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May 11, 1999
| FICTION |
The following letters were written on postage-paid "Tell Us About Your
Visit" cards found in Wendy's fast-food restaurant. They are excerpted
from a series of more than 340 letters written over about a year's time.
September 2, 1996 I love the cleanliness of a Wendy's. Such a clean is not in any sense a banishing of genitalia; it is the creation of a quiet bright mind-space that allows for the deliciousness of genitalia to become obvious. I look out over the colorful clean tables and the pretty food posters and I like people again; each has a dick and balls, or a cunt and titties, which, clean, are simply enjoyable. |
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Joe Wenderoth and Nerve.com
Commentarium (65 Comments)
Its a rare thing for me to find a friend -- a sign I should enter a "seeking" mode, perhaps -- that I can interact with honestly about complex affairs and the delight to be found in such interactions. Each time that I visit Nerve.com I check for a new Bit by you. I have enjoyed every single Naughty Bit that you have made available on Nerve.com. I can't hold myself up as an authority on what you write about, so I'll just state that I enjoy it greatly. I will momentarily be checking out Kevin Canty's book that you recommended -- your excerpt and introduction affected me deeply. Thank you.
Re: Rochester...Refreshing to find Rochester quoted on the web, particularly "The Imperfect Enjoyment." Hilarious and technically brilliant, he's a better poet by far than Dryden, whom he satirizes here.
I wish you had printed Dante's Italian as well, easy to follow side-by-side with a fairly literal translation, and wonderfully moving.
Maybe it is hard to score the rights but I was hoping for book passages that are much more erotic than I have found here. Am I jaded? I have read better, I am sure of it.
I had to write and tell you how much I love that you included Mark Leyner's hilarious phone message from "Elizabeth Hurlick, one of Trudy's friends from school" in your column for Nerve. I can't tell you how often I quote that last line: "Trudy says you're creepy in a sort of attractive way and that sounds fun." The book-on-tape is hours of fun too. Especially with a crowd.
Re: your Pynchon excerpt...I thought for sure you were going to recount the orgy on the boat scene, I forgot about that one.
Excellent choice for a Pynchon excerpt. I read that gem of a passage to my buds during my undergrad and the photocopies were soon flying. Your description of GR is the best one I've read yet 'cause it acknowledges the confusion so well. Thanks. Have you read M&D yet? Tom seems to have calmed down a bit since GR but he still bites.
After exploring Nerve, I am quite pleased with the quality of the site and the class with which it was put together. However, I do take serious issue and offense to the fact that under the category of erotic passages from literature, a passage written by the Marquis De Sade was offered. While I agree that book banning is contemptuous, the passage glorifies sexual abuse and rape. Two issues which are very real and very physically and psychologically damaging to the survivor. As an educated woman with a degree in Sociology with a concentration in Gender studies, I feel that such material goes beyond erotic fantasy and enters the realm of violent hate literature which promotes the sublimation, humiliation, abuse etc. of young women. The psychopathology of the Uncle in the story is hardly erotic. Bondage et al. can be a positive experience but one must remember that Sade was never noted for engaging in such behaviors with women able due to position in life etc., to enter into the acts with full willingness. Indeed, the man was a rapist who used power and intimidation to satisfy urges in a manner which produced great bodily harm. In this age it is important to distinguish literature on S/M from literature about violence, power and rage. One out of four women will be the victim of a sexual crime of violence in her lifetime. Material about bondage or spanking is great if it is presented in a non-demeaning way. The reason I and others like this site is that we are pretty confident no thirteen-year-old runaways are posing for the pictures, etc. I implore you to be cautious in choosing your material. Some acts are, simply put, deranged and devoid of any and all psychological health and/or reason. Thank you for your time.
How about something from John Barth? I find some of his sex scenes to be the most hilarious ever, especially a bit in the Floating Opera where the young man's sensation is that he is ejaculating various internal organs whole and entire.
