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The Practical Guide To Taking the Best Puss Shots

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How to become an expert vagina photographer.

Sometimes the person you're banging asks you for a sensual picture of yourself. And sometimes you send them over a boob shot or a lingerie photo from when you were 20 and in a better place in your life. And sometimes they say, "I've seen that picture five times. I know you didn't just take that. I want to see you naked now." But you've never taken a pic of your "up-close-and-personal" before. What are you gonna do?

1. Set The Scene

Get those bags of Flamin' Hot Cheetos and dirty sweatpants off of your bed. It's not time for that. It's time to take a beautiful, intimate portrait of your vagina. 

2. Get It Lit

Get some low-lighting set up. A small lamp with a few candles creates a nice glow. Avoid an overhead florescent light beaming onto your labia majora. The goal is not to appear dead, it is to look like you're 100 percent alive and ready for sex (and maybe lit softly enough that his imagination has to do some of the filling in).

3. Grooming

Whether you prefer a forest of hair, a trimmed look, or smooth as the day you were born, make sure your current situation reflects that and that you're comfortable.

4. Inside vs. Outside

Don't be afraid of getting all up in there. Take a few external shots of the mons and then throw those legs behind your head (or if you're not flexible, just get them out of the shot) and go to town. Show them the puss, the whole puss, and nothing but the puss. 

5. Quality Control

Do not take this on an LG Chocolate or any other device intended to distort and demean your beautiful vagina. And hold the Instagram filters. A grainy, sepia, vulva shot never got anyone off.

6. Hands-Free

There's an app so you can hands-free shoot your puss so the shadow from your hand doesn't make your suitor think you have a melanin problem. 

7. Wet Your Whistle

A stage-ready vagina is a wet vagina. Get some lube out. Masturbate! A tasteful "fingers inside" shot is always appreciated. 

8. Get Ready 

Play around, see what works best. Take 50 pics and delete 49 of them. Do your thang. Also, make your bed, because after you send these babies your boo thang will probably be at your apartment within 15 minutes. 

Image via xochit710