My New Re-Virginity

FICTION

posted 12/9/2007

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At night, I'd cruise the porn sites for old time's sake (Dickslave, Booty Camp, Pussified) but the images seemed savage and pointless, all that colliding meat, a kind of frantic opera of depression. My mind wandered. My loyal staff lay atop its hairy sac, unmoved by the moaning.

I called David and demanded to know what was happening. "You know what I did this weekend? I read the fucking Bell Jar, and I thought about my soul."

"This is your journey," he said.

"Bullshit!"

I could hear David take a slug of his coffee. "Listen," he said. "I've got a group coming in like five minutes. Can we talk later?"

"No," I screamed. "I haven't had a hard-on for five weeks. She's put a spell on me. That's what she's done. And you're her fucking Svengali. So now I'm telling you, I want out."

The closer we got to V-Day, the more leering her manner grew.

"Calm down," he said. "This is all perfectly natural, man. Your spirit is in ascendance. Don't fight it. Climb off the lust carousel. Look at the world around you, man. Expand."

"I don't want to expand," I said.

David sighed. "How do you feel deep inside," he said. "Just give me one word."

I thought hard for a minute.

"Chaste," I said finally, and hung up with a lump in my throat.

Sienna was not feeling chaste. The closer we got to V-Day, the more leering her manner grew. It was summer now and she barely wore any clothing. Her colleagues were talking. Every day, she dropped by my cubicle and told me about her kegel regimen and her health drinks and her vulgar needs, which I had so cherished once. She stroked my back and gave me big dewy looks. I felt besieged, but my ego kept me from turning her away.

Then the big day had arrived, August 19, a Sunday. Sienna had a ceremony with Minky and David and the rest of the revirgin crew. They gave testimonials. They talked about purity and renewal and drank large quantities of sangria. Then Sienna tore over to my place and told me the rest of the story. She'd gone into the bathroom at the tapas place and told this girl she had great hair and the girl had said she had a great ass and given her ass a little love slap and Sienna had mentioned that she was a virgin and the girl and went ooh and ahh and said, I've never fingered a virgin before! And Sienna said, There's always a first time.

I couldn't tell if she was bullshitting me or what. But I could see how hard she was trying. The sun was shining behind her, casting her body in a nimbus, and for a moment I felt that old flicker. Then a cloud passed over and her face looked too eager. I told her I admired what she'd done, even if I hadn't always been supportive, and that I was sorry to have missed the ceremony and I was sorry, also, that I'd been out to lunch these past few months. I wasn't sure if I believed she was really a virgin again, but it was her belief that mattered, and her happiness.

She said, "That's all I've ever wanted to hear from you, Dink!" Then she began taking her clothes off.

I said, "Don't do that. Seriously. All this hard work and sacrifice. You achieved something and now you're going to throw it away?"

Sienna was naked to the waist and running her fingers over her breasts. She reached back and unzipped her skirt. "It's my virginity," she said. "Not yours. I can do with it what I like."

"Nobody's saying you can't," I said.

She wiggled out of her skirt and there was her glorious pubic sash. "You've been so good and patient, Dink," she said. "You didn't fuck some other slut, did you?"

I shook my head.

She smiled. "I would have known anyway." She walked over and kneeled and slid my shorts down. I was back from an afternoon spin class, so I had sneakers on. There was no way to make the situation graceful, so she went for slapstick and pushed me onto the couch and flung my shoes and socks over her shoulder.

"I need to shower," I said.

She shook her head. "Later. Now we get the reward. It's going to be so tight, Dink. Have you been thinking about that? You have."

I wanted to tell her I hadn't really, but she was doing her best porno drool now, licking the salt from the ticklish skin of my groin and all like that. I could feel her becoming more insistent, her cheeks hollowed out, her nose huffing over my limpish little manhood.

I set my hand on her shoulder. "Please," I said.

Sienna climbed my body and leaned back to show me just how crazy drippy she was. The more theatrical she got, the more pity I felt. Whatever magic force had joined us — maybe it was nothing more than hormonal yearning — was broken. The purity of the thought appealed to me.

But Sienna was absolutely furious, as if her dowry had been returned untouched. "What is this?" she said, slapping at my cock. "Have you gone faggot on us, Dink?"

I looked up at her boobs, hanging there. Nothing.

"I always figured you liked it up the ass too much." She spit on her fingers. "Is this what you want?" She nudged back, so as to pin my legs.

"Relax," I said.

"You relax." Sienna burrowed between my legs and jabbed her fingers inside.

I let out a cry.

"I said relax."

Every man has his limit. For me, it was a sudden finger raping by my psycho former fucktoy. I sat up and landed a soft shot on Sienna's chin. She went down clean and I held her by the cheeks.

"Please don't touch me without my permission," I pleaded. "You asked for this. You were the one. Everything was going so well."

Sienna laughed. She reached down and felt me stiffening. "You gonna choke me out, Dink? Is that what turns you on now? Or maybe you want a shot at my ass?"

"Stop," I said. "Just stop."

"Come on," she said. "It's happening." She gave my balls a nostalgic little squeeze. I thought of the old times, what I'd felt for Sienna, that golden fever. That was what she wanted back. It was heartbreaking to look into her eyes.

My cock, though, had obeyed her wishes. It was snarling with blood. "You're right," I said. "Turn over. Get on your knees. Get that ass in the air. Higher. I want to be able to see everything." And there was her pussy with its familiar shape and scent. I pressed myself against her and moved in slowly and I knew it was the last time we'd touch one another, that her warmth would envelope me, but I couldn't feel the necessary regret. Sienna, belting out her fraudulent noises of lust, reached back and brought my hand to her clit. She was still pretending we could rescue each other.

And when at last I released a slow racking sob, Sienna turned and smiled in profile. "Don't cry, baby," she whispered. "The first time is always the hardest." n°