When I was a graduate student, I studied Medieval Lit. and we did extensive reading of the Pearl Poet. The sexual references abound in his writing. In "The Pearl" the reader is unclear whether the narrator is the father or the lover or both of the Pearl of great worth. The descriptions of the angels gowns are very sheer and show great amounts of flesh (open at the sides). But really Gawain was my favorite. Given the terms of the arrangement between Sir Gawain visiting in the pagan court, what ever Gawain receives during the day he must give like to the king in the evening. If he accepts the queens sexual offer, he must (as per their agreement) at days end bend over for the king. For more interesting medieval sexual reading find some Fableaus. The French had a literary genre devoted to it. My professor had a favorite. It went something like this: Midwinter a husband and wife where seeking entertainment given the dark nights. The husband said to his good wife, "Dear wife what say you to playing a game?" "That sounds wonderful good husband. What game shall we play?" "I know. I will hold something in my hand, you touch it and guess what it is." "What a wonderful game husband. Let us play." So the husband took his member into his hand and as his wife felt the flesh she did rightly guess what it was. Now it was her turn. Her husband was very encouraging. She told him she was ready and so the game began. He came to her and felt the thing. "It is warm and soft" he said "but still I am not sure. May I taste your thing?' he asked. "That would be very good my dear husband" the wife said. So the husband got to his knees and put his face in, pulling back and exclaiming "Shit." "Exactly right" said the wife. Thank you for your forum.
Just a quick line to tell you how much I look forward to reading your installments of literature. I really enjoyed the banned book section as well. I thought I might suggest some e e cummings poetry on love, some of his descriptions are rather delicious, and his unusual use of syntax and punctuation give it a nice tone. Just a thought...thanks for your good "stuff."
I always get a laff out of that Andrew Marvell...and sad to think that we've managed to reduce it to "My face is leaving in 15 minutes, be on it." At any rate...what are your feelings on John Donne's Elegy 19? "License my roving hands and let them go/Before, behind, between, above, below." Might be a good one for your "Naughty Bits."
Re: Marvell...That was a good choice, Jack -- Marvell has always been one of my faves. I love his pithyness and even scathing tongue, especially taken in the context of his period! the man must have been outrageous! But poetry seems to have no audience these days, and it's a shame to see these gems dusty and unopened. Do you have any more of his?
Regarding Llosa: I am amazed. Stupefied, really. But in a good way. Thank you.
Re: Ovid...I loved the piece you picked out. My friend and I found it highly enjoyable. Dare we reqest for more? I think the women of Ovid's time certainly must have. We particularly liked Ovid's advice on faking orgasm. I guess he liked the whole "fake it if you can't make it" line of thought. Please keep up the good work.
You're a great writer but unfortunately, as you know, it's no substitute for fucking... I liked Holly's knockers story. But as you know theater, I know TV (got an Emmy years back). My take is this would be a great voice-over. Just imagine when next you read this, you would see behind the scroll, the woman herself, moving, along with the paragraphs, rising, turning and approaching. Wowee.
Your column, and Nerve in general, is easily one of the best things on the Internet. Please keep all of the wonderful insight coming. I realize that it's impossible to appease everyone's literary tastes in your column, but any chance of an Updike excerpt one day?
Were it not for the bawds of yesterday there would be no perverts today!!!!
I plan on keeping my eye on you, Jack, as well as the magazine. 'Bout time there was something that was sexy, without being completely obnoxious, predictable, and catering to just men (which is what my own writing is all about: catering to women, but enjoyable to men as well).
Re: Sonnet 59...Thank you for sharing this piece Jack, but I am confused, as I do not see what you must see in these lines of verse and fancy. I am not usually one for poetry, and I do feel the images are clear in the beginning of the verse, but toward the middle he loses me. I gathered what you meant about the lobotomy comment toward the end, and COULD see a possible interpretation to the kind, but overall, I do not see the sensual connotation you implied in your beginning summations. :-( An interesting little piece, all the same. Again, thanks for sharing.
You kick ass Jack. My girlfriend read your notes and we had the best sex ever.
As yet, no excerpts from Batailles in "Naughty Bits." How about STORY OF THE EYE? Don't pass over that in silence. I remember it being more disgusting than erotic, but I did read it all the way through; must have been disgusted in an erotic way. (Maybe I just didn't touch myself enough while I was reading.) The melon-banging excerpt from McCarthy I always liked. How about the scene in McCarthy's Child of God in which Lester, the necrophiliac, goes shopping for red lacy panties for a dead girl he's got in his attic -- pretty romantic, no? As they say, "keep it up."
