies weren't good, but they're still mainstream; Edward Scissorhands made $80 million. Probably Depp's most experimental film was Jim Jarmusch's Dead Man, and even that's not exactly a Lars von Trier picture.
2. Have a well cultivated list of friends.
Johnny Depp's friend group is like the elite team assembled in every action movie. But instead of saving a Thai village or something, they simply act cool. Consider his long-running friendship with Rolling Stone/walking pharmaceutical precedent Keith Richards, or the fact that he cohabitated with Hunter S. Thompson as research for Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (and later paid for Duke's ashes to be shot from a cannon). Depp's friend circle also includes Romanian gypsy band Taraf de Haidouks, and his own former bandmates in the alt-rock group P, Flea and Gibby Haynes.
3. Act indifferently towards your gigantic piles of money.
Johnny Depp is rich as hell, which is a fact he often conceals by dressing like a homeless man. He made $50 million for Alice in Wonderland, and his films have earned around $6 billion worldwide. But he makes up for his extreme wealth by also being generous in a charmingly rakish way, like giving large tips and donating millions to hospitals as a "thank you." Spending money on whimsical stuff is undeniably cool.
4. Live in France.
Now, I'm not suggesting that the only way to be cool is to live in France, but you have to admit it helps. Depp's Gallic residence is an integral part of his mystique. One, occupying the land of cigarettes and absinthe adds to his bohemian cred; two, it means he's mysteriously out of pocket in a way a lot of overexposed Hollywood types aren't. Also, he co-owns a restaurant near the Champs-Élysées with Sean Penn and John Malkovich, which sounds like a great set-up for an unusually highbrow sitcom (and also represents yet another fanciful cash outlay).
5. Be extremely handsome.
Look at him. Great hair, weirdly lovable sense of style. And the bastard does not age. I want to know whose blood he's bathing in, because it's working wonders for him. There's science, there's religion, and then, somewhere at the intersection of all that, Johnny Depp's good looks; if a man that beautiful wants to earn a colossal fortune making bad pirate movies, who dares call him a hack?
Commentarium (28 Comments)
Don't forget: Dedicate your most un-original roles to your children.
I'm reminded of that old saying "The longer you go without pooping, the more your farts smell like crap."
Why?...... why are you reminded of that saying ? And what the hell does it mean ??? :-)
I think it's fairly obvious. Johnny Depp is quoted as saying he hasn't had a bowel movement since November, 2003 (when he joined that religious group, the Constiparians). Ergo his farts, of which his religion allows him 4 per month, smell rather foul.
Johnny Depp seems to be very smart, he has everybody talking about him, without trying to get attention!
Comes across as cool to me.
i think he's ok. but doesn't seem to have grown much as an actor. kind of always doing the same schtick no matter the role.
How can anyone, particularly this author, ignore the Deppth of his roles in the "Pirates" series? Doesn't that add cred?
good pun, bad argument. Playing a gay Keith Richards isn't particularly innovative. Entertaining, yes, cinematically daring, no.
what about Donnie Brasco?
I agree, Depp hasn't had a good movie in a long time, and in the ones he does do he's always the same character!!! Same accent!! My favorite Depp movie is Blow, and as far as I can think it's the only time he plays a "normal" person, without and facial ticks or accents. I do think he's a good actor, but he hasn't done anything surprising in a long time, and I find myself bored by all the movies he's chosen. The first Pirates was excellent, but 2, 3 and 4?? That's clearly just for the $$$$$$.
I don't know how I feel about the ol Depp. I like a lot of his later roles like in Edward Scissorhands and Raoul Duke in Fear and Loathing but roles in Pirates, besides the first movie, Alice in Wonderland and Willy Wonka were pretty tiring. I think he is a good actor in the right role but he needs to get back to more serious movies and out of the kidsy stuff. That is my opinion.
The author seems to using a definition of "selling out" that I am unaware of. To me, selling out means taking roles that you, as the actor, do not want to play but you take them anyway because the pay is good. There seems to be no evidence that this is what Johnny Depp is doing. And as for the Pirates franchise? I agree it's gone on long enough, but Captain Jack Sparrow is HIS role. Besides, if the movies are good, the movies are good, no matter how many of them there are. And, given that Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley are no longer in the movie, it's sure to liven up a bit.
I'm with KB. Even his mall movies are hugely entertaining and he seems happy with his film choices--that's not selling out. Selling out is Bill Murray in Garfield.
Amen, brother.
He might live in France, but he grew up in Miramar, Florida http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miramar,_Florida
Say what you will. I fucking love Jack Sparrow. Go watch The Libertine if you want to be impressed with his acting in a movie no one saw. If you must call him a sell-out, why the hell not bring up The Tourist? And even compared to other actors, at least (except perhaps for the Tourist) he ACTS in his movies, as opposed to the prancing, primping and posing that passes for Brangelina's acting in most of their movies.
Wait--when did donating to hospitals become "whimsical"?
i think the whole "selling out" point being made is more in spirit than letter-it's not an argument against him taking those film roles or even telling him to be ashamed of them, it's just that you can't be considered the quirky, left-of-middle movie star while at the same time making $40 million on dogshit movies aimed squarely at middle america.
Donating to hospitals is "whimsical"? I also don't think he's ever called himself or his roles "quirky".
Just saw his new pirates movie, wasn't feeling it, im just not sure i really liked any of them. i liked some of his roles, but not anything recent
Gee someone's pissed off at johnny for being successful. We got him to thank for still being an actor who still cares enough about his craft despite himself. I concure re Libertine, and Donnie Brasco, and his turn as Dillinger in Public Enemies. And if his franchise movies allows him to donate millions to hospitals then bring it on.
this is the laziest article i've ever read. a retarded helper monkey could have penned something more interesting. i'm fairly indifferent about Depp. I'm less indifferent about what passes as journalism these days.
@anghus
Your humor is uninspired and stale.
_
http://googledisappointsme.blogspot.com/
He has sold out. The end,
According to that article in the Herald, after donating a million pounds to that children's hospital, he secretly spent 4 hours telling bedtime stories to sick children while dressed as Jack Sparrow.
... that is the most adorable thing ever.
Y'all must be complete retards if you think he's sold out. He doesn't care about money, he loves playing Jack Sparrow. He said it himself. If he can make someone happy with his characters and films, that means more to him than any Academy Award. I'm a huge fan and will defend him in any way possible from losers like you all who hate on him because he's so successful. So what? His movies do well? He enjoys his career and making a difference in people's lives and his family's. I don't see any of you LOSERS doing anything like that. He is a true legend and I admire him for not taking the conventional roles and staying on his own path and staying true to who he is. Unlike most people in Hollywood he actually cares about his job and his fans. Suck on that, haters!
Finding NeverLand is one of my favorite films of all times.