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Reader Feedback on "Getting Personals"
Dang. You just reached right in and bribed that Universal Eleven-year-old in everyone (with candy and porn) for use of his/her point of view for a while. Right on. Thank ya; the sentences felt peculiarly like an old favorite t-shirt, snug and familiar and ultimately feeling just real damn good.
On a stranger note, at 10, my older sister once had a somewhat similar adventure on her bike; but instead of Prince Q. Studley disappearing before the Grand 'Humerus' Bicycle Disaster, Princey Q actually stood there uncontrollably laughing, then screaming with terror and running away, as my sister suddenly (and ludicrously) completely inverted going head over heels over the handlebars, crashing into the sidewalk face-first, spouting this enormous neon-blue pulsating circle-wound about four inches in diameter in the center of her forehead. Like a giant oogey cyan psychic eye. D---aaaang. Ooooooh.
Her Eleven-Year-Old dreams of Princey Q taking her lovingly in her arms and nursing her to health in a small woodland cottage with flowers, and springtime, and laughter---- shattered. Forever. She did git a nifty scar out of it, though.
--sYOb
04/08 |
i like
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10/27 |
It would appear that you are correct Ms. Taylor, the return of the billet doux indeed, quite unexpectedly and long denounced as a possibility, with the simple expedient of not only personals per se, but on Nerve...Nerve as it exists simply cutting through unnecessary unsavory unmitigated avoidance of the point.
--BLU
10/18 |
My recently "exed" lover found me at Classmates.com, an old boyfriend from high school. What started as a polite
online exchange of life updates, quickly erupted into online erotica, electronic tomes of tenderness, a barrage of
silly email banter, and eventually the most intense sexual and romantic adventure I'd even had - with Nerve.com in
the center of the cross fire. (A favorite favorite article, Sleeping Under 4 Stars.) His wife found some innocent
messages, thank God, when she was using his laptop, and that was to be the end of that, we thought. We tried
to dial the intensity down, but that lasted a week. We set up alternative avenues of email, not the office variety. A
near email disaster at my office: I sent out, luckily, a very banal message about taking my car to the mechanic to
an entire design team at work headed by someone of the same first name. Thank God, not the message about
his tongue circling my sweet asshole and the young woman I had met on a sex telephone line who was going to
join us for a threesome. Last week, it all ended. Photographs he had developed of the two of us were sent to his
home, and his wife opened the envelope. The unbearable pain of discovery. The end of the affair. Still quite in
the throes of my grief. Not to be continued. Not exactly meeting as strangers through online personals, but
re-meeting as grown-ups. I can barely stand the pain. I will come to nerve.com to help me through this. I am afraid
of the personals, though, and the temptations of words gone wild. It can be an addiction . Maybe the phone call
to the secret service agent - with the handcuffs - I knew a dozen years ago will help me ride this out. Oops
husband's home.
--el
06/01 |
I live in Australia and wanted an on-line relationship with someone far away so the physical stuff didn't get too complex. So I posted an ad on Nerve. Many replied but one in particular ... boy could he write. The sensual and sexual and poetics and kindliness were all in his repertoire. And, hey, as I later uncovered, he lived just over the hill (well, 800kms but near enough). Love? Yes. Life? Maybe. Uncomplicated? Not really but there you go.
The beauty of a good personals column like Nerve is the calibre of participants. And the space to be honest. No one has to lie, and this makes us most true to ourselves.
--sb
04/23 |
You suggest, humorously, that people should limit their searches by area code. Damn fine idea -- if only your search page would allow it. Get hopping!
--bw
02/09 |
Em - Do you think that Simon would recognise himself in your Feb. item? The things we do for love hey and now he's a married man!! Will be in touch directly. Helen.
--HMP
02/07 |
Sounds like Ally McBeal. Funny.
--sk
02/04 |
Emma, Your article was brilliant. I am not looking for a love. I have one. But I am a romantic and appreciate your writting. You have woven a tapestry of words that dignifies the search for love in this media that is so one dimensional. It is, I hope ,the beginning of many love stories.
