So what do they mean? Are you supposed to wash yourself multiple times during the day? Anyway, it’s good to have a juicy pussy. It’s extremely helpful for certain things. The concept of “inadequate hygiene” is flexible — like a pussy. So there.

I take one of the adult diapers out of the translucent plastic container. Oh man, they’re huge. They’ve got a big, thick square pad in the middle and four thin, plastic tabs to secure at the waist. They’d easily fit around a fat old man — that’s how big they are. It’s not something I want to need so early in life. Please. There’s a knock at the door.

In comes a smiling nurse with his hair sticking up like a cockatoo. “Hello, Miss Memel. My name is Robin. I can see you’re already getting familiar with the supplies you’ll need during the next few days. You’re going to have surgery on your anus, an unhygienic area — the most unhygienic part of the body, in fact. With the items in the container you’ll be able to tend to your wound all by yourself after the operation. We recommend that at least once a day you get in the shower and use the showerhead to rinse out the wound. It’s best to make sure you spray water up inside. With a little practice, it’s easy. It’ll be a lot less painful for you to clean the wound that way than to wipe it with towels. After you’ve rinsed, just pat it dry with a washcloth. I’ve also got a sedative here. You can take it now. It makes the transition to general anesthesia easier. We’re just about ready — it should be some ride.”

None of this sounds like a problem. I certainly know my way around a showerhead. And I know just how to get the spray inside. As Robin pushes me through the hallways on my rolling bed and I watch the long fluorescent light bulbs pass

I certainly know my way around a showerhead.

overhead, I discreetly reach down under the sheet and put my hand on my pubic mound to settle myself down before the operation. I divert my attention from the fear by thinking of how I would get myself off with the showerhead when I was younger.

At first I’d just aim the streams of water at my pussy; later I’d hold the ladyfingers aside so the water would hit the dewlaps and snail tail. The harder the better. It should really sting. At some point a few jets of water actually shot up inside my pussy. And I realized this was my thing. To let it fill up and — just as nice — to let it all run out again.

I sit cross-legged in the tub, leaning back with my butt slightly raised. Then I push all the lips to the side, where they belong, and very slowly and carefully slide the thick showerhead in. I don’t need any lube — just the thought that I’m about to fill myself up makes my pussy produce plenty of helpful slime. The best lube is Pjur brand because it doesn’t clump and it’s unscented. I hate scented lubes. It’s usually when the showerhead is finally in — which can take a while, because it takes time to stretch out that much — I rotate it so the side the water shoots out of is facing up toward the cervix, toward the spot a guy with a long cock can hit in certain positions. Next the water is turned on, nice and strong. I fold my arms behind my head — both hands are free because my pussy holds the showerhead all by itself — close my eyes, and hum “Amazing Grace.”

After what I guess is about four liters, I turn the water off and very carefully pull out the showerhead, letting out as little water as possible. I need the water to get off. I tap the showerhead on my ladyfingers, swollen from being held apart, until I come.