What a beautiful article on your thoughts. I truly appreciated your capacity in sharing such a personal head space with the general public. Have you written anything else? books? other articles?
--N.W.
12/31 |
I think this article was beautiful.
I am the nurse of a quadriplegic , and have found myself falling in love with him .
I think reading this article will help me relate to him further...thank you for writing it.
--jc
08/25 |
Just a brief note to Andrew here:
The lyricism of your writing style nearly knocked me as flat as your content -- Yes, I have been one of those "verticals" who has feigned indifference at those not like me and have boxed them in via the narrow stereotypes you so ably expose. Reading your article made me think twice about that --- and made me see "quads" and other "disabled persons" as intensely sexual and desirable, sensuous and sexy human beings. I can only say "thanks" to you for giving me this very human, very wonderful gift of other people's sexuality.
--PC
08/15 |
You inspire me to work on a tribute to my ex-husband and love of my life. He was a paraplegic. I neither fell in love with him or divorceed him over this issue. He was an excelent lover and deffinately THE BEST I ever had. It is a shame that so many missed the man by seeing "the chair". You don't know how good it is until you try it.
--TJP
06/30 |
I understand how you've been feeling.
You are just a man and nothing can change it.
Just don't give up. Some girl will see you as a man.
You're not the wheelchair and the wheelchair isn't you
--n
04/01 |
wow, you just made me sit back in my chair and really think. i consider myself a compassionate person and always trying to think how others are feeling. my husband is a disabled man with bad back injuries and major nerve damage among other problems he has. always trying to look at ways to relate to him better, or connect with him. you touched on so many things, i was just overwhelmed by your letter. you are so right on the way people act with people that are disabled or different in any matter, than what they are used to. there are so many sterotypes, and i wish there weren't, we all no matter what is wrong with us have something to give. i know i am just rambling, my mind has so many thoughts right now i just don't know where to start. but i just wanted to let you know i read your letter and it has me thinking. wish i could write more and express what i am really feeling but hard to find the words right now. take care :)
--lc
01/28 |
Hi, I enjoyed your article as I am always interested in hearing about crippled sex. I am a woman with a spinal injury and have often feel that I am not viewed as a sexual being. I am bisexual and truely enjoy being with both sexs but find that women are more willing to look beyond the package, and take the risky step toward intimacy. Anyway, thanks for sharing.
ZS
--zs
01/14 |
Andrew,
This is one of the most beautiful and insightful pieces I have ever read. I applaud your candor and sincerity in sharing this part of your life. If all of society would simply accept these views this would be so much better a place to live. Thank you, so very much.
--MAL
07/08 |
What a wonderfully touching, not to mention exciting article. I have MS and work in an Independent Living Center where the people I have met have taught me that there is a sexual life. For years I thought of myself as a nonwoman. I had no sexual identity but I met a man who didn't look at me as handicapped but as a beautiful desirable woman. How hard it was for me to accept his love. I hope that one day you too are fortunate enough to meet your love. It will be worth the waiting. Don't give up! You are learning the best part of love making is not the receiving but the pleasure we are able to give.
--S.S.
02/08 |
Thank you for this article. As a recently disabled woman, I have no idea what it is like from a man's point of view. I am now able to have a little more insight into your world. I have experienced a whole new sexual awakening after my injury. Sex is better than it was before, though finding date is a little harder because of the stereotypes that are attached to wheelchair users. I find that the men that are interested in me are truely more genuine human beings and are eager to experiment and try new things. Though I have to deal every day with my own short comings and my ever changing body, I have found a greater freedom from this point of view than I would have ever known as an "able bodied" person. Thanks again for this forthright look into your life I'm glad someone else has some of the same thoughts as myself.
--H.B.
01/26 |
What a grate artical, I know just how he feels! I was paralized at 18, I went through a very difficult young adulthood, ultimately self medicating my self to the point that I thought I didnt care. It wasnt until I finally sobered up that I met someone who cares about me for who i am and we have been able to have the most intimate relationship, more than I ever thought possible. I just want to thank the author for sharing his story with all of us!
--lbt
01/19 |
Dear Uninhibited, Thank you for your beautiful article, which touched me deeply and which gives me hope and the courage to accept my redesigned body. One of the things I had always found most challenging in my life was accepting what I considered my imperfections. Hoping to perfect myself, I spent 40 years trying to attain that elusive, nefarious ideal of feminine beauty through exercise, weight-lifting, and even some minor cosmetic procedures. When I was struck by a mysterious syndrome called Transverse Myelitis two years ago on Friday, March 13, 1998 (how amazing is "coincidence"), I remember thinking as I lay in the hospital paralyzed from the mid-chest down by an attack to my spinal cord that this experience was some sort of a gift. Part of that gift is being drawn to discover people like you who have found the way to accept and embrace being different at all levels of being. Sexuality has gradually been disappearing from my life due to what I perceive as a lack of desire. What it really is is fear of rejection. Your wake-up call is part of my gift.
