Rihanna, "S&M" (2011)

This is a cautionary tale. Yes, it was banned in eleven countries, and yes, it was age-restricted on YouTube, but Rihanna's clip for "S&M" is about as toothless as it is regressive. Not only does it combine some very tired sexual imagery (oh, you're eating a banana? What could that possibly signify?) with the idea that BDSM interests are "bad" (vis-a-vis the line "'Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it"), but the whole thing video is a candy-colored nightmare less arousing than seizure-inducing.

Rating: 3. This video is the girl in the back of tenth-grade math class talking loudly about how much sex she did with her boyfriend over the weekend. He's like, nineteen, and he's really good at it.