this was really interesting. though i never developed a habit, i was always fascinated by my sexual prowess when i did use. because i refused to hang out with people i'd cop from (i figured this was the best way to avoid slipping into the abyss), i never really figured out why my mind and body worked in this particular sexual manner when i was high.
i like the sal mineo reference.
--tk
11/13 |
I am so glad I didn't read this essay and it's feed back until today. This is the definition of art. No matter what any of you thought about it it most definately made you think. Many of you personalized it, others observed it and commented on it and others commiserated with it. Not too many writers can get that much out of a couple of pages of text. that is why I love jerry stahl, he doesn't fucking apologize and he defiantely doesn't glorify (unless you have a very twisted sense of glory) He tells it as it was, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Is it so surprising in our over stimulated, over worked, under loved, and socially fucked up world that one would wax nostalgic to some degree to a time and place where you did not take responsiblity for your actions? where time and space were simply a back drop to one central theme...one which while horrible was simple in its intention...get high. I think sometimes that in searching for the "point" of this article as one man called it he completely missed it. The point is it's pointlessness. The contradiction of total vibrantly real reccollection of total worthlesness. Having so much to express about moments when he felt virtually nothing except for "the brain splattering ectasy of a serious dope rush" conveys the torment that is Heroin....
--ldb
11/09 |
Okay great! We like to know about all the ex-abusers on this site. Wonderful. I'm happy for you in your struggle to kick whatever was kicking you.
But addiction, aside from having the obvious symptoms, is also a very personal thing. This article is one man's document attesting to his. He deserves credit for writing this and exposing himself to the mad hordes of critics that have posted here. Nothing written is irresponsible. The action of taking the time to sit down and write is very responsible.
Let's stop talking about the responsibilities of those who have a talent for expression. This backs writers and artists into corners. At least someone has written this down, no matter how mechanical and dehumanizing it may be, it needed to be said.
Many have had our own addictions and its sad that yes, we've lost out on parts of life, at times have wasted long periods of time in a fucked up corner of the world. This is testamony of what we were doing during that lost time.
--RD
10/31 |
JS, you've got it wrong.
Viagra is the next heroin. Spiked in the pants, 20-somethings are getting off and getting dead, all for the perfect fuck...ex post ejaculare
--JR
10/31 |
This is better than trainspotting. Granted, i stand outside the world of heroin addiction, but have had other addictions and regarding the libido, the experience is near-similar.
A true Heroin Documentary from the dark side. Superb.
--RD
10/31 |
wow. Hello for a rich fantasy life that stretched far beyond the limits of where no one wants to go to...
this guy not only has the typical fantasies of a man who can deliver (for hours, no less), endless libido and, luckily for all of us, a convenient drug habit that he's borrowed from all sorts of out-there movies (think: Drugstore Cowboy and work your way on down folks) to boot. Why don't you think of writing something you know something about, stud?
--cmp
10/25 |
Jerry, many times I have found pain and many times have they related to sex. I don't have a problem with sex I have a problem with compairingthe sex I had on drugs to the sex that exist with a clear mind. It is sad that I felt so much for someone when I used and now a loneliness is what i find. Whatever,other parts of life are so much more wonderful than when I used. Thank you for your story and look forward to more
--SES
10/02 |
oh yeah- this is to the two AA members who felt they needed to take this opportunity to mention that junkies should stay in NA & leave their precious alcoholic club alone. Why are you bringing this up? I don't recall seeing anything about AA in the story? That's the problem with you AA people, now you can't seem to process any information without responding with AA jargon. I guess it's better than being an alcoholic still suffering, but chill, man.
--ZZ
10/02 |
I can't believe how riled up all these people are getting about your story, and the main reason, from what I've learned since I've been a heroin addict myself, is that people who haven't tried junk get really frustrated because they know they're missing out on a truly unbelievably good experience, but they don't want to live through all the shit and pain and horrible consequences that comes along with heroin addiction. And that is their right decision, but maybe it wasn't mine or the writer's path to follow, so why shouldn't he or I have their say and write about the experience? Let me just say, anyone who has lived through degrading themselves for money, puking and shivering through cold turkey, lying to their mother, etc, all for the need to score, has pretty much gotten over thinking they are like a cool rock star because they do heroin. This is not a man glorifying his past, nor is it irresponsible, it's just describing a very human experience. If you can't relate to any part of it at all, move onto the next story.
