Ranked: Samuel L. Jackson's Hairdos from Least to Most Majestic

Who else can play a badass with the haircut of an eight-year-old girl?

By David Warner

Samuel Leroy Jackson is known for three things: acting in an absurd number of movies, generally being a badass, and doing both with some of the most versatile hair of all time. In his latest film, The Sunset Limited, he kind of mails it in. Grey and balding? C'mon. To make up for it, I've scoured Mr. Jackson's filmography and ranked every distinct 'do of Sam's ever seen by man.

 

18. The Samurai Up-Do 

As seen in: The Spirit

It is bad enough that this movie even exists. In fact, this haircut probably would have lost just for being associated with such a shitty movie. But the fact that it looks like a mop head haphazardly spray-painted black really sealed the deal.

 

17. Mini-Twists

As seen in: The Man

I have seen four people with this hairstyle in my life. It hasn't looked good once. Thusly, mini-twists are ugly 100% of the time. I did the research.

 

16. The Half-Fro

As seen in: Black Snake Moan

I've never understood growing half a head of hair out when you're bald or otherwise. (I'm looking at you, George Jefferson.) Sam Jackson's head in this movie is like that guy wearing a winter coat and shorts. I hate that guy.

 

15. "Barely There"

As seen in: Losing Isaiah, 187, The Red Violin, The Sunset Limited

At a point, you just have to stop lying to yourself. What you have isn't hair anymore. You make me sad, basically bald man.

 

14. The Afro

As seen in: Menace II Society, Formula 51

One of these afros looks like a football helmet, and the other looks like it could be housing a small family of wayward rodents — and actually might be. 'Fros aren't always bad, but these just fuck it up for everybody.

 

13. Cornrows 

As seen in: Formula 51

If he were eight years old, I wouldn't be so hard on him, but the man was nearing sixty. Cornrows really shouldn't be considered an option at that point. 

 

12. The Brown MicroFro

As seen in: The Negotiator

That dye job is pretty solid. I just expect more from SLJ. He hasn't done a bowl cut, yet. I'm saying, step it up.

 

11. The Flat Top 

As seen in: The Cleaner, Assault at West Point, Deep Blue Sea, No Good Deed

This haircut is the real Theo Huxtable ca.1987. I'm a fan of The Cosby Show, but when I'm watching it I'm not thinking, "I've got to find a way to look like that."

 

10. The Slickback

As seen in: Eve's Bayou, xXx, xXx: State of the Union

Sam looks super-smooth in his Billy Dee cut, but in a skeevy-molester kind of way. It grosses you out if you look at it long enough.