Rachel is wearing a pale red thong, a panda-head hairclip and a red jersey leisure dress. She rubs organic coconut oil on her thighs and arms. She thinks, "Sexy bitches," and feels confused because "bitches" was plural but she is alone in the house. She goes downstairs and lies on the couch and stares at the ceiling. She thinks about a depressed hamster running into the ocean screaming in agony. She thinks about her boyfriend flying through the air attacking her with his penis. The penis hits her shoulder and knocks her down. She feels wet. Her cellphone rings. It’s her boyfriend. "I’m in the taxi," Matt says. "I’ll be there soon."
"Thank you for calling," Rachel says.
"You’re welcome," Matt says.
In the taxi, Matt stares outside. A snowshoe hare falls out of a very tall tree, hits a branch, hits another branch, lands on the snow, and then runs away quickly. Matt averts his eyes. He thinks about slipping wildly on a patch of organic extra-virgin olive oil on the sidewalk. He grins a little. At Rachel’s house he gives the taxi driver a fifty-percent tip and feels proud. Rachel opens the door. Matt looks at Rachel’s face and body and feels excited. Rachel has a soft body with many curves and also her rib cage and shoulder blades are visible. She has large eyes, a small nose and a small mouth. She has dyed black hair. Matt wants to have sex with her face and body, but with a penis the size of Rachel’s face and body, shaped so that it fits on her like a mold, so that when they have sex it looks like Rachel is just standing there with a thin layer of sensitive crotch meats enveloping her like a scuba suit. Matt feels confused.
"Are you okay?" Rachel says.
"Yes," Matt says. "Are you okay?"
"Yes," Rachel says, and hugs Matt. She takes Matt’s bag. She gives Matt water. "Thank you," Matt says, and drinks the water. Rachel feels an uncontrollable urge to lie on top of Matt without doing anything else, just lying on top, but the feeling passes. She has an image of sitting on the side of a bathtub petting Matt while Matt is taking a bath.
"Was the taxi bad?" Rachel says.
"I don’t know," Matt says. "The guy was good. I think it was okay." Matt thinks about the taxi driver. It was a strange man who was normal — a normal man. Matt feels frustrated. "It was just a taxi," he says. "But it was good."
Matt kisses Rachel’s mouth and the area between Rachel’s mouth and Rachel’s nose. "Rachel’s nose is an elegant piece of work," Matt thinks seriously. They go upstairs into Rachel’s room, which is dark. There are two beds. One is a normal bed; the other is a nest of blankets and pillows on the floor. Rachel and Matt choose the nest. They lie on the nest and kiss and Matt removes Rachel’s hairclip and puts it on the floor.
Matt turns Rachel so she is facing away and her ass is against his crotch. He touches her stomach and her rib cage. Rachel rubs her ass against Matt’s crotch. "That’s it," Matt thinks. "That’s it," Matt says. "That’s how I like it." Rachel laughs a little. She lies on Matt facing the ceiling and continues rubbing her ass on Matt’s crotch. Matt kisses Rachel’s neck. Matt pulls Rachel’s dress up and puts his hands under Rachel’s thong. Matt looks over Rachel’s shoulder at her chest and stomach. It looks good. "Fucking sexy," Matt thinks, and feels embarrassed. "Sexy," Matt says. He puts his middle finger in Rachel’s vagina, which is wet. "My longest finger," Matt thinks. "Perfect." He puts his middle finger all the way into Rachel’s vagina and splays his two forefingers out onto Rachel’s skin like a bowling ball. He rubs the inside top wall of Rachel’s vagina with the tip of his middle finger.
Rachel moans a little. "Feel the pleasure," Matt thinks. "That’s it. That’s what I like to hear." He wants to keep moving his finger at a steady pace but the position is difficult and his finger is tired. Matt feels defeated. "Don’t use all-or-nothing patterns of thought," he thinks. "That is dramatic." Matt feels consoled. He sits at Rachel’s feet and takes off her thong. He takes off Rachel’s dress. He continues with his middle finger at a slower speed. He licks two fingers on his other hand and uses those fingers to quickly rub Rachel’s clit back and forth.
He sits on her thighs and touches her stomach and ribs. Matt stares at Rachel’s rib cage with a neutral facial expression. He has an urge to scream in despair because the rib cage is very sexy, but is able to control himself completely, without it affecting his neutral facial expression. He stares at Rachel’s face and kisses it. He touches her lips. He licks her neck and bites the neck meats a little and Rachel makes some little noises. He slides backward and licks her vagina. He sucks on her clit. He moves forward. Rachel sits and sees Matt’s penis.
She moves her mouth toward Matt’s penis. Matt moves his penis toward her mouth.
Rachel thinks about Matt ramming his penis very hard into her mouth so that the penis head exits the back of her head like when people shoot themselves to commit suicide. She has an image of an okapi playing an electric guitar in NOFX and jumping in the air with a ballet movement. Matt carries her head higher, then stands and pushes her head back against the mattress of the normal bed, and pushes his penis into her head. Most of Matt’s penis is in Rachel’s head. Matt moves his body back. Most of Matt’s penis is outside of Rachel’s head. Matt repeats this and touches Rachel’s cheeks and pulls her hair back sometimes and looks down at her face, which is calm and nice and makes Matt feel like a quiet scene of a suburban neighborhood very late at night with snow falling, where one piece of snow is not snow but a white hamster falling very slowly with a neutral facial expression.