Re: Rabbit Redux...I sometimes wonder why, in a world so filled with passion, we attempt to control others with what is certainly considered to be nonpassion. What is the friendship that a husband and wife feel, if not a dispassionate display of emotion. Couples may be married for more than twenty years and the wife will say, "I love him even though he's bald and grey," or, "I have stuck with him through the difficult times." A man loves his wife and family, but is in love with his mistress. He trusts her not to tell the secrets of his hidden life. She holds sacred his reputation, wealth and future. How many lives does one share? The worker: who remains in control of his emotions. The lover: who reveals his very soul. The father: who nurtures and holds dear his family. The friend: who trusts the wife, even though he may not be trusted if the truth were known. When two marry and exchange vows they do not promise to never change, they promise to love each other. Is it true that men look at women as only sexual objects? Are they truly only conquests? If so, then why is he laying in the bed next to her and she is thinking of the other man? Are we not all continually seeking out that one person who sees our soul? Is the crime in the conquest, hunt and capture? Perhaps the real crime is not living within our nature. There are millions of people on Earth, yet we have little chance to find that one person who truly shares our thoughts and soul. Perfection would be to desire a man with passion, lust and hunger! Instead of being "friends" with him you submit to him and crave his control over you. Your body aches for his touch and his words ignite you. You give him your soul, saving your heart for puppies and flowers. Your friends are your mother and sister and schoolmates. He is your lover and master. I think it is true of passion, it must always burn.
I find I am enjoying your Naughty Bits column so much that I bookmarked it and return there whenever online. Another few sessions and I'll have read all the excerpts. It's nice to have them all in one place. Since I will soon be finished I hope you will keep adding to it. Maybe you'd consider adding something by Shakespeare, like Sonnet 129, or some other of the sugar'd sonnets or one of the numerous bawdy scenes in the plays, or in Venus and Adonis. Also, would you consider the "rape" scene from The Fountainhead or a love scene from Atlas Shrugged. I imagine you get a lot of suggestions for Molly Bloom's soliloquy; I actually think Bloom's solitary viewing of Gerty MacDowell on the beach is more erotic. [One question:] why, when extracting from Spenser, did you not choose the famous "Spenserian Wet Dream" of Book One, Canto I of The Faerie Queene? I think, if you re-read the passage to which I am referring, you will agree it is more erotic than your selection. Perhaps you'd consider posting it as well? Once again, it's a pleasure reading your site.
Re: Canterbury Tales...How fun it is to read this! I wish I had the time to spend my days inside books of such wonderful stories of lust. We learn so much with each encounter if we only surrender our souls. I've been studying men for the past three years and I am now beginning to find them quite delightful and extremely interesting. Odd as it may seem, what opened my eyes originally was Men are from Mars... I read it when challenged by a friend of mine, even though I could barely tolerate the author. I now find men fascinating and my experiences full of captivating discoveries. So much of life is missed being torn by the differences when we could be enjoying such lovely happiness and thrills to take us over the edge in ways we'd only dream.
Boy are you back in the saddle -- the Miller excerpt was hot AND eccentric. Oh boy -- "the little flag inside her" and "an accordion collapsing in a bag of milk." One funny thing you (not Miller) said -- you want to spend the rest of your life with a "single" person. No doubt you'll get a barrage of mail for that BONER. Keep it nasty, keep it regular.
After reading the Miller passage, I went back to Tropic of Cancer and really enjoyed his first-hand description of his friend having sex, he has a great sense of humor -- too many people, I think, leave that behind when getting between the sheets. I've only checked your site out a couple of times, but always liked what I've seen. I've been working on the Henry Miller Library site for a couple of years; check it out at: www.henrymiller.org -- and if any nerve.com staff ever want to visit Big Sur, they're always welcome at the Henry Miller Library!
I have just finished reading your bit on "Crash" & am wondering whether there is also room for "Transcendence," as far as it being another aspect of this film & of the "original" book? By the way, I agree w/ you that the book is much better than the film; but then again, isn't it always that way? Many people misunderstood the film, even less of them are familiar w/the book & this is (I think) primarily because Cronenberg had to stuff as much of it as he could into less than two hours & yet I think he was able to rise to the occasion in attempting an adaptation of the book whose primary character(s) are in what by then has become a state of psychological aphasia & it is because they are so numb & spent, that only extremes such as the ones that are attempted or (accidentally) happen that enables them to rise on to yet another, higher plateau. Vaughn is (nother) new (form of) messiah, one who's been liberated, somewhat, from its trappings & his is the task to enlighten others -- to recruit the way Jesus is said to have done for his posse of apostles -- and his goal & mission are to transcend the physical limits of his self by attempting to merge into the machine, should that fail then he's just as glad to receive in its stead: the metal. He's kind of a cyborg-wannabe & while Ballard makes copious notice of Vaughn's semen stained jeans, his desire for the melange of semen, blood, gasoline & engine coolant is, in essence, to enter the realm of the female, which I think came from Lacan, didn't it? (The whole thing about bodily fluids & how the males' are contained while w/the women's, it's all about being fluid, an ideal state) . I don't know, but the more I think about it, the more I believe that the gist (no pun intended) of the various characters in the book is to transcend that state of aphasia, even if it is through physical means to feel again. Thank you for hearing me out & please see if you can sit through another viewing of Cronenberg's "Crash" to see if you get a wider reading (or not).