--emt
10/02 |
What is the relation of heroin and sex? How many hypes - junkies, have any normal, healthy sex life? Other than nicotine and alcohol, is there any drug harder to kick than H? The list of junkies among musicians is long and sad. Chet Baker, Bird Parker, et al ad nauseum. Ive heard young adults in coffee bars talk casually about someone they know on H and they do not see any big deal about it. They havent heard of David Kennedy, dead in Miami in 84, the son of Robert? How about Big Daddy Lipscomb, a huge NFL lineman, at 6-8 and over 290 lbs dead with a $12 dollar bag of heroin. And we in AA meetings are supposed to identify with these hypes? We can if they have a genuine alcoholic history, but if not, they belong in NA, not AA meetings.
--PKT
09/25 |
Flippin excellent read. Well written and educational also.
Nice 1 mate
--LC
09/16 |
Wow. I know now even more why I never do those kinds of drugs. How...
how...
how...SAD. How much you've missed. How much you'll never know. But I suppose there is a place for all of us. I really appreciate your story. (Does the author actually READ this?) You're a beautiful soul in your expression and honesty.
I would fuck you for thirty real seconds as opposed to seven hours of bullshit any day.
--TC
09/15 |
The notion that a person could find glamour, or anything, attractive in this article, is almost as disturbing and dark as the article itself. Speed was my poison, so I've been there, done that, just without the needles (oh, you can come on speed, again, and again) and it was still ugly enough to quit with out NA. This was well writen, grim eloquence, on the dark shadows in a persons life, and I'll bet you he dosen't give a shit what we think about it.
--
09/14 |
"brain-splattering ecstacy of a serious dope rush" whooee.
does this mean that those who argue(e.g. stanton peele in The Meaning of Addiction) that intoxication is learned response to opiates are very very wrong? please oh sex-crazed (ex?)junkies --or dope addled fuckbunnys -- enlighten me.
--jsg
09/10 |
Stahl is just another in a long line of upper-middle class geek college boys who mess around with dope so they can write psuedo-hip, Runyonesque travelogues from the dark side for the next fifty years. These days, the only transgression left us is actual talent. Some folks have it. The rest need a gimmick.
--BB
09/08 |
Geez, thanks for the input about heroin. Its great to hear damned hypes with no genuine alcohol history clutter up AA meetings ("Joe, addict-alcoholic') with their bs and yakking about getting"clean". Go to NA where hypes belong and leave drunks like me alone in meetings. Narcotics Anonymous was founded nearly 50 years ago--its not all the same substance--my first meeting was NA and the leader told me to leave and find an AA meeting after he asked me if I had a drug abuse history. I did not, so I was gone.
--VDR
09/07 |
What I'm wondering is, while Jerry's getting it in marathon addict sex sessions with his shooting buddy, what sort of shape is she in when they eventually stop. I mean, I don't see heroin users stopping for lube, y'know?
--MEB
09/05 |
PJB, everyone's friend, kinda hard for a 42 nobody who apparently didn't know Stahl is kind of a spokesperson for the whole heroin addiction "recovery" crowd; and has been doing it for a long time prior to this essay. If you want friend's lost and hitting bottom, read Permament Midnight. Otherwise, stick with whatever Officer Friendly told you in high school health for precocious readers about drugs. This is a sexual culture site, obviously Jerry was asked to write on sex and addiction.
Think of it this way, if addiction means permament limpdick, how do all those hustling male prostitutes working to feed their habit stay in business? Not every John's looking for a bottom.
--MEB
09/05 |
A bigger pile of horseshit I've never read in my life (and I'm 42, reading since I was 3 years old). I know something of drug addiction my friend, and you couldn't get your dick hard for seven seconds, let alone seven hours. My only regret is that you didn't overdose on one of your trips. Why don't you explain to your audience about the friends you've lost to drugs, instead of rationalizing your experience? It might not do much good, but at least it would be honest.
--PJB
09/05 |
although i am not a 300 pound women, i might as well be Louise, and you might as well be my last love/fuck/addiction. As much as i sometimes try to deny that i was (maybe still am) in love with someone who loves smack more than me, it was almost refreshing to know that at least i'm not the only one. a great piece of work. thanks for putting it out on the table.
--ds
09/04 |
The professional ex-junky schtick is tired tired tired, Jerry.
I expect more from the genius behind Alf.
--dr
09/03 |
Excellent article.
I don't get those of you that thought it glorified drugs - I thought just the opposite.
And Heather? Relax, babe.