--pas
02/03 |
I have often pondered about the personals. I listen but not often answering. My voyuristic tendencies have brought much to my mind in terms of what people think when they go through the "personals experience". I have found that most people treat it like a fast food. I want them to be this tall and this color or this weight this money bracket who looks like this and oh yea you have to be a decent person. I think people don't realize that when you rule out what you find not so attractive you have probably ruled out the one person that would have made you happy. Few people in this world ever marry our ideal person. Why? Because we really don't know what is best for us. I'm not saying that personals are bad just that people should try to get to know poeple before they decide they want to get married. Many girls on the personals tell the world up front that they are looking for a serious relationship. That's all well and good but telling a guy that on the first date or in your ad is probably not going to attract the type of people they want. Then when it doesn't work out there next ad says that they don't want a guy who is going to play games. It's like telling a guy on the first date that you want to have a baby. That's just not cool. The guy is going to hit the door running for their lives. Having said all that I must say that the personals can be a very fun experience however, in order for it to be as uncomplicated as anything in the world to can be these days,you have to be honest. Yes, guys honest; honest with yourself about what you want and then honest with the person that you are meeting. Decide to share with the person about who you are before you dicide to share your bed or your ice cream or what ever else you have to offer. Make sure they are interested in getting to know you. If they are then maybe that's a green light. If it's about sex(I feel there is nothing wrong with that by the way...)then make sure that how ever many people are involved everyone knows the rules before you start teh game.
--JD
02/02 |
Good article Emma, you may have persuaded me to write and reply to some Personals... who knows, maybe I'll find a new love interest! And don't worry, Simon didn't know what he was missing!
--Bex
02/01 |
What is your area code?
--GPA
02/20 |
What is your area code?
--GA
02/19 |
Aloha from the islands. Just by chance this evening (02/15/00) I caught the segment offered by 60 minutes about this website. Being a naturally curious type, I found myself browsing here. Then I read your commentary regarding your role in handling the personals. I found myself thinking to myself, hmmmmmmmmmmm, a challenging task indeed. You know yourself that there are many web sites touting the virtues of meeting that someone special in life via the internet. I am sure too that you know the verdict is still out as to any consistent 'real' success rates when the numbers are correctly calculated. On the other extreme are the more seedier websites also purporting to satisfy every man or woman's dream however that may be defined. And then there is a variety of middle-the-road sites, some utilizing 'real-life' bodies attached to toll free and/or 900 numbers; self-proclaimed gurus of match-making; computer-generated corrolates of degree of similar interests; and finally - last but not least - the touted campion of professional relationship building. Of course we cannot forget those volumes of publications at popular bookstores that similarly envision the singular road to happiness. Yes, you certainly have a major task at hand as you speak to address the needs of a varient population across the globe. In all of this, I might have one question, what criteria will you be using to weed out those most undesirable few that will spoil it all for the others?
Did you see today's on-;ine New York Times article that spoke about the increasing isolation the internet is bringing to people. I am curious as to your reaction to that article. I actually think it is a two edged sword. In one sense the world is opening up tremendously via this medium. If I was a Hawaiian dude living in Manhatten for most of my life but wanted to connect back to my homeland, this is an easy medium to do so. Or, if I was a Caucasion or Chinese man seeking a 'traditional' Asian woman (whatever that means today) to betroh, I could access any number of personal ad sites (maybe even this one?) seeking such a life partner. But on the other hand, I agree with the article in that the internet really has the potential to isolate one from each other, ones local community, or even away from society as a whole. It is easily contemplated a time where all needs for life can simply be connected via the internet. What does that do for social discourse? What and how would society look like when all I/we have to do is stay home and all our needs are met right at home? We are already seeing visions of this through several 'live-in' situations where singularly or in groups individuals are moving in to an empty house (usually a sponser is involved), get a set allowance, are not allowed to leave the home for any reason, and are suppose to make the house a home through the internet (a computer is the only piece of furniture/appliance in the home when this all starts). Talk about the boy in a bubble syndrone. Kind of a scary thought, isn't it? Perhaps this would be a time for a new role for such sites as yours, particularly on the 'personals' side of things to bring people more together. An example might be sponsoring events across the globe that people would be interested in attending together: cultural events, riverboat cruises. faraway travels, local conerts, to name but a few. Yes, you certainly have lots of responsibility here.
So much to think about as you embark upon this mission......
I wish you folks well - health, personal fulfillment, happiness, true love, and prosperity in life and beyond. I am, pacific_calm@hotmail.com. A hui ho.
--tw
02/16 |
hey it's fun
--rg
02/15 |
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