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skinphantom
Has mainstream success and the onset of your golden years mellowed you at all?
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john_waters
My golden years? Ha! I'm leaving . . . Old chickens make good soup! Mainstream success is debatable, and the "golden years" is opposite of optimistic.
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skinphantom
What do you do these days to maintain your edge?
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john_waters
Drink. And have young friends.
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lingold
In your films the sex scenes are almost always comedic. What's so funny about sex?
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john_waters
Sex is funny because we have no control over it. We have no choice whether to have sex or not: we have to, eventually. That's why I find it so distasteful.
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vulpinegrrrl
So if instinct is distasteful, what's left to be tasteful? Planning? No way.
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john_waters
Maybe there isn't anything tasteful left. Maybe taste has been used up. Someone has to invent a new sex act. Think of the person who gave the first blowjob, think of how proud they must have been.
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gunnm
I am pretty proud every time I do it.
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john_waters
We should have holidays for these people.
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mumblebunny
John, what do you think about the Dogma95 films?
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john_waters
I think it was a brilliantly hilarious marketing tool . . . But I want to do DogmaJohnWaters2000 and here are the rules: 1) An NC-17 rating with no sex or violence, 2) a soundtrack so atrocious that no record co. would ever release it, 3) blind cinematographers, and lastly, 4) hire actresses who haven't worked for twenty years and pay them a fortune.
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gunnm
Is tea bagging real?
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john_waters
Tea bagging was very real in this one club in Baltimore, but it's already old hat. What's popular now is "helicoptering" — that's when you smack someone in the face with your erection: "Whap, whap, whap!"
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gunnm
Oh, I call that "Saturday night."
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q_tip
At the end of Pecker everyone toasts the end of irony. Is this what you want?
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john_waters
No, I'm a hypocrite, that was an ironic ending. Although, irony is snobbery: if you're hungry, there's no such thing as something that's so bad it's good.
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isabellar
Without irony there'd be no John Waters.
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lingold
You seem to embrace "fallen" sex icons like Tracy Lords, Troy Donahue and Kathleen Turner. What is their appeal?
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john_waters
Well I certainly would call none of them "fallen sex idols." Go out on the streets with Tracy and you'll see that that isn't true. Troy Donahue is still one of the sexiest men from the 50s. And Kathleen Turner is currently fully naked on the London stage and it's sold out. So much for "fallen."
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skinphantom
John, how does it feel to be a role model for so many north American young people?
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John_waters
Well it's a privilege to be a negative influence on the youth of America.
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skinphantom
John, what is your favorite movie you've ever made?
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john_waters
I guess Cecil B. Demented: it's the most recent, most current, the one I'm least sick of. It's about movie terrorism: Cecil B. Demented is an insane cult movie director who kidnaps an A-list movie star, Melanie Griffith, and forces her to be in his underground movie. Cecil would literally die to make a film, but he doesn't get violent unless somebody gets in the way of his next shot.
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lingold
A happier Ed Wood?
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john_waters
Cecil is not at all like Ed Wood . . . he's more of a megalomaniac and a fascist, a cult leader like Jim Jones.
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jwa
Is Stephen Dorff sexy?
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john_waters
Sure, Stephen is sexy. I would never cast someone to play a cult leader who wasn't sexy.
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toby
What do you think of someone like Harmony Korine who is taking over the low brow film form?
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john_waters
Well, I don't think Harmony is low brow, but I'm all for him because he scares my generation.
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gunnm
The truth scares your generation?
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john_waters
Well, not so much the truth, but defiantly politically incorrect humor and style.
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skinphantom
John, my ex is over at my house cleaning the can, and she can't think of a question to ask you. Does that sound like a premise for one of your movies?
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ally
Yeah skinphantom. She flushes you down it and calls the cops.
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john_waters
I've already done enough bathroom humor, thank you.
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lingold
What's your favorite drink?
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john_waters
A Stoli vodka martini straight up with an olive.
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lingold
Do you always cast against type?
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john_waters
I don't think I cast against type, really. Who did I cast against type, Melanie Griffith as a movie star?
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gunnm
Iggy Pop as a yokel?
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redmeat
Divine as a Baltimore mother?
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lingold
Kathleen as Serial Mom?
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prettykitty
John Doe as a lawyer?
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oliver_suddenly
What do you use to keep your moustache so impeccable?
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john_waters
I use a Bic razor on the top, scissors on the bottom and, if I miss, Maybelline Velvet Black.
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maskedman
John, did you plan to become as respectable as you have? How do you plan to correct this?
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john_waters
Well, I don't know how respectable I am. That's just one more thing in a life of irony.
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redmeat
But isn't it true that most unrespectable people always head towards respectability, as they are absorbed by society?
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john_waters
Red, maybe in a nation that worships bad taste. . . but who am I to speak against that.
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maskedman
I'm trying to judge our presidential candidates by how I think they'd react to a screening of Pink Flamingos. I'm leaning toward Buchanan. What do you think?
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john_waters
No, I believe it's possible that Gore has seen PF, but he's probably the only one and Tipper probably turned it off.
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ally
Now there is a great idea: John Waters writes speeches for the next President.
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oliver_suddenly
Have you ever eaten a horseradish in the nude?
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john_waters
No, Oliver, I don't think so, no.
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gunnm
What's your top five magazine subscription favorites?
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john_waters
1) Adult Video News, 2) Jet, 3) The Provincetown Banner, 4) The NY Post and 5) The National Inquirer.
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q_tip
Is America a sexy place, in your opinion?
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john_waters
Is America sexy? Yes, but compared to what, North Korea?
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ally
Let's ask something serious: How do you like your sex? (And don't say often please.)
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john_waters
How I like my sex is not something I feel compelled to share over the Internet. And I've said it before: I can't jerk-off and type, which you need to be able to do if you're going to talk about sex on the Internet.
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toby
If you were gonna have to live out your life as one of your characters, who would it be?
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john_waters
Well, I am living my life as one of my characters: John Waters. Don't you think he's in all my movies?
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toby
Cop out. You know what I mean. I'd be Edith.
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john_waters
Cop out? No, it's just a boring question. I couldn't even fake a good answer.
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toby
Ouch.
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salaciouswit
jon
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john_waters
That I've had really good friends who are still really good friends after 30 years. And with that Gandhi-like statement, I think I'll sign off . . .Thank you.
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