Re: Not Interested. Why all the lies and games - fake wedding bands, please! Why not just be honest?
It sounds to me a bit like protesting too much: "I'm just so irresistible."
--EG
07/27 |
Adrian Piper, conceptual artist, enjoyed reading in noisy bars but didn't enjoy fighting off conceptually weak pickup artists, so she had cards printed. They say, more or less:
"I wish to read here undisturbed, and am not interested in meeting new people. Please don't take this personally, but I do not wish to converse with you."
The truth usually works better than faking deafness or illness, or telling people that you already know enough assholes, thanks. how many assholes are enough? How many are too much? It's one of life's mysteries.
When I first saw her cards I thought Ms. Piper's approach was a bit cold, but you can't beat it for simplicity. It only, however, works if you're her and really just want to get back to your book.
But if you ARE out to interview new candidates and someone just doesn't look plausible but persists in pursuing you and you don't want to create a stalker situation, I'd say your best move is to fake an incoming phone call full of bad news, and leave. Alternatively, if the pest is objectively threatening, alert the management and have him tossed. If they won't do that, then leave and do not return there. How much of a stink you want to make after that is up to you.
--TP
07/26 |
about dealing with a pushy pick up artist. i live in israel where men are not at all shy about trying to pick you up. for the most part it's just flattering; but sometimes with some guys it gets to be too much. what i do is just be straightforward. i say, "thanks for your attention but i'm just not interested." it sounds harsh and it is on some level but i only use that line when everything else has failed, i.e. i have a boyfriend, etc. some guys act rudely in response but if the goal is to stop getting bothered by someone then usually the goal is met.
--hs
07/26 |
http://www.rejectionhotline.com/
--HARK
07/25 |
Look up the free rejected phone number in your area, its a number you can give someone and the recorded message says they've been rejected.
--HARK
07/25 |
The best line I use on rude librarians, pushy train employees, pedantic professors, and unwanted men is : "Are you on crack?" Works like a charm. But you have to say it with a very straight face. Point and shoot.
--cg
07/25 |
It's the line I tell all girls to use. It doesn't fail:
"You're really cute, but I'm just not attracted to you in that way."
Usually does it.
--sam
07/25 |
I would have said to him, "And yet I'd rather be alone than spend time with you, which has nothing to do with your height and everything to do with your personality."
--REM
07/25 |
should've told him - 'not as often as little boys'...
--ch
07/25 |
Erm, I never really know what to say to unwanted attention in clubs. On the dance floor I might dance a little bit, and then just kinda move off with my girlfriends and stop eye contact completely. That usually works.
Although one time there was a very very short man (I am 6ft 1 with my heels on... those Scandinavian genes!) who just wouldn't take no for an answer. I ended up leaving the dance floor completely. Anyway, the final 'slow song' of the night I was hanging out by myself as my other 2 girlfriends were making out with other guys. I didn't particularly mind, I was just chillin waiting to go home. Then the super short man (I'd guess just at 5ft) came up to me and said "you see - tall girls always leave alone".
I told him to F off, and despite how silly it was, it actually kinda hurt. I'm sure that was his whole point.
Goes to show that there are a lot of aholes out there!
--efp
07/24 |
I pulled out my wallet and asked him how much I could pay him to make him go away. I have also carried Scientology materials in my purse and asked him if he would like more information about L. Ron Hubbard. Warning: the latter technique sometimes fails in California.
--CF
07/24 |
...and i'm feeling like my water is about to break...
--ch
07/24 |
Instead of telling a man that I am married or carrying a magazine-cutout as a fake boyfriend, I have found that the best way to keep unwanted men in check is to mention loudly that I am pregnant.
--ems
07/23 |
For a pushy pickup artist there isn't really any nice way to handle it. The method that has always worked for me, since I really do start out trying to be nice, is to look them in the eye like you would a two-year-old when his hamster dies, and say, "Look, I was trying to spare your feelings, but it seems you just can't understand, I have no interest in you. Now run along and go play with someone who really wants you around." Treating a grown man like a child works better than bug spray.
--SLM
07/23 |
Only one thing really, really works: Pick your nose.
--KAT
07/23 |
It sounds like Not Interested in fending off a particular guy, not just generic pushy guys. If that's that case, a simple "you're making me uncomfortable. Please stop harrassing me" is in order. It conveys a "not interested" coupled nicely with enough legal sounding words to imply "don't make me call the cops or an attorney."
If it's generic, a sweet "oh, that's funny, you're actually trying to pick up on me" also works.
--U.S.
07/23 |
VT: usually, "Thanks, but I'm taken" and a smile is the first option if they're nice in their approach.
Otherwise it's The Look.
--GB
07/23 |
I am not even going to get into the fact that its really hard for some guys to even approach a girl bit. But I do have a question; do you ladies ever try simply being nice and honest? Something like, "Sorry, I am not interested, Thanks"
Now.. I totally understand if you have rebuffed the guy already and he simply won't take a hint...then sure crack away. But its been my experience, most 'guys' cut and run pretty quick.
Numbers game or not.
--VT
07/23 |
hey bc - one of the questions got accidentally cut from this week's column. you'll be seeing an update shortly. xxoxoxo miss info
--EB
07/23 |
The flinch of disbelief, the slight hesitation, the look of utter disgust, and the very cold, "Um . . . no thanks" in a tone that really says, "Ewww! It talked to me!"
BTW, I don't really recommend reading a book, because that's for some reason a douchebag magnet. They all think, "Whatcha reading?" is a brilliant come-on. You might met a nice bookish lad, but statistics seem to say, unlikely. And this from a girl who often reads in bars.
--mpb
07/23 |
Im with Miss Info on the ignoring them trick. In fact, I had one woman couldn't get a guy to leave her alone, so to really get his goat she left with me instead. I was only too happy to help.
--MJR
07/23 |
Not Interested: Have straight-up TOLD him you're not interested? I mean the kind of telling him that involves looking straight in the eye and telling the truth: "I'm not interested in you, and I'd appreciate it if you stopped asking me out." That works for me.
--LMR
07/23 |
I give them The Look. You know the one. You look up, then down, then up again with slight disbelief on your face. Like you really, REALLY can't believe they would dare approach you.
And you don't say anything. You just stare until they make their excuses and leave. That works 90% of the time. The remaining 10% is pushed back by a simple, cold "Excuse me, do I know you?" Some will come back with "No, but you may get to know me now" which is easily rebuffed by a "No, thanks".
--GB
07/23 |
This column has really gone down hill. I mean look at the quality of letters chosen this week. The first letter is mere filler and the second cloaks four lines of advice in in 20 lines of anecdote. In addition to that the author regularly asks the readers to dispense advice or, failing that, just prints old letters. Its a shame, juicy advice columns used to be the only reason i came to nerve, no thats not even an option.
--bc
07/23 |
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