--XXX
09/03 |
Hey Jerry,
I love your work and I wish you had more stuff on the internet. Feel free to throw some of your raw talent our way.... Cherry Bleeds - www.cherrybleeds.com
--td
10/04 |
I know nothing about drugs, sex, or heroin, you've taught me well.
--LRK
09/09 |
euphemism. Heather
--qqq
09/30 |
Mike, My usage of the word God was meant as a euphimism.. I'm sorry to say that sex never entered my mind when refering to your holes. I 'm the one with the hole. I apologize for sounding so harsh, sort of, I just got a little riled up after reading all those letters that were blaming J.S. for future heroin addicts. We are all ultimately responsible for our own actions, which is why, thank goodness, you are still with us. I'm glad you made it out and you have no one to thank in the end but yourself. Your concept of cool was probably skewed from the start or else you wouldn't have tried it. Plenty of people think drug abuse is disgusting. Its a matter of taste. I have had my experiences and to this day am still enamored with certain aspects. That doesn't mean I intend to go back to that time of my life. It's just whats in me. No one put it there! It's some psychological garbage that came into play a long time ago. I'm actually the nicest person in the world! Did I mention That I really didn't care for this particular story? It certainly didn't glamorize doing heroin to me. Maybe if you like having women come at you but not being able to come to any finality. Some of his other stuff is great reading, if you can get past the placing the blame. Heather
--qqq
09/30 |
Heather, do I make you horny, baby? This talk about sticking stuff in holes is a bit off topic, sweetie. Your contention that Stahl's ode to sex on dope won't turn anyone on that wasn't already so inclined can't be proved, obviously, and I disagree with your declaration. God, I believe, had very little to do with me trying heroin. Maybe I was pre-inclined from Day 1, I don't know, but cultural icons and media presentations about heroin led me in that direction, and helped me over the fence. BTW, I erred in predicting J.S.'s imminent sequel of usage. That was too harsh, borne of a heated moment reacting to a document that strikes me as being irresponsible. I was probably trying to lure the author, were he lurking, into writing a reply. Thanks for the feedback, Mike
--MJW
09/30 |
I would hope that everyone in the world would be able to look back on a particularly gruesome or stupid part of their lives and be able to glean a little pleasantness or even humor out of it. I don't think in doing so that we should be accused of the ruin of even one soul. He's not going to turn anyone onto heroin that was not so inclined anyway. He's a writer not God. AND Mr. MJW unless you're a close personal friend of Jerry Stahl's, you can take your nasty little predictions and shove them up whichever hole you want. Love, Heather
--qqq
09/29 |
"Brain splattering ecstasy of a serious dope rush..." to me that's glamorizing the dope experience. I don't mean to exclude anyone who hasn't been in the Idiots Club of heroin users (they don't call it "dope" for nothing), but unless you've been there and done the gig, then you don't know the vile, insidious seductiveness of this stuff. I'm away from the stuff for going on five years, and I still feel the occasional pang. Remember, this stuff fucked up all facets of my life, and let's not forget the havoc and emotional toll it took on my family. Dope is an evil thing, and 99% of those who get sucked in will get chewed up and spit out. For Jerry Stahl to compare the dope rush to an orgasm, which we can all agree is a wonderful thing, is certain to create appeal to one or two sheep. The easily led will also note that Jerry promises that girls like guys with glazed eyes. Jerry Stahl did some fine work on "Alf"--he should head back to that realm instead of flogging this horse anymore.
--MJW
09/23 |
I'm a bit disturbed at the number of people who felt that the article was glamorous or appealing in any way. I think it's powerful, and honest, and rather frightening despite its humor. Dark Humor, ladies and gentlemen. I can't imagine anyone saying "Ooh, I really want to go have sex for seven hours and not feel a thing and feel unhappy about it afterwards, that sounds GREAT." What pisses me off most about the so-called War against drugs is that people seem to feel that you're only allowed to write that drugs are terrible. No one likes it when you tell the truth-- drugs are what they are. Some people use them, some people don't. They're dangerous and addictive, but so is driving and reading. You won't catch me giving up my car!
--SRR
09/23 |
You are awesome. Thanks for the trip...
--tcp
09/22 |
I thought the article was intense and the wording incredible... I don't see how it glamorized heroin at all as I read from another feedback posting... The writing is poignant and harsh, just like the experience must have been...
--bkb
09/22 |
do we really need jerry stahl glorifying his heroin days again? wasn't permanent midnight punishment enough? drugs are digusting and to pretend different is to lie to yourself. heroin ruined many people's lives and stole countless others.
