As the great Salt-N-Pepa once sang: Let's talk about sex. (C'mon.)
I once went on a date with a handsome mountain man, and things were going well. He was cute, well-read, and we talked about food for two hours, which gave me an enormous, uncontainable boner. So we went back to his apartment where there was a cat (first red-flag) and things started getting freaky. Everything seemed to be going according to plan, and then this began:
Him: (excitedly) Oh, so you're a bad little girl, huh?
Me: Sorry, what?
Him: Yeah, you're a dirty little girl!
Me: (flustered) Umm. Well I guess I cheated on a few tests in high school. And I don't shower every day, so I guess I do kind of have a 'devil may care' thing going on, but it's not —
Him: Yeah, say it!
Him: Say you're a bad little girl!
Me: (resigned) Oh, boy.
Now, I have no problem with dirty talk. I just wasn't into this particular brand and I didn't know how to address it without embarrassing both of us. This was my mistake. It's been proven that talking about your sexual likes and dislikes makes you much more satisfied and comfortable, which in turn makes it much easier for women to come. But rarely do people actually talk about sex before they hook up for the first time.
In an ideal world there would be a sexual checklist you could fill out when you meet someone, much like the menu at The Meatball Shop, where you can pick the things you like and ignore what you don't (e.g. extra cheese, please don't call me a "small child"). This will also help you to avoid situations where you do the regrettable without permission, like slap an unwilling partner in the face. (I'm sorry about that.)
Dating apps like OkCupid show you your sexual match percentage with a potential date and you can search for people based on personality traits like "kinkiness", "aggressiveness" and "sex experience" to see if they're your style. But if you meet your partner IRL, the conversation needs to be more organic. A study by Assistant Professor Elizabeth Babin at Cleveland State University in Ohio found that "apprehension in talking about sex can spoil one's sexual enjoyment, with that anxiety linked both to less communication in bed and less satisfaction overall. Unsurprisingly, less sexual communication apprehension and higher sexual self-esteem were both associated with more communication" about sex.
At the end of the day, having someone inside of you is pretty much the most intimate thing on this earth and if you're not comfortable talking about it, you're probably not going to be comfortable doing it. As the great band Salt-N-Pepa once sang: Let's talk about sex. (C'mon.) Let's talk about sex. (Do it.) Let's talk about sex. (Uh-huh.)
Image via YouTube.