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12 Things Not To Do During A One Night Stand

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I promise I have never once done any of these things.

  1. So you just got back to David's/Tanya's/Jamiroquai's apartment.


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  2. Do not go back on your sober promise to not hook up with anyone, and sloppily shave your legs and vagina in the bathroom at 3 am.


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  3. Do not, under any circumstances, try to dance "sexy" for them.


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  4. Do not let their dog in the room while you're gettin' it. 


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  5. Do not pause during sex to eat that bag of sour cream and onion chips you bought at the bodega.


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  6. Do not slap them in the face during sex without asking. Unless they're into that, in which case:


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  7. Do not, at any point, fall asleep in the bathtub.


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  8. No surprise butt stuff either.


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  9. In the morning, do not give them a play-by-play of last night's events including constructive criticism.


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  10. Don't forget to make yourself pretty in the morning.


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  11. If you can't remember your new friend's name, do not let them watch you enter their number into your phone.


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  12. And most important of all: when exiting, don't say, "You don't need to know my last name," before walking directly into their closet. 


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