--MEE
01/19 |
I wish I would have learned more about what it is really like to live with a disability when I was younger. Maybe in Health and Hygeine or something, because while I try to be symapthetic and non-prejudiced toward all people who aren't just like me, I just don't much know what a disabled person goes through, and so I subscribe to stereotypes. Thanks for writing such a sensitive and eye opening article. It touched me in many ways, and has made me think.
--CH
01/05 |
I once spend 5 torrid days on Cozumel with a quad like yourself who was staying in the same little hotel. I heard him call out one night for help, went to see, found a great-looking big man lying in bed. He needed some nursing help involving a warm wet clean towel which I did without 2 shakes of my perfectly functioning legs. Then we did shots of Jose Cuervo together, laughed it all off and became intimate lovers just for the pure joy of it all. What a wonderful 5 days...and what a superb lover he was...slow, sweet, considerate, totally committed to my pleasure, more than 10 times the man other lovers have been. Women, take heed, look twice or even 3 times at that man in the wheelchair - he maybe the answer to your prayers!
--sa
12/28 |
well , what can i say! but , thank you for shareing your journey with me.I had a accident scuba diving , had a forced on sroke in a nut shell.That was 3 years ago, i,m now 39. i,m recovering real well. You make me appreciate life at this moment that i couldnt see before i read your testermony. Pray god in our next life pure goodness every moment.The eternal orgasm, what a concept.
--Dary
12/20 |
Re: UNINHIBITED I'm truly glad you've found ways to express and experience happiness both socially and personally. Humans are pack animals and, as such, need each other for more than just practical benefits. Due to misrepresenting ads that consistently sell unreality, the notion and act of people needing people for optimum health and survival is overlooked. But, people who truly desire and achieve social interaction with others develop a strong ability to cope in the world. You seem to be one of these people. Acting on our awareness of interdependence with all of life helps us to learn and grow from each other's differences. I desire to feel one's humanity simultaneously with their outer appearance. It's limiting and harmful to see outward appearances only. I felt uplifted by your story.
--xl
12/11 |
That is a beautiful piece. Very sensual and smart. Thanks for printing it.
--AH
12/09 |
steo
--s b
12/06 |
hey andrew i think it was very great of you to write about how sterotypes really hurt people. i mean i have a friend who is in a wheel chair and i used to see him around campus last semester but i would never say hi. Not that i was embarassed be his friend but because well i was afraid i might say something to offend him. Well guess what turns out i talk to him on a regualr basis and he seems to be more of a freind than anyone else and i now i treat him more a like a close friend than most of the people i work with and hang out with. i can say though that it is hard for people to in general to get comfortable with people in wheel chairs i know it was hard for me to do it. but now i am glad i did, but it is not all that easy some people who are in wheel chairs are rude to others. luckly my friend does not act like that i mean hemakes fun of me like crazy and i too make fun of him but it is all out of fun. what i am trying to say is that not everyone gives dirty or rude looks some people are just afraid that well they might say something that might hurt your feelings or they might say something that would offend you so instead of trying to talk to you "they" or "we" find it much easier to run away from the problem as we do with every other problem as human beings.
--BK
12/06 |
After reading this article I realized how much I am in need of understanding the needs of people with altered bodies. To once again realize that I must look within the body to discover the truth of an individual brings me back to what I miss when all I see is the outside. Great article. Thank you.
--dd
12/05 |
at the net ohne Kommendar
--hh
12/04 |
Thanks for a wonderful article. As through your writing you allowed me to place myself in your position it occurred to me that my biggest disability has always been my fear, or rather allowing it to control what I thought I could do; walk up to a woman and speak, for example. And your discovery that the full consideration of another's needs has awakened your own sensuality. Again, thanks.
--pso
12/03 |
That was a fine article written by a man of strength.
--j
12/03 |
I appreciated the author's honesty and frankness. One of the sexiest and most desirable men I have ever known was a quad. We dated briefly in college but he was not ready for the intimacy that was inevitable in our relationship. I was very sorry to see him withdraw from me. Maybe I should have tried harder. Ramble, ramble....Anyway, I enjoyed the article and the memories it stimulated.
--HH
12/02 |
Hi Andrew, Hope my comments get to you directly. Fine and brilliant piece on what is obviously a very personal catalogue of pain and personal misfortune. Would love to interview you further on this topic or use this piece elsewhere on behalf of the disabled community. Please contact me a.s.a.p. if we can arrange same. Kind regards, Edward White / Editor editor@it-times.com for and on behalf of the disabled association of Australia
--EW
12/02 |
muce kaj si ti
--fdsf
12/01 |
Hey folks, there's a totally relevant English movie about a romance between a wheel chair bound Helena Bonham Carter amd her hired caretaker, Kenneth Branagh. Its called The Theory of Flight. He's got a thing for old fashioned flying machines and she's got a thing for losing her virginity.
