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Toyota¬†executive Julie Hamp was arrested in Japan for smuggling oxycodone this week. How can this be, you may ask? An upstanding American arrested for smuggling drugs into another country? Well, Japan is super hardcore when it comes to controlled substances. They don’t just dole out high octane pharmaceuticals for restless legs like we do here in Freedomland.

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And American patriots understand that if you need to mail some pills that you’re prescribed, that’s not smuggling. It’s not like it’s meth or whatever poor people use now days. But try telling that to the Japanese who for some reason think that Adderall and Oxycodone should be regulated like heroin and cocaine. Silly Japanese.

So maybe it was an innocent mistake. Maybe. But we know that Mrs. Hamp, an American exec of a Japanese company, should know how strict the Japanese are having worked there for many years. Suspicious, yes. Proof of something nefarious? No. Then we read this story. That Toyota-owned Lexus has invented a hoverboard. Now things are starting to get interesting.

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And what’s this? The US government is working on a hoverbike? Let’s just put all these facts side by side. An executive of a company that makes hoverboards is busted smuggling Oxy into Japan through the mail at the same time America is also planning to use hover technology? It couldn’t be clearer. In 2016, the US military will start smuggling Adderall into Japan on hoverboards. You read it here first folks.