That Mall Feeling by Karen Bowes

Me and Sidney are playing that our Barbies are on a game show. The name of the game show is "The Winner's Circle" and the object of the game is to finish the host's — Ken's — sentence with a rhyme we both agree doesn't suck. For example, Ken might say, "Bananarama is my favorite band . . . " and then my Barbie responds, " . . . they sing faster than an airplane can land." Then Sidney's Barbie makes up a rhyme — say, "'Venus on a Mountain Top' is really neat. When I hear that song, I eat raw meat." We judge which one is better and that Barbie gets the prize. So far I've won a trip to Bermuda, a new car and a fabulous matching living room set. Sidney is deciding what the next prize will be (a toss-up between a free makeover and a water bed) when the phone rings. It's Carmen Penelope. She wants me to meet her at the mall. She's already there, calling from a pay phone.
     "Like, I just saw those guys at the arcade, and I think the cute one really likes me."
     I could take the bus and be there in half an hour but my mom's still at work and I can't leave Sidney home by her self.
     "Just bring her with you," she says.
     "I can't do that," I say. "My mom will freak out if she comes home and we're not here."
     "I know! Why don't I bring them over there, to your house? I'd bring them to my house but it's like, a total mess. You wanna?"
     I really don't wanna but this is Carmen Penelope's big chance to lose her virginity. I say okay and hang up. Sidney is already packing up the Barbie stuff when I tell her I can't play anymore.
     "I heard, " she says. I open the refrigerator and search for something decent to make. I end up making celery sticks covered in chunky peanut butter and arrange them neatly on a platter. I go to my room and put the bra on. Just in case. I spend at least fifteen minutes trying to get my hair to look like Daisy Duke's but it comes out looking more like I used too much conditioner. Flat. Sidney comes in with a plastic pink headband she never uses and I gratefully put it on. I bring the celery platter into the living room and place it on the coffee table.
     Tweet-tweet. Flutter-flutter. Fido and Rover are wrestling over the big white sharpening rock on the side of their cage. Little bits of feathers are flying out and landing on the carpet. Fido seems

to be winning the wrestling match because Rover is actually under him when I enter the room. Rover's tail feather is being pinned down by Fido's orange feet, freezing Rover, and causing high-pitched squeaking.
     "I'm really starting to hate them," says Sidney.
     The doorbell rings soon after and I see La Rock, the Slayer guy and Carmen Penelope standing on my front stoop.
     "Hi," I say. Carmen Penelope looks sick, paler than usual.
     "Like, this isn't going to take that long," she says before she can even get inside. The boys grunt and we all walk into the living room where Sidney is picking up the birdcage to hide in her room.
     "Hey, where you going with those birds?" asks La Rock.
     Sidney looks at me, terrified: a boy is talking to her. She stands frozen for a second and then plants the cage back down on the floor and runs into her room.
     "Those are pretty cool birds," says La Rock. "Do you ever let them out of the cage?"
     "God no, I mean, we just got them. We haven't had a chance yet."
     Carmen Penelope gives me a look that says, Do what ever he says. She has her feet up on the coffee table and she lights a cigarette. The Slayer guy is standing in the doorway, not getting too close.
     "Whatever," I say. And I think, maybe that is why they've been acting so crazy. La Rock opens the cage and grabs Fido in his fist, letting him go outside the cage. He doesn't have to grab Rover because Rover darts out of the cage as soon as La Rock lets go of Fido. The two of them head straight for the window and bang their heads into the glass. They flutter backwards a few feet and then they do it again. And again. And again, until I'm afraid they're going to get brain damage if they don't stop. I'm getting really freaked out and the four of us are just standing around, not saying a word, just watching these birds kill themselves. Finally, Slayer guy says, "Those are some fucked-up birds you got there, man."
     "Maybe you should put them back in their cage," says La Rock.
     "You took them out," I say.
     "They're your fucked-up birds," he says.
     I try. I really do. Sidney comes out of her room and watches me chase them both back and forth as they crash over and over. They hit their little heads about twelve times each before Rover starts spinning around in circles like a cartoon. He does a belly flop and lands right smack on top of the peanut butter celery sticks. Sidney screams. But it sounds like a happy scream. A cry of relief. One down and one to go. With Rover out cold it's much easier to catch Fido as he deflects off the glass. I catch him by standing still in the middle of the room with my hands extended, guessing where he'll rebound. Fido is much lighter than I thought he would be and La Rock holds the cage door open so I can shove him back in. Once he's back inside the cage I still have a chance to check out Rover. If he isn't dead, he's definitely in a coma. Sidney says she's going to start digging a hole in the backyard and she leaves to go outside.
     "A-duh," says Carmen Penelope. "We can't bury him unless we know for sure he's dead."
     "Hey, do you have a hammer? I could clobber him over the head with a hammer. Then he'd be really dead," offers Slayer guy.
     "This is so cool," says La Rock.
     I can't decide what to do. If Rover is in a coma there's still a chance he might wake up. I don't want to bury him alive.
     "I think it's best to wait at least an hour," I say. "If he doesn't wake up by ten minutes before my mom's due home then we should clobber him and bury him in the backyard with a funeral service and everything. In the meantime, though, I don't want to touch him."
     So we just leave him there, face down in the celery sticks, and go downstairs to play Spin the Bottle.

