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bacco56: Anal sex seems like the ultimate intimacy.
jack_morin: Yes, many people comment on the special intimacy of anal sex. Maybe this is because it's an area that's normally hidden and usually doesn't get seen or touched. For some people, the sense of intimacy comes from breaking a rule that says, "Don't touch." Also, there's a lot of trust involved in allowing someone to touch you in such a vulnerable area.
nina2: What's brought about the greater acceptance of anal sex?
jack_morin: First, the HIV crisis brought the topic into the daily news. Second, there's a greater acceptance of gay people in our society today. Third, couples are hungry for new ways to spice up their sex life.
kevinhildebrand: I've tried engaging in anal sex but find it quite painful. Any advice?
jack_morin: Pain is usually a sign that the anal sphincter muscles are not relaxed. The best advice is to learn how to relax them. I'm a fan of inserting the finger into the anus every day in the shower and taking a few deep breaths. You'll feel two ring-like sphincter muscles: one right at the anal opening, and one maybe half an inch in. The inner sphincter is controlled by the autonomic nervous system that controls involuntary functions, and that is where a lot of us store stress, tension and fear. Remember that the rectum is not a straight tube; it has a couple of curves. Certain positions help to straighten out those curves: any position that puts the legs at right angles to the body tends to straighten out the rectum, e.g. doggie style, side by side spooning or the receiver sitting over the partner. Some people like anal sex with their legs up in the air.
watto: Discounting the STD factor, and assuming that the two partners are monogamous, is there any danger associated with internal ejaculation during anal intercourse?
jack_morin: Monogamous healthy partners don't have to worry about any of that.
nina2: Do you think most men still think of anal sex as a "gay" thing?
jack_morin: I think many do. But I get letters from guys around the world — straight guys — and they say, "I really like anal stimulation, but my wife or girlfriend freaks out when I mention it. She accuses me of being gay." Certainly gay men do their fair share of experimenting with anal sex, but so do a lot of other people! All the nerve endings are the same, regardless of sexual orientation.
ladymaybe: What kind of condoms do you suggest?
jack_morin: I recommend that people try the Reality Condom — the so-called "female condom." It's polyurethane, so you can use oils and put it in ahead of time, then leave it in when you take breaks.
sellthesky: But then aren't you making love to a Ziploc bag?
jack_morin: Yes, it is a little like Saran Wrap. It even makes that crinkly sound! But many people learn to tolerate, if not eroticize, condoms.
nerve: What does extensive, regular, anal sex do to your intestinal system, your bowel movements, etc.? (Oh, if Mom could hear me now, she'd be so proud.)
jack_morin: It actually can help your rectum by promoting relaxation and awareness, but if the sex is irritating or painful, it can cause contractions, perhaps constipation, or even diarrhea. Relaxation is the key.
ladymaybe: I've heard nasty rumors about problems later in life resulting from stretched sphincter muscles — does this happen?
jack_morin: As far as muscles stretching, it's a very common rumor, and it's just that. During anal sex, the muscles are not stretched, they simply relax — as they would with bowel movements — and once the stimulation is over, they go back to their normal state. If you're worried about it stretching, one of the best things you can do is the "Kegel Exercise," where you contract and release the pelvic muscles repeatedly, as if you were stopping urine flow.
kingcottin: My girlfriend tells me that I am too big and it hurts her. What can I do so she will enjoy it?
jack_morin: Perhaps you could offer her an anal massage. You'll need a good oil. I recommend safflower oil; it's smooth and has practically no scent. Make sure your fingernails are trimmed and smooth. Then find a comfortable position and put oil on your fingers and gently rub it around your partner's anus using a circular motion.
nerve: What are the pros and cons of rimming?
jack_morin: The pros: it can feel very intimate, wonderfully forbidden and extremely sensuous for both the receiver and giver. The downside is that the majority of people have some problem with the smells in that area. Oral contact with even a little bit of feces can transmit intestinal parasites if the person has them. And Hepatitis A can also be transmitted. But with two healthy partners, there are no particular health risks. Thoroughly washing the area first greatly reduces the chance of exposure to parasites. Some people use a barrier for rimming, such as a "dental dam" or a piece of Saran Wrap.
nerve: What about germs?
jack_morin: There are bacteria that cause no harm in the rectum but will in the vagina. So, don't use the same finger or penis or toy in the anus and vagina without washing in between, or covering it with a condom.
nerve: So, are we talking serious in-out action like the male jack-hammering tradition, or should backdoor penetration always be a little more gentle?
jack_morin: People are quite varied on that. Some people like to "pound" during anal intercourse. Others don't like that at all and prefer slow gentle movements. Some people much prefer a kind of circular motion with the penis to a thrusting type motion.
nerve: What's the evolutionary significance of anal pleasure? Why would we be designed to feel such pleasure there?
jack_morin: I think healthy bodily functioning feels good, because we're more likely to sustain it. For example, our bodies will discourage us from having bowel movements in a way that hurts and we'll get pleasure when we have them through relaxation and without pain. There's no doubt that healthy bowel movements can feel terrific! I think our anus and rectum are designed to give us pleasure when they're functioning in a healthy way.
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, featuring curious yet marvelous infusions of cucumber and rose petal.
