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This Man Graphed Every Time He Masturbated For One Full Year

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His longest session lasted 150 minutes. That's eight minutes longer than Forrest Gump.

He didn't do it so he could curb his porn habit. He didn't do it for science. This 18-year-old Redditor collected data on all of his masturbation habits for one whole year so he could get better at wanking. "I thought my masturbation sessions took too long, I thought I was slow," he explains. Like any good Excel geek, the anonymous man took to the spreadsheets to track when he masturbated, how long his sessions lasted, and of course, the time since his previous "completion." 

The fervent self-lover masturbated an average of once every one day and 16 hours, with his longest session lasting a whopping 150 minutes (eight minutes longer than the running time of Forrest Gump). His shortest was a pretty average 5 minutes. Proving he is a fan of tantric fapping over quick strokes, the man's overall year-long average was 44 minutes per session. That means he spent about 1.83 percent of the last year, or about 3 percent of his waking time, getting his rocks off. For anyone who has felt the bruising or chafing incurred by rubbing one out too many times in one week, you'll know that this man masturbated for a really, really impressive portion of last year. A could-have-gone-to-night-school-and-graduated-with-a-computer-science-degree-already amount of time.

Everyone has a masturbation ritual. For each spank session, the user touchingforscience would set up his favorite porn before he turned on the clock, and sit through longer feature films to accommodate his particularly sluggish onanist habits. Curiously, the now 19-year-old never used lube once during his marathons and preferred the standard right hand jack-off to any of the diverse variations he tried throughout the last 12 months. His experiment proved that, sometimes, classic is best. But "I feel like I got better over time," he noted.

The biggest shocker of all? This guy is a virgin. But if his House of Cards-length masturbation sessions are any indication of his endurance, this Redditor has a lifetime of gratified smiles and crates of lube purchases coming in his very near future.  

Images via Imgur and Universal Pictures.