Forget Roses, You Need to Make a Condom Bouquet on Valentine’s Day

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Thorns not included.

If you're looking for a gift that subtly says you go the extra mile, you think outside of the Kay Jeweler's box, and hey, you really want to get laid tonight, look no further than a homemade condom rose. It's the perfect gift for the post-Martha Stewart wrap-it-before-you-tap-it generation whose skills widely range from macaroni necklace to stonewear pottery Etsy shop.

All one really needs is green pipe cleaners, colored tape, and condoms (the wrapper color of your preference, but my gut says go red). Some variations include fake flower stems, if you're someone who prefers a more life-like bouquet. The best part about the condom rose is that not only is it the best humblebrag gift the world has ever conceived, but that its crafters swear that none of the condoms are compromised during the flower artistry. Pipe cleaners are your friend here. Stapling is not only sloppy, but it can lead to future Scorpio babies.

Image via Badger Herald.