Six Haiku About Anderson Cooper Coming Out

We heard the shocking news and called for our staff poet; moments later, a dove fluttered through the office window, clutching a scroll in its beak.

by Ben Reininga

1.

"Mr. Cooper's gay!"
Said five texts from relatives
Um, yeah, guys, we knew

2.

Privacy's your thing?
No biggie, but here's a tip:
Avoid prime-time TV

3.

His show: 360
Which is a way to say round
His pecs: also like that

4.

Anderson Cooper
Imma let you finish but
Don Lemon still wins

5.

Apropos of naught:
Once I saw him at the gym
Later, saw his butt

6.

Harsh locker-room light
Study in circles, melon-like
Anderson Cooper's butt