We use an empty Pepsi bottle Slayer finds in the garbage. We sit Indian-style in a circle on the rug and Carmen Penelope lays down the rules. The first time the bottle lands on a person you haven't kissed yet you get a peck. Then open mouth, then tongue and then five minutes in the bathroom. She spins first and the bottle points at me.
     "No fair," she says. "I get a re-spin."
     "Uh, that's not what you said five minutes ago," says Slayer. I don't care either way. I've never kissed anybody before but this is only a peck. It doesn't even count. She leans over and barely brushes my cheek with her lip gloss. The first round is all pecking so it moves pretty smoothly until everybody has pecked everybody else.
     "Let's just skip to the tongue," says La Rock, looking at Carmen Penelope. "We don't have that much time before her mom comes home."
     "Totally," she says and whips the bottle with her palm. It lands on me again. "Oh Jesus."
     This time I want her to kiss me. I don't care what she says. Rules are rules. I lean into the center of the circle. She does the same.
     Slayer guy says, "Oh boy."
     She opens my mouth with her lips and lays her tongue down mine. She doesn't move it at all and I start to want her to. La Rock pokes me in the stomach and I fall forward into Carmen Penelope. Just like in the movies only it's two girls instead of a boy and a girl. I keep forgetting where I am and Carmen Penelope has her hands on my butt and La Rock and Slayer are making strange grunting sounds but I can't tell what they're doing because my eyes are closed. Plus, I don't care. Then Carmen Penelope starts making grunting sounds and I realize that the mall feeling is back inside my crotch, only different now, more intense and bubbly. I start making noises too because that's what everybody else is doing and then the door flies open. It's my mother. She's holding the celery platter with Rover on it and she screams when she sees what we're doing and drops the whole thing on the floor, proving once and for all that Rover is, in fact, dead because he bounces when he hits the rug. I look around and La Rock and Slayer are both touching their things. They are trying to stuff them back into their jeans but their things won't bend and their faces are pink.
     And my mother. My poor tired mother wants to know since when do children have orgies? And she just can't handle this pressure anymore. And could I please inform her when I'm going to have guests? And who the hell are these people anyway? And why am I not outside helping Sidney dig? And you just can't decide to have a pet and then abandon it once you realize it's not all fun and games and if you're so bent on destroying your future then maybe you shouldn't be having parakeets at all. And Jesus, Mary and Joseph, she says, am I not her daughter and what's wrong with me and didn't I understand that I could ruin everything she's ever worked for? Didn't I understand anything at all?
     She turns to leave but Sydney comes barreling down the stairs with the shovel and a shoebox. "I've already written the eulogy," she states proudly. "Now all have to do is get the body."
     I look at Carmen Penelope to see if this is cool with her but she's too busy plucking fibers out of the carpet to notice. She pulls them out with her two most yellow fingers, dropping each one carefully into the empty Pepsi bottle. I know exactly what she's thinking because I'm thinking the same thing too. It would be cool to have a funeral right now, even if we are too old.