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FYI -- your theory is way off. Women tend not to be as visually oriented as men. That's not to say that we won't fall all over a Brad Pitt look-a-like, but we're just as likely to go for a guy with a great sense of humor, a guitar or a knack for poetry. The best sex I've had was with guys I was not initially attracted to, who took the time to let me get to know them and see how amazingly sexy they were. If they'd only spent two minutes chatting me up and then asked for my number, the answer would have been no. You might find that women are more likely to show interest in you if you show real interest in them. It's annoying when someone is only talking to you to get something, whether it's a phone number, a blow job or a sale. It makes you want to get them away from you as fast as possible.
--LR
09/25

Re: comments by FYI -- geez, who told Mystery about this comments section! Someone take away FYI's fuzzy hat before he hurts himself.
--- SG
09/16

I never give out my number to guys I don't know. I take his and if I say I'm going to call, I do. It would be nice if men could a) reciprocate that courtesy and b) recognize that women are often placed in a slightly more (physically) vulnerable situation when giving their numbers out. A guy who gives me a hard time about it and demands my number or makes me feel like an idiot for not wanting to fork mine over is not someone I want to get to know better.
--SS
09/13

I used to be terrified of approaching strange women in public places, like bars or clubs. Strange, since I'm confident and outgoing. The reason was that I had a couple of close female friends, who would mock and ridicule guys who approached them. I was afraid that I would get the same treatment from other women if I tried to chat them up. There's a reason that most guys who will approach women are unsuitable for dating, and that reason is because the good guys aren't willing to go through the ringer.
--gmr
09/12

Dating is a numbers game???? This entire "process" is directly out of the old school sales techniques. This stuff is totally recycled. Certain types of sales jobs are, in fact, numbers games. However, I these aren't the kind of jobs people aspire to. You are "selling" yourself like they used to sell encyclopedias. I suppose if you ( a guy) really HAS to get laid, then go for it. However, if you want to pursue relationships with women using a sales "model", why not move up a notch from door to door encyclopedia salesmen to investment banking (who basically buy and sell corporations). Why not think a little bit about target marketing (for example, maybe an art museum would be a better place to meet women then a bar), relationship selling, etc. Brute force numbers selling is older than Al Pacino. It just seems ironic that dating/hookups are adopting ancient sales techniques -- speed dating=trade show, for example. Sales people want relationships. They want "share of wallet" -- i.e. all their customer's business (monogamy). I'm far from an expert at either sales or relationships, but love isn't a numbers game.
--TW
09/12

LT, Don’t confuse the less knowledgeable men who read Nerve with half-truths. Though your suggestion that “dating should follow naturally from good conversation and genuine interest in each other as people” is right on, your response leaves out a crucial prerequisite…that the woman is initially physically attracted to the man. In the off-line, real world (where men and women are sharing the same time and space, like at a bar or party), a woman knows within the first 8 - 10 seconds of meeting a man whether or not she's physically attracted to him. And 99.9% of the time, good conversation won’t change that. That’s why men should only invest themselves in women who are attracted to them from the get go. Second, a man who talks to a woman for 5 – 10 minutes and then asks for the number is not “desperate and arrogant,” but relaxed and confident. He knows what he wants and he’s going to find out quickly and definitively whether he’s in or out with you. He knows that if you’re into him, you’re going to give up your number without hesitation. Then, and only then, should he bother calling you to ask you out to invest 45 minutes of his time in going to coffee with you. Otherwise, next. The desperate man is the clingy guy who talks and talks to you at the party, doesn’t get your number (because you don't respect him because he wouldn’t leave you alone), but sees you on a date the following week with the confident, relaxed guy you were attracted to from the beginning. Unless a man is exclusively dating a woman, (and she’s gotta be a good catch for that to happen) it’s always a numbers game.
--FYI
09/11

OH, and about the bartender thing, it'd have been better of you'd given advice based on your male coworkers' behavior from your bar days. Cuz I bet they were fucking the clientele on a very regular basis. All the guys I know who are bartenders do. So to the girl, it's simple: dating a bartender is like dating a musician, but with a little more money. They get to fuck whenever they want, so they do. Don't expect to be monogamous, and you'll probably have a decent time. Since the reader is already revealing herself as the jealous type, she'll be better off keeping the 'tender at a distance and focus in on her fellow patrons. Maybe the pudgy white guy with a beard and glasses sitting with his buddy at that side table.
--PO
09/11