Re: Lovelace..."But, alas, I am a man of mere heart and bone, wont to turn my head at a passing beauty or linger over the trivialities of tea and toe polish." Jack, so quickly you forget your soul. Does not your soul hold the strength of your character? Is it not your soul that was formed by your mind? So wonderful to ache from the torment of passion. You are so rare to truly know the fire that flows within. But, alas a man of mind and soul!
Re: Lolita...Perhaps those that find Lolita disturbing refuse to accept that all human beings are born sexual beings. Lolita was not a victim. She embraced her power, though perhaps without realizing its scope. There was nothing haphazard with any characters' actions. Humbert was enslaved by his own urges while Lolita was freed by hers . It is an interesting story. T
I wish I could say there is a better excuse for writing this other than, "Oh wow, gee, I think yer t'rffic, really I do," but sadly that's all there is. I really look forward to reading your excerpts, and the very witty introductions you present them with. I have been reading Nerve on and off when I get the chance for ages now, and I continue to be amazed and impressed by it. (Of course, I went to Brown too, '94, so I'm a bit biased, I think all Brunonian Media Projects are stellar.) HS 9/27 Re: Lewinsky...Was the Prez committing an error? Did he treat her like an appliance? >From the testimony I had the impression that he knew what he was doing all along, that he was indulging in the naughty sex to end all naughty sex. If my girlfriend and I get caught doing it in a phone booth, the consequence is only a momentary embarrassment, maybe a slap on the wrist from a magistrate. Big deal. Bill knew that the consequence of getting caught might be an international crisis, and if that isn't enough to give you an iron-hard erection, I don't know what is. Transgression is hot
Re: Cummings...Good God, man, you couldn't be more on the mark about good ol' e.e. cummings. The poem your article contains is one of my big-time sexy literary faves. Just reading (or re-reading) his sexually charged works gives me that familiar, electric tingle. I, too, have been seduced by judicious quoting of his poetry. Another piece that I adore which captures perfectly the heart-fluttering passion of a new lover..."i like my body when it is with your body"..."and possibly i like the thrill of under me you quite so new"...Oh YEAH. Nothing beats that thrill. I enjoy your work and Nerve in general. It's nice to have sex flavored with some actual thought.
Thank you for all this wonderful redeeming social value
I have not yet seen the new film adaptation of Lolita. But I am anxious to see it, despite a long-held conviction that no visual representation could match the wordy thrill of Nabokov's prose. I would encourage you, however, to take the time to explore a third medium. Jeremy Irons has recorded an unabridged (12 hrs.) reading of the novel (Random House AudioBooks) that is astounding. I now think that although this masterpiece may be "a consummately bookish book," it can only be fully appreciated when read, most skillfully, aloud.
Re: Davis...Hello again, Jack. Just read this week's installment of your "Naughty Bits." Whew! It's amazing to read something like that -- I'd never heard of her or that piece -- and yes, it's like one long unbroken poem of desire. And here I thought I was the only woman that ever felt that way. Of course, I know I'm not but...sometimes I wonder. That's the best part of it -- finding that kindred voice, someone who can put into words your own feelings in such an eloquent manner, and you can look at it and think, yeah, that is IT. See, I'm still reading.
Re: Holly Hughes...It takes cahounas to dismiss the minellian torture rack of theatre with a pinch of a nose; I like your style! What Holden Caulfield said about the cinema goes double for the theatre; they're all a bunch of phonies. Their shit is so deep even a boot the size of Italy would get stuck. No human has or should ever act like those stinky vaudvillian schlepmongers. Reading your stuff (this collection is so eclectic, its psychedelic) I said to myself, this guy's wicked clairvoyance is no flash in the pan, he's got scope, he does it well in every position, from gritty on top style criticism to the ethereal homage, a literary John Holmes with some very subtle boudoir metaphysics, as well as a long reach in amourous matters. How about some Bukowski, the bard of the sagging scrotum and his pubic hairs in shlitz-stained shag is always a nice counterpoint to the Neruda-esque clay worship camp (double-entendre).
