It is amazing, that even if one is not plagued with being "ugly", that if one is made to feel ugly by a father, a classmate, a unfeeling college boy, the scars run as deep. Without any physical blemishes, without any physical confirmation of one's ugliness, the internal world of feeling "ugly" translates into unloveability. It is indeed a pitiable situation that runs deep into the psyche of the fragile female. It rocks the soul and scars the being. The only true healing comes from within. Peace to all sisters who have to overcome their own notions of ugliness, whatever form it may take.
--JM
04/10 |
I read a little snip from an essay written about her in a magazine recently. Just wanted to go back and revisit. She really was beautiful, you know.
--ab
03/31 |
loved your story, made me think. I am disabled, and it is so easy to mis-equate being lovable with being loved, thanks
--TR
02/09 |
This article touched me for too many reasons to explain, but here are two.
First: I relate to her deeply because I have followed a similar pattern she did. I did not have an unfortunate disease to make me doubt myself. I was always told that I could be beautiful if I lost weight or you have a nice complextion. We all know what the hell that means. I judged myself by these words instead of looking in the mirror and accepting what I saw. I just wished my skin was lighter, my body was thinner, and my hair was straighter. I was told to deny all the things that made me black and beautiful, but not by white strangers, by my own family and race. So, I reverted into myself. I fought back my demons by being smarter and holier than everyone else. This only made people dislike me which I took as not thinking I was attractive enough for them. Now at 23 I have yet to even have a boyfriend. It took leaving home, starving myself, and self impoverishment b/4 I realized that all I was told and had believed was absoulute bullshit.
Second: Because she left this world to early. Maybe it was her time to finally go somewhere she could see her true beauty.
--S:W
02/09 |
I was married to and betrayed by someone with Ms. Grealy's habits but not her appearance. I feel sad that Ms. Grealy seems to have not found the love for which she was looking. I feel sad for my ex-wife who left beside my best efforts to love her and make a nurturing family with her in which she could heal. And I am sad for my two small children, beautiful and happy children, who will feel the sadness of parental betrayal and not know how to grieve.
--dgr
02/07 |
Thank you for responding to some earlier feedback I and probably others gave suggesting that you make a special place to acknowledge her death and what she gave to life, especially her writing and deep struggle with her body and thus sexuality.
--LP
01/30 |
It's almost embarrassing to admit how much being ugly affects nearly every part of my life. Reading Lucy Grealy's "Autobiography of a Face" several years ago was both excruciating and liberating. Excruciating because Lucy's pain hit so close to home for me, and liberating because I was so happy to finally read such a perfect description of life inside an "ugly" woman's mind. In the book, she describes how a couple of men once followed behind her while walking down the street. They were whistling and making catcalls until she turned around to look at them. While I was reading this, I knew exactly what was coming up, having experienced the exact same thing. The look on someone's face when you suddenly change from sexy to ugly in their minds is absolutely unforgettable.
--e.a.
01/30 |
Lucy Grealy was one of my heroes. From all of us who are NOT Fair of Face, Rest in Peace, Beautiful Girl.
--MJM
01/22 |
---I have been following Lucy Grealy's story over the years, so I was sad to read that she had died. When I read that she was "dispondant over the results of plastic surgeries" I almost cried.
---I also bear the scars of being "too ugly for anyone to want", and also have had plastic surgery myself, to get some relief from that torment. Like Lucy, I found that the inner scars were the real barrier.
---When I was 20 I would have loved to meet a man like Jude, to teach me to be a sexual wizard. But I was luckier than Lucy - I never met a good teacher, and eventually gave up on my ambition to be "great in bed." I just didn't seem to have a knack. Now I am greatful for that, especially after reading Lucy's story. By accepting myself as a sexual mediocrity, I saved myself from the internal divisions that trapped Lucy.
--RL
01/16 |
This is, indeed, a bare and beautiful piece of writing...but I was struck again with emotion when I read some of the feedback above from those who seem not to realize Ms. Grealy is dead...there will be no more insights. We'll have to make our own.
--ks
01/16 |
We mourn the loss of a wonderful and courageous author. So Long For Now and Thanks, Ms. Grealy.
--MA
01/13 |
this is the most powerful thing ive ever read. im sitting here sobbing. not only for the profound honesty of the writer, bless her, and how i can absolutely relate to every single statement, also for the last line. as a conduit of musical vibration myself, im struck by the purity of his statement. thank you, ms. grealy, you live on.
--bk1
01/13 |
Finally, someone explains in words what has been going on in my mind since I lost my virginity 15 years ago and have lived to hold that 'power' over men...temporarily. This essay is a step in the right direction for me to heal. Thank you.
--SG
01/13 |
I am so impressed at how she can see her own motivations and reactions so clearly. And it is brave for her to admit to something we women are never to confess to--seeing herself as ugly. instead, we are taught to spend time and money in transforming ourselves into beautiful beings. i love her honesty, with herself and her readers.
--af
02/19 |
Praise be!! Sexual dysfunction really makes my sex life interesting
--etr
10/12 |
That was one terrific piece of writing. I truly admire - and am actually in awe of - the way you can first even get such an original insight into your experience, and then articulate it. I am a photographer and journalist by trade, but I also spend a good deal of time writing (for my eyes only) about my experiences with other people in an effort to elucidate my emotions even to myself. I feel like I can record, but seldom do I feel as if I've penetrated, the interior meaning of anything. You do both, more. I'm gonna go buy your book tomorrow. You got a new fan. Thanks.
--JS
02/09 |
By showing what love is not, "Autobiography of a Body" brought me closer to an understanding of what love really is. Thanks.
--GH
01/26 |
Very smooth, coherent reading. Believable. Waiting for a sequel. One that would introduce the reader to more than Jude. What were these men like, what did she learn from them, how did each one bring her 6" closer to finding the man who would love her?
--HF
11/24 |
I found Lucy Grealy quite brave in her article "Autobiography of a Body." It touched on many a nerve and I saw several parallels in my own history. Please pass along my regards to her not only for her literary skills, but the courage to put her feelings into print.
--KT
11/06 |
Wow. Grealy has written my life down without ever having met me. She is a fantastic writer; her story is sad, yet fascinating. More from her, please . . . I was strangely moved by her story, yet I don't quite understand how. I do believe I'll read her piece again and again.
--MD
10/06 |
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