There ain't that much laugh-out-loud on this site, but this... "I have no idea why I'm still sexually attracted to Al Pacino. I mean, look at him. For Chrissakes. He's a hundred years old." ...made me laugh so as to annoy my co-workers. More than usual. I think more than anything it's the punctuation. That extra period between "look at him" and "For Chrissakes." Ha. Thanks for that.
--PO
09/11

JO--as a woman I completely concur, especially on the issue of talking to her for a while before asking for her number. I can tell when a guy is talking to me because he's actually enjoying it and interested in the conversation and when he's talking to me because he's just making an obligatory few minutes of small talk before he asks for my number, so he can know whether or not he should move on to his next "target." (Are you listening, FYI?) The former scenario is enjoyable and intriguing and makes me want to get to know the guy better, the latter scenario just makes the guy look some how desperate and arrogant at the same time. Maybe this notion is quaint nowadays in the age of online personals and speed dating, but, to me, dating should follow naturally from good conversation and genuine interest in each other as people, instead of just being a numbers game. So if you like a woman, forget your numbers and make a little investment of time. We know the difference.
--LT
09/11

RE: Giving out numbers when you're not interested... It's a cop-out, and essentialy a way to avoid conflict (and a guy glaring at you from across the bar all night). But it takes two to tango. I've been in situations where it's just easier. EX: My friend is flirting with a guy and his sleazy/drunk buddy decides that he and I should be hitting it off as well. I've given up my number at times like those to keep the peace. But I think that all of this can be avoided. Guys, pay attention to her, and your chances of success will skyrocket. Wait until you've been talking for a WHILE before you even think of asking. If she's smiling, giving you positive body language, laughing, talking, and responsive, then it makes sense to ask for her number. If she's looking over her/your shoulder, not making much eye contact, closing off... she doesn't want to give you her number, so don't ask!! Also, please never, ever do the immediate call-back "just so she'll have your number, too." It just looks insecure.
--JO
09/11

Bitches will screw you CK, one way or another!
--SV
09/11

Captain Karma, Dude, change your attitude and gain some knowledge. We are men. It’s out job to approach the target, keep her laughing for 5 – 10 minutes, and close her by asking for the digits. If she’s interested, she’ll give you her number without hesitation. Any other response = she’s not interested. That’s it. Taking rejection personally and asking women to change is counterproductive and pathetic. Look, dating will always be a numbers game. If 14 straight targets reject you, but the 15th digs you, you should invest as little time and energy as possible in the 14 misses to get to Miss 15. Instead of whining about how women are rejecting you, learn how to read womenspeak (verbal and non-verbal communication cues) and appropriately respond in manspeak to get what you want.
--FYI
09/11

Re: Captain Karma Dear Miss Information, I'm a bit disappointed that you didn't address to Captain Karma that by directing his irritation on women giving false numbers, he's not assuming responsibility for himself. I hear general complaints like this all to often and am getting quite sick of the "blame it on the woman" or, "blame it on anyone but yourself" mentality that somef men have. Otherwise, I enjoy your column and look forward to the next one.
--ADJ
09/11

RK, aren't you worried at all about the guys who might pursue too zealously? I don't think I ever point-blank asked a woman I wanted to go out with for a phone number. It seemed intrusive and potentially stalkerish. I'd always offer my number (or e-mail) first, but I'd follow up by saying, "If you prefer, I'm also happy to call or write you first -- it's whatever you want."
--REM
09/10

"Holy shit? Why was that spatula taking elocution lessons from that frog?" Miss Info, I think I love you. That is all.
--M
09/10

I like it. Gives me more control.
--WP
09/10

Ok, come on; advising a guy to give his number is terrible. I never call guys who give me their numbers, and neither do my friends. Why? It shows the guy is too lazy to pursue you, remember your name, bother to call himself. PLUS you never know if he remembers who you are two days later or if he gave his number to two hundred other girls. Additionally, it kind of counts as asking him out which really; just changes the whole dynamic of asking a girl out in the first place. Email? Far better idea.
--RK
09/10

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