Years ago, my youngest brother, an Annapolis graduate, was a young officer on an aircraft carrier. During long cruises, it didn't take long for everyone's favorite dining table yarns to have circulated and become common knowledge, and dinner-time conversations grew stale. "New blood" was always welcome, and when a new officer came aboard, he became a popular dinner companion until his yarns too had become old news.
One newcomer was an emergency room physician who joined the cruise for a temporary duty assignment of a month-and-a-half. He had many interesting stories, as any ER staff member would.
One night he recounted a story of a patient who'd arrived with a light bulb shoved up his tailpipe, round end first. He tried the conventional methods of removal outlined in the article, gloved hands and so forth. The thing was too slippery to grip. Then, looking at the threaded end, he had an inspiration. "Go get me a lamp", he instructed an ER nurse. "A lamp???" she responded incredulously. "Sure. Get a lamp with a socket that matches that bulb's base, and we'll screw the lamp onto the bulb and pull it out". Sure enough, this worked (everyone roared when the doctor assured them they'd unplugged the lamp first).
That story made the rounds of the aircraft carrier as no other newcomer's anecdote had.
My brother had happened to be dining with the ship's Commanding Officer when the doctor had joined them and debuted that story.
And from that day onward, whenever someone screwed up royally on that ship, someone was sure to say, "Somebody go get a lamp".
--jec
03/15 |
why? whiskey tango foxtrot is wrong with these ppl
--rhjr
03/06 |
All I have to say is.....what the hell? What's the deal with the ass? Either stick with a dick or get a colonoscopy WITHOUT the Versed!!! Geeez.....
--PLB
11/23 |
Call me a prude, but I have never had the urge to either insert anything into my ass or place anything into anyone else's. Why do I seem to be one of the few people who think that asses are one way?
--EW
10/21 |
Very funny, but a most, interesting article to say the least..
--am
10/18 |
My wife has been a PA (Pathology Assistant) for a few years and Ive heard quite a few foreign body stories as she gets them post removal. Part of her job is dictating the description of these objects.
The strangest one i can remember was a prosthetic arm...
Unlike other objects she recieved. The "formely attached" came to claim the item from the lab.
--VR
10/07 |
Twain was right--man is the only mammal that blushes, or needs to. My girlfriend and I have tried anal sex only so far as me lubricating the tip and pushing in very gently. By grasping her firm scrumptious ass cheeks, she pushes back for more as I look down on a very erotic sight. She then plays with herself and after I push in two inches or so, she cums. Then I stop, shower again and then we indulge on more fun on the sofa, naked, for some hot oral sex. She gets on top and we look in a mirror as I enter her shaved cunt, my hands grasping and spanking her for great sex. She loves to rub her tits on my chest as our tongues connect just like the hot pornos feature, often with two young babes ravishing a young guy with a big thick cock until he loses it as a honey swirls her tongue around the tip.
--PKJ
09/13 |
OK I can't believe (no offense) but I can't believe how anybody can lose a dildo or vibrator up their ass .. Being a bisexual male (that means a guy who is not ashamed to put stuff up his butt) I have had plenty of dildos, vibrators, and attached dicks up my ass. Anytime I got one shuved up in there .. I just simply SHIT it out !! Now for these guys who stick foreign objects up there just for fun ... thats just sick ... you boys need to get a dildo .. a boyfriend.. or just stick to your fingers !!
--JMS
09/12 |
You forgot to mention this classic website dedicated to RFO's. Its been around for at least 6 or 7 years, which makes it a pioneer in internet terms...
http://www.well.com/user/cynsa/newbutt.html
--MG
08/13 |
Well I know this has unleashed a flood of stories, but I in fact participated in the removal of the nozzle of a fire extinguisher which was up past a fellows sphincter. I was a college kid at the time, helping around an ER, and had not been informed of what we were going after. It was just that all of a sudden a fire extinguisher nozzle was flying across the room, and very wryly, the doctor said, "You'll want to be sending that to pathology." This incident then evoked all sorts of stories that the docs said they had seen in thier intern days etc., but this is the only one I can personally attest to. And come to think, don't really want to ever see such again!
--jds
08/09 |
My cousin's mailman once had this happen to him: He and his wife's dentist were playing and they shoved a midget into his ass. At first, only his feet were sticking out, but they "slipped into the anus" as the article says. He suoffocated and died, and the mailman was indicted on manslaughter charges. The wife and the dentist sobered up, got married, and moved to Cincinatti. They now have two beautiful children and have no plans to insert them into any rectal cavities. He likes jazz, Italian food and Agatha Christie novels. She is a homemaker and sends books to poor schools in Africa.