--bb
09/22 |
thank you; i don't know where else i could have read such clever, well crafted, dark humour. it's a side of life i hope to never experience, except through great writing, such as yours. sincerly, r a
--r a
09/18 |
as a recovering cocaine addict female, i totally fucking relate. cocaine is more of a mentally stimulating drug (as oppossed to heroin which is mostly physical) so it was like my mind was taking advantage of my body's inadequacy and was so much more dominant than my body. my body, in some ways, went numb. i could go for hours and hours -- never peaking, never achieving orgasm but my body would be all ripe, wet and ready to cum. the problem was (well, one of many) is that i was always fucking some gruesome motherfucker just so i could keep getting high...sad.
--kiss
09/17 |
Gerry, here's an evil prediction. You are not done with the heroin. You are obviously still in love with It, or the nostalgic glimmers you wallow in when it worked for you. Great for you. But you have tempted a whole lot of unknowing fools who aren't going to attract busloads of hotties while high, who are going to be too tempted when they chew on, "Orgasm doesn't measure up to heroin." I read a similar review six years ago, and started a sad, quick decline into addiction. You're glamourizing the heroin scene, Gerry, listing neat sounding synonyms ("Schmeck?!") and describing the "brain splattering ecstasy of a dope rush." How about the heart breaking loneliness as friends and family drift away from the dope addict, the inevitable slide into unsavory means to sponsor your addiction after the boss fires your ass for your dope-slck attitude? Hey, I used to read High Times magazine and mock the preachy "squares" who advocated sobriety--but the joke was on me. I am not smirking today. This ain't about sex, Gerry, this is about a monumentally poor decision on your part to make the heroin seem "sexy" and 95% of the time, it ain't that. Readers, especially young and impressionable one's, ignore Gerry Stahl's misguided misty eyed waltz with the "good old days;" resist temptation, because the odds are pretty good that heroin's ill effects will outweigh moments of relief the opiate provides. Shame on you, Gerry Stahl.
--MJW
09/17 |
I loved this, am so glad you wrote it, am tired of looking at the bright side of sex all the time. I'm glad somebody wrote something that could make me look back on my old junkie lover and understand something about him, and laugh because of that understanding. your bare-light-bulb style, your fast pace and your slang, I really loved it, thank you for writing this.
--sg
09/14 |
Reading it I had visions of detoxing and puking in my upper west side subbasement apartment where I would try to spank my monkey hoping it would make me stop wanting to die. I once more or less was asleep/high for about 3 hours with my cock up a strippers ass- It was kinda double blissful - I was in my own velvet room and mr. puffy had his own little (or not so little) cabinet for himself as well. I'll stop scratching myself now and get back to work. Thanks again, Jer.
--DOA
09/08 |
I loved this essay and the excerpt from Perv. I will definitely buy the new book when it comes out. Thank you, Nicole
--NS
09/07 |
read permanent midnight, its really good.
--#1
09/03 |
Mr. Jerry Stahl, the article "horseplay" was incredibly written. don't get me wrong, i'm no critic, just your average person, but it was incredibly descriptive and your use of wordage kept me bug-eyed through the whole experience. i am thuroughly impressed. it seemed like it was an experience only an addiction to heroin could provide. again, thanks for the great article. anthony
--arb
09/02 |
Jerry Stahl is a great writer, I love to read whatever he writes!! The honesty is one thing, but the way he can make any situation he has been in flow and entice and imagine and live!!!! is amazing. I am a recovering coke addict. But thats not the point- he hasn't lost the talent in recovery- he's taken it to new heights... thanks Mr. Stahl...write more- go even deeper if you can handle it... We will never again be addicts, but we WILL LIVE!!! thanks to people like you...... eric dayjobking@earthlink.net
--EK
09/02 |
What that guy below said. ( I had to read it twice and very slowly but its right on the mark.)
--mk
09/01 |
Jerry Stahl has the innate ability to braid several entirely wretched details into something epiphanistic. It's a true pleasure to read.
--JMG
09/01 |
having followed all the Jerry Stahl links I found I end up here, which is surely a site that will get me more mail from the porno businesses. But I had to come and read. This is what I know about this guy so far ( besides the fact that he's funny, straightforward and uninhibited in writing.) Unibrow, facial moles, not many teeth, friend of some famous people, namely Ben Stiller, some sort of testicular problem,a really bad liver, eater of liver, and a former dead thumb for a penis. Sounds interesting! May we have some more?
--atl.