Matt holds his penis and moves close to Rachel’s face so that the base of his penis is at Rachel’s mouth. Matt pushes some of his penis meats into Rachel’s mouth. Matt puts his penis back in Rachel’s mouth. It is very warm inside her mouth. Matt feels a strong urge to rip
her head off so that he can hold it and look at it closer, and throw it and hide in the closet with it, and eventually fall asleep inside the closet, but is able to control himself, partly because it doesn’t make sense to do that, since he could look at her face closer just by moving his own face closer, not by ripping her head off, which would also kill her.
Matt pulls Rachel up and puts her on the bed. He pulls her thighs toward him and puts his penis into her vagina and goes back and forth. He goes very fast. "I know she likes it fast," Matt thinks. "She said she liked it fast. I remember that she said that, and now I am doing it fast." Matt feels wise. He feels strongly that he has a positive worldview and is in control of his life. Rachel begins to moan. Matt puts one hand on her neck like to choke her and applies pressure. He puts another hand on her jawbone with a finger in her mouth. Rachel is moaning. "Concentrate on speed and pleasure," Matt thinks with a serious facial expression. He observes Rachel’s face very intensely and steadily with eyeballs that move around to look at her mouth, eyes, cheeks and nose while also concentrating on the sensations in his crotch area. Sometimes he concentrates less on the sensations and more on speed and position so that he does not ejaculate. He moves his body both methodically and recklessly. "It is hard to be reckless right now because the penis can only go in and out," Matt thinks. He feels a little reckless but also feels confused at how he is being reckless.
He climbs on the bed and sits on Rachel’s chest and puts his penis in her mouth. He changes positions so that he is lying on top of Rachel and his penis goes straight down into Rachel’s mouth. He turns his body so that his mouth is near Rachel’s vagina. He looks at the vagina. He licks it a little. He sucks on it. Rachel moans with Matt’s penis in her mouth. "This is really good, I think," Matt thinks. "This is a good position. Productive. Good job. Victory." Matt moves his chin toward his own chest and looks back at his penis that is going into Rachel’s mouth. Matt sees Rachel’s neck. It reminds him of a clean white fish bobbing vertically and repeatedly out of and back into the ocean, something Matt has never seen before. Matt kisses Rachel’s clit and feels Rachel’s tongue moving around against his penis. Matt feels like a small lamb levitated twenty feet above a green pasture slowly floating toward a sparkling river not yet polluted by factory farms.
Matt turns Rachel over and looks at her ass. He finds her vagina with his finger and puts his penis in. He holds her neck with one hand and her chest with another. He pulls her neck back so her face is more than sideways and looks at her profile and kisses her mouth and neck.
Matt gets off the bed and goes onto the nest on the floor and lies on his back with a neutral pose. Rachel quickly closes the distance and puts Matt’s penis in her mouth. Matt ejaculates into Rachel’s mouth. Matt moans a little. Rachel continues to lick Matt’s penis. Matt picks up Rachel and puts her on the bed so that her ass is on the edge of the bed. He pushes his lips into Rachel’s clit. He licks the area between the clit and where the normal skin of her inner thighs begins. He licks the left side and the right side. "I wonder if that feels good," Matt thinks. He feels small and quiet. "Even if it doesn’t feel good, it probably doesn’t feel bad," Matt thinks. He puts two fingers into Rachel’s vagina and takes them out. He repeats that.
While doing that he puts his lips on Rachel’s clit and sucks it into his mouth, where he has prepared a small saliva bath for it, and then pushes it out. He counts to ten repeatedly while doing that. Sometimes he counts to fifty or sixty, then starts over. He feels his own body resting. His knees are on the floor on blankets. He feels the calmness of what is happening in the room and feels the empty house and briefly feels Pennsylvania and sees the shape of the state and then concentrates on Rachel’s noises in conjunction to his finger, lip and tongue movements, so as to develop a physically sustainable set of movements in order to maximize Rachel’s noises. Rachel is moaning loudly. Juice begins to fall out of Rachel’s vagina. "It’s falling out," Matt thinks. Rachel touches Matt’s head and tries to pull his head up. Matt continues for a little longer and more vaginal juice falls out. Rachel pulls Matt toward her. Matt climbs on the bed and kisses Rachel. Her mouth is very warm.
"Did you orgasm?" Matt says.
"Yes," Rachel says. "Do you feel good?"
"Yes," Matt says. "Do you feel good?"
Rachel feels like a sombrero-shaped galaxy slowly expanding in the eyepiece of a fourth-grader’s telescope. "Yes," she says. n°
©2007 Tao Lin and Nerve.com.
|ABOUT THE AUTHOR:|
|Tao Lin is the author of a collection of poetry, You Are a Little Bit Happier Than I Am (Action Books), two existential sex books on Bear Parade, and two sex advice books, Bed (Melville House) and EEEEE EEE EEEE (Melvile House), which will be published in April of 2007. Tao’s sex essays have been published in McSweeney’s, Juked, and Harper’s. His sex blog about existential literature is called Reader of Depressing Books.|