The 5 Craziest Hook-Up Techniques From Zac Efron's 'That Awkward Moment'
By Matt Patches
Besides being a movie based on a meme, That Awkward Moment, starring Zac Efron, Michael B. Jordan, and Miles Teller, tries to hold a mirror to the modern dating scene. Or better yet, the modern hook-up scene: a carefree, bar-hopping lifestyle full of one-night stands, friends-with-benefits relationships, and utterances of “I'm not looking for anything too serious." Over the course of the movie, the three 20-something guys learn that there might be more to life than taking ladies to their beds, but would they have found true love without their haphazard way of life? Probably not.
So there might be something to learn from the Awkward Moment crew's romantic religion of wooing, screwing, and moving on without pause. Whether their practices are the best way of going about it are questionable. Here are the five ways the main trio conduct their business. Are they doing it right?
Recruiting a girl friend for a night out on the town might be That Awkward Moment's most reasonable strategy (though as the characters in the movie discover, keeping your eyes set on the pool of unknowns rather than the partner-in-crime herself is easier said than done). A savvy wingwoman doesn't just break the ice, she shatters it. There's nothing that creepy about out of the blue small talk between two women at a bar. “Hey, I love your shoes,” is the go-to line, roping in an unsuspecting object of a dude's affection only to be passed on to him with a quick “This is my friend _____.” The one problem with Awkward Moment's portrayal of this friendly alley-oop is that the guys never return the favor. Men, your wingwoman is not a servant. Treat her right.
The Virgin Card
Putting the awkward in Awkward Moment, a favorite line of single Daniel (Teller) is to tell women that he's a virgin dying to become a man. Ladies, chime in if this remotely resembles anything you would want to hear in the first five minutes of meeting a man. There are lines of Mein Kampf that make better pick-up lines than purporting to be a virgin in need of deflowering. But it works for Daniel, whose time-honored tactic works on a bar patron hungry to be his first.
Before hitting the bar, Jason (Efron), Mikey (Jordan), and Daniel pop a few Viagra to ensure that when they whisk women back to their respective sex dens, they'll last the entire night. Which is Okay. Studies show that there's no minimum age for Viagra use and copious amounts of alcohol shouldn't impair the drug's effects. But let's get real: If you're going to utilize natural male enhancement so that you can go until dawn, avoid doing it half an hour before you go to the bar and pick up chicks. Though we don't actually see the trio wandering their local dive with perched tentpoles (and the blotchy, red faces that usually accompany them), we would if it had been real life. The drug kicks in after about 30 minutes and lasts a few hours. Timing, people.
For advanced singles, the zen of hooking up is known as The Roster. Jason describes it as being the necessary rejuvenation of the male spirit. Daniel whittles down to the “spa for your cock.” The methodology is simple: Wrangle up enough single women who are OK with casual sex so that there's never a down night. Why date when your bedroom can have a revolving door? The Roster has to be very strategic, avoiding life crossovers that could lead to sticky situations, and finding women that you're readily able to dump when things teeter into serious territory. It all sounds kind of icky coming out of the mouths of the borderline-chauvinistic Awkward Moment crew, but if you're single and searching for playful experiences, finding harmony in “The Roster” isn't as despicable as it sounds. (Maybe don't refer to it as “The Roster.”)
While the moral of Awkward Moment is that maybe a life of hooking up isn't all it's cut out to be, it reminds us that there's no shame in spending significant time being single. Not every relationship is going to work out — especially when they're founded on sex-only benefits. Jason is smart enough to know when things are over. “The So” is that teetering point when one person is enveloped by the emotional void that's inherent to hooking up. “So… where is this going.” And that's it, it's over. A sexual relationship can evolve past “The So” if there's passion to be found between the two people, but attempts to continue past that tipping point usually blow up in peoples' faces. It's either time to bail or admit to yourself that the relationship means something.
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