--JT
11/30 |
absolutely a beautiful piece of writing. The strongest quality is the intensity and self questioning that I incurred while reading it. Also, I can relate to the author's reverance and appreciation of a woman. I feel him in his need and understanding of a woman's presence and attention. I myself am not "disabled", the bullshit, pop culture word that it is. In a relevant sense, there are more "disabled" "normal" people than "disabled" "disabled" people. Why aren't people who are ingenuine and inconsiderate considered "disabled"? They are disconnected from the very genesis of the human spirit, which is the respect and willful understanding of others, in all there binds and differences. These are the most severe of the "disabled" criteria. They have no hope of ever becoming human, much less a person who maybe can't walk or hear. Geez, I'm blabbering. Anyway, great essay. Super Cordially, Konstantin easyfriend71@hotmail.com
--K.M
11/30 |
Enjoyed your exposition for its passion, intelligence and substance. I'm a C-7 quad who has traveled the course of sexual ignorance through nervous but willing lovers over a 34 year long disability and sexual trek. Like you, sex has become more of a full-body (including the heart and brain) experience than a bodily function. I have finally met the finest woman in my life and we have an enriching life, including the joys of a healthy and active sexual intimacy in all forms. There are a number of wonderful women in the world who, before my current (and forever) woman, now know the joys of a tender and meaningful sex life with a disabled man. Of course, I was helped along by the patience and eagerness of these woman. After all, isn't that what good sex is all about -- partnership? Thanks again.
--SPM
11/29 |
Very truthfull, everyone should read this, especially film makers!
--tg
11/26 |
I just wanted to thank you for your touching and eye-opening essay. As a person, I sincerely appreciate the candid and beautiful insight into the life and perceptions of a man who is severly handicapped. I too believe that we as a society are still in many ways ignorant in this area, and anyone who is courageous enough to come out and speak about it is to be thanked and commended. Also, as a woman, I appreciate that there is a man who understands the importance and intimacy inherent in giving a woman oral pleasure. Thank you again.
--EGN
11/25 |
Thank you for helping to open my mind and heart. I need reminders on how to treat people best. I take issue with one point, however. As a man, I happen to think to it's VERY manly to please a woman orally.
--dh
11/25 |
Toldja you could do it, Andrew. And do it well. Congratulations on gettin' it up to keep on keepin' on. -- Emmanuela :-)
--ECdL
11/24 |
Beautifully written and passionate.
--NM
11/24 |
Dude, I really enjoyed your work. I guess I really just wanted to comment on a movie that would be beneficial for you to see. The movie is called "monkey shine" and it has a great angle on the life of a quadriplegic. Just thought I would make that comment. Later dude and keep on writing!
--aef
11/24 |
What a wonderful piece of literature...if only people would open themselves up to each other and look at what is inside each of us as a whole, instead of breaking each other down in observation. Very well written...made me want to make passionate love to Andrew!!
--jk
11/23 |
A most excellent piece.
--s
11/22 |
I'm curious about your remark that performing oral sex for the lady is considered "unmanly". If memory serves me correctly, it was in a Nervemag column that I read that such activity is highly desireable in a woman's needs from her partner (and though I cannot recollect the author, it does strike me that it was female). In my own experience, my ex was embarrassed at first blush but became a disciple of cunnilingus. Bravo to your beliefs, but I'd like to hear from the ladies re their feelings on whether or not such activity as their being the recipient of oral sex is (or is not) desireable???
--TCB
11/22 |
That was an insighful look at the disablied and how socitey puts a sort of taboo on them. It made become aware of how I act towards a person with a disability and as I thought back, feelings of akwardness and disgust sprang forth. Now I truley understand, I dont think its okay but I now understand the feelings that some whites have toward us blacks. Us being diffrent, therefore bad. The unxexplained is a scary thing and I think as humans we shy away from those things, but the people such as the disabled and discrimnated have an adavantage over those shallow thinkers; we see all aspects and that makes us more enlighted and better people as a whole.
--C.P
11/21 |
Great writing! I have also wondered that pleasing women orally has never been considered "manly" or whatever... It's lovely to hear different perspectives, and your story has given me some ideas that I'd like to try in my own love life... especially the bit about slowing down. Good luck to you!
--sb
11/20 |
If only there were more people without your condition that understood that sex is not limited to the genitals.
--DJB
11/20 |
I would just like to say that I think that it is very strong of you to let your feelings be shown on this subject to thousands of people. I also think that this article will prove to be helpful to you and many others in your situation by dispelling many of the myths associated with quadriplegia. Good work.
--JV
11/20 |
I wish I could think of more to say, but BRAVO! Yep people with disabilities and like me with spinal cord difficulties are indeed very sexual and most certainly sensual. I have sent a link to this article to several people, and I hope they will take it in kind. Thanks for sharing this. I'd love to see more on subjects like this. Great, and thanks again. -Daak
--DM
11/20 |
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