--kmg
07/13 |
My friend is a doctor and he told me the strangest things he removed from vaginas in the emergency rooms.
1. Chicken bone which was being used for stimulation until it got stuck one day.
2. Rosary beads which the woman's husband had wrapped around his penis while they were having sex.
--dpf
06/27 |
Wow DLS--I know exactly the drummer you're talking about! They were a great band.
But I guess sometimes underwear is practical, eh?
--jml
06/09 |
"Rectum? Nearly killed 'em!" (bet you're getting that a lot) But seriously, eventually, don't we all get it in the end? Gotta go...like the butcher who backed into the meat grinder, I'm getting a little behind in my work. What an ass...
--kbs
06/07 |
Like many men, I appreciate a fine tush besides a womans other charms-hands, attitude, legs, arms, face, intelligenceand empathy, but anal sex is so repulsive to me that I cannot imagine even asking in a vague way if she would ask for it. Sure, Ive seen some porno featuring it (two men and a woman) but actually doing it is way off the edge for me. I cringe when people mention how" anal" someone is in their daily lives! I am not naive as I spent months in a front line army unit in W Germany many years ago, so I have had my fill of barracks-locker room vulgarities. I am not a father so I do not have to deal with sex education and the questions that healthy kids are going to ask. This bizarre tale regarding Richard Gere and some rodent is something I cannot fathom. Must have been started by some fat slob nobody who was envious and jealous of Gere courting and marrying Cindy Crawford. Didn't the novel 1984 end with the main character stuck in a small cage with rats? Some inspiration. Or maybe what Devils Island convicts did in Papillon in order to hide contraband.
--TEL
06/07 |
My husband and I met over one of these "X-Rated X-Rays."
Back when I was an X-ray tech, a young man came into the emergency room at 4:00 pm on a Sunday afternoon saying, "You've got to get this thing out of me-- I have to pick my wife up at the airport at 4:30!" The pelvis x-ray revealed a large vibrator lodged high in the rectum. The man had to be taken to surgery in order to dilate his anus sufficiently to remove the vibrator. (No, I don't know if it was still buzzing, but I do believe he missed meeting his wife's flight).
A year later I was asked to teach a class at a local college of alternative medicine on radiology. I assumed the students wouldn't have high interest in western medicine and so chose the most entertaining x-rays I could find, including this one which was stationed on the light box as Exhibit A as the students filed in. (The patient's name was blocked out.) An unusually handsome and alert young man sat in the front row, grinning back and forth from the x-ray and back to me-- he had enough medical background to know exactly what he was looking at and to appreciate my method of capturing the class's attention.
Later on he said, "As soon as I saw that film, I knew that you were the girl for me!"
We've been married 15 years and it's only gotten weirder since then.
----->kiralira
--KL
06/05 |
I have a friend that played drums in a hardcore band. He played naked until these two incidents occured. First: After he played a show, he met a girl and you know. Anyway, they were taking a shower and his sack filled up w/ water. He had ripped it on a tuning peg! Second: During a set (they were quite entertaining to see live, by the way), he jumped up and when he went to sit down the drum stool had been flipped over and well, he got reamed in the ass by a leg of the chair. At the hospital, the doctor said, "You can tell me what really happened, Son". He was on crutches for weeks.
--DLS
06/03 |
yeah this is really rather scary. anal play can be good. i don't want to hear anything otherwise... but this just scares the sh*t out of me, hehehe, no pun intended. i wish it were a little bit more positive, less negative.
--me
06/03 |
This is SO funny and good..it is one of the best articles I've read here..and you have quite a few..
--w.z.
06/03 |
Geez, thanks for the gross piece on "RFOs" that only a proctologist or Dr David Reuben would enjoy. Didnt he write a sex book in the late 60s where he went on and on about how weird gays were? Ive had many women sex partners and I have never even suggested anal sex nor have I ever met a woman who could even imagine doing it. Sure, like many men I have enjoyed seeing a mans hands grasping and playfully slaping creamy firm buns as his partner rides him, but the ass was never met for a penis to enter. Probing and rimming with a stiff tongue, yes, but sticking a penis head into it? No!
--MDB
06/03 |
Ahhhhhh!! I am never going to let my boytoy use that vibrator again!!! How does one know the line between fun and a hospital visit!?!?
--gde
06/03 |
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