08/31 |
I read it, it made me queasy and then I settled into it. Sort of like tonight when my 12 year old son burst out the front door singing "I just want to masturbate". (sung to I just want to celebrate) Initially I cringed and looked around for the neighbors and then I felt a warm feeling flow through me. Thats my boy!
--hh
08/31 |
While I was in the shower washing off that last little stahl-bit I began to realize that this sweet memory came from one of those points where there was nowhere to go but up. We were all stupid once. It must feel kind of cringy to write about it. Maybe you get used to it. Maybe you just don't give a shit. It definitely takes guts to tell the women of the world about his penile scar tissue.
--aaa
08/31 |
Well, the self respecting junkie that would waste time screwing was probably not hooked yet or hooked again. I've sat for hours, nodding and watching a parade of naked nymphs (at a "freak party" the MAN threw for himself) and had zero interest in anything but more junk. In the early days of getting loaded, I could stay "on go" forever, but once the habit was established....well, something else was calling the tune and it wasn't libido. It was NEED.
--MWG
08/31 |
Cool stuff.
--ms
08/30 |
Reminds you of Richard Hell, no?
--Alex
08/30 |
I don't quite understand why poeple are so intolerant of this story. Here is someone telling the truth about his experience. Maybe they should try reading it without judging the writer. As for someone coming away from the story with a desire to try herion, there are a lot more factors than what you read involved in getting caught up in a serious drug like heroin.
--rjk
08/29 |
As an ex drinker and drug taker I feel this article was definatley irresponsible. To bad any readers who are either doing heroin or would like to try it will not realiize how completely devestating it is until after it is too late. Sex is great. A wonderful gift that when practiced between two consenting adults in any way thay prefer is fine. I don't need to read about how using life threatening drugs effect sex. Anyway, in the vain of natural born killers and pulp fiction, "who cares" its exciting so lets print it (film it).
--Jk
08/28 |
OK. This article made me go "EEW" and obviously effected me in some way, which doesn't happen that much in mainstream media and it certainly didn't make me want to try heroin. But it did kind of make me feel like I know more about how it feels without having to actually do it.. overall, I found it interesting and gross. No way would I fuck this guy. That's way more irresponsible and stupid than writing about it.
--TJM
08/27 |
What I meant about the lovers thing is: you can choose responsible lovers if that's your taste and age, etc., but you don't want to deny someone else a shot at an irresponsible fling, do you? Same with literature.
--lcc
08/26 |
Why does the author always have to have the insights? Isn't the reader supposed to get the info and then form his own insights once in a while? This is not a Russian novel, it's some unusual information given with concise, accurate, poetic language and focus on the subject (sex on heroin) and surrounding relationships, not about the author and his endless feelings and insights, thank god. I never did heroin (because I'd seen people drool), and now I feel like I know pretty well something I never engaged in and never will. Now that's art, if you ask me. And if this short piece DID convince someone to rush into a new activity, even something as destructive and boring-looking as heroin use, that's even MORE art, I think! Writing is not SUPPOSED to be responsible, any more than lovers are. It's just supposed to show you what you never saw before, or re-see what you saw a million times before, in a different way. This little essay did both! xo Lisa
--lcc
08/26 |
shabby
--mv
08/26 |
I thought this was wonderful and beautifully written. To call the piece irresponsible is ludicrous. THere is no glamorization in his description. The lack of connection between the narrator and Swirl is beautiful and heartbreaking.
--dp
08/26 |
this has to be the most pointless article ever Nerve ever published. What, did the author rent Trainspotting and think far out man, I'll write my own version for the net! loser
--gt
08/26 |
Feel free to call me a right winged prude (even thought I'm a left wing sex fiend. But I found your article to be grossly irresponsible. You feel very free to provide all of this explicit detail about your intimate personal experiences of fucking women you weren't sexually attracted to, just to get dope money; and all the details about how pathetic one feels when going through withdrawal, and yet I was left feeling quite dry. Where is the insight? How do you really feel about those days (unless they are not yet truly gone, which would prevent such an objective examination)? What was gained for you by being a dope fiend who would turn tricks? I guess the main question I was left with after reading your article was, Why did you write it? Who were you speaking to and/or hoping to reach? If I had to guess, I'd say it was written just so that all the heroin addicts could say "Yeah, man..." and so that all the would be heroin addicts of the world could say "Cool, man...". Which brings me back to my first point: irresponsible. I wonder how many fools out there are going to shoot up now, thinking that heroin is the next Viagra. Gee, thanks.
--JS
08/26 |
yea, I'd fuck this guy
--rt
08/25 |
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