Re: Lawrence Durrell...Oh sweet memories of youth coming back and a final inspiration to read Durell again, now as an elderly man of 50, 30 years later, thanks Jack. Greetings from rainy Zurich
Re: Lydia Davis...Wonderful, every image choice and riveting. Afterwards, couldn't help but wonder where the figs were. Maybe it got me at the right age, but figs almost always leave me in "this condition" ever since I read DHL's "Women in Love". And did you ever read the scene with Miriam feeding the chickens in "Sons & Lovers"? Amazing how they let us deconstruct that stuff in high school in the UK. Keep up the good work: Nerve is just it.
Re: Nin...fabulous. Can you put more of her on your page? I loved the excerpt today from "Elena." I thought I would have to leave the room for a moment!
Re: Durrell...Woah baby, gotta get that book, it sounds hot. I like your style
I was pleasantly surprised to see a slip of Lawrence Durrell's Justine on your site -- all the more so because these books partly molded my sexuality during my tormented adolescence. I remember whiling away hours in a torrid New England August, drinking in reassurance for my own hopeless crush on another girl from Durrell's glamorous, heart-foolish, insecure characters. In Durrell's view, the homosexual/bisexual characters' love intrigues had as much plot relevance and almost as much silky detail as the hets, and this made a vast impression on me as an unhappy queer teenager. Rereading the quartet eleven years later, I'm not as impressed as I was at sixteen -- the characters' self-absorption is blurred with over-literary pretension, and the shallowness of the novels' feature lesbian affair shows how starved I was for any reassurance. But the text still has the gentle impact of a heavy silk scarf tossed against the flesh. And one of the characters, the crossdressing pedophiliac Scobie, stands out as a chance for Durrell to twine his bittersweet wit into the text.
Great homage to Anais Nin. I have been a fan of her for years and continue to read and re-read her stories. One of my greatest wishes is for a trove of unpublished Nin erotica be found so my desire to read for more of her stories be satiated. Hopefully, Nerve fiction can unearth new erotica talent to fill the void.
Re: Plato...I'm just floored. Everything you said in your article is, well, true. (LOL) Way to go. I'm obsessed with classical Athens in general, and Socrates and Alcibiades in general. It was really very lovely to read about them even in this context. I've found most of the websites that contain references are unbearably snotty and use the ten and twelve syllable words that really only show you how good their thesaurus is. At any rate, you should have mentioned that not only was Socrates legendarily ugly, but Alcibiades was one of the most beautiful boys of his time. With his lisp, and his womanish dress, and his curly hair, and he gave up luxury to spend time with Socrates and pant after him (most of this is in Plutarch Nine Greek Lives if you don't believe me). Err, ok, I'll shut up. Just wanted to say thanks and I enjoyed it immensely.
yes!
I found it deeply moving.
Love me the way you love her.
It was pretty, like my mom.
TURD.
I loved this series of poems. The writing is so simple and direct, yet conveys absolutely everything. The repetition of adjectives seem riduculous, when comparing all other writing to this.
Joe, everyday in class I left with a smile dripping from my face, these letters are no different. Thank you fro the great pecies of work.
Are there any more letters to Wendy on this site? Or just the sampling? And where can I find the rest of them?
Are they published somewhere?
yeah.....I hope there's more! This sicko's pretty funny.
I'm sure that Joe is really Jack Handy's attic-bound brother.
And that's OK, because, dammit, people like Jack.
No Sir, I'm not at all happy about this situation. In fact, I think it is outright apalling how someone can defile a place of such pristine innocence. A happy, fun place of little, red-headed girls and square burgers, and all you can talk about is your penis and other genital-related topics. My God man, are you fixated? You are definitely having some sort of difficulty with your behavior here. Alos, Sir, you are not funny at all.
Very demented! I love them!
God.... Leave it to you guys to choose the most pretentious irritating excerpts possible from what is (in its entirety) a really entertaining, engaging, and worthwhile book. Whoever selected these quotations needs to get over his whiny poststructuralist self. "Letters to Wendy's" is a hilarious book, and doesn't deserve to be made into fodder for some would-be academic's smug postmodernity. Have some fun with it.
I Think It Is Reminiscent of Faulkner or Dickinson
Wait Wait...that was just those mushrooms I was eating.
Just another escapist artist...
an uneducated bowler
I wanna be in Wendys' special place!.... not just on the floor as I am.... with a frosty. Very Funny!
I think you're a genious. Why not try to tackle something a little more thought provoking. Why not try Burger King?
He's right.
Your writing is simple great, Especially for beginners!
Salut, Dear Man!
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ha-ha-ha-ha! That is standart point of view, be more original!
Was looking this morning for thoughts on God’s use of ordinary people. I appreciated yours.
Now you say something