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Reader Feedback on "The Purity Myth"

you need to look into the laws of modesty in judaism: http://desiretoshare.com/romance.htm
--fm
04/24

Thank GOD! I have been saying these things for years (I even wrote a paper about them in college with a strikingly similar title...) and finally I feel vindicated and not like I'm the only one in the world that finds our society's virginity fetish so disturbing. Reading this was almost better than sex... JL-I don't think she's saying that we should treat sex casually. She's only saying that girls are encouraged to measure their self worth in terms of their sexual experience, or lack thereof, and that that is harmful. It's perfectly valid to be concerned about girls becoming sexual active at tender and vulnerable ages, but we should do so because we care about their emotional and physical well-being, not because we equate sexual inexperience with moral purity.
--LT
04/23

Hate to be the one to call major bullshit on this, but that's what the book sounds like: bullshit. Although it's true that there is a contradicting media pull for women and girls to be "pure" and "seasoned," I would say that that point in itself debunks the author's whole argument. Women should follow an ethical compass not defined by their bodies? Ethics are the collective values of the society, and when society is clearly pegging you as a saint or whore, then ethics kind of go out the window. This of course feeds into the current trend of communal thinking where everyone is expected to share the same values and -isms: feminism, environmentalism, evangelicalism, etc. If you don't, then some media figure will condemn YOU and everything you stand for, which ultimately means the whole country stands around pointing fingers at each other calling each other "amoral" and "incompassionate" for a plethora of bullshit reasons. And obviously, Jessica Valenti is no different. The problem is, our bodies, our virginity, and our morals are all very personal things. Ethics are the things that you can take or leave. To have morality based on them is ridiculous, if not downright stupid. How you treat your body and your vagina, though perhaps not virginity, is a very accurate moral indicator: most people would agree that there are serious emotional, psychological, and physical consequences. Not everyone should glorify virginity, but sex has to do with how much you value yourself with this very intimate act between two people. It's not just some unsubstantial fun to throw around. I am completely not a virgin, and was not very emotionally cautious about the people I was having sex with. I deeply regret that I didn't wait till I was maybe a little older and better judge of character to share it with someone who would be able to appreciate it and me because it is not separate from me; it's a part of who I am.
--JL
04/23

wanted to agree that as a girl, i had always felt far more pressure to become sexually active than to stay chaste. FAR.
--sen
04/23

Where are you from? Adolescent girls are having sex in droves. 50% of black teenagers have herpes; every girl I knew in high school had at least one abortion and the illegitimate births in this country are over 37% for whites; 57% for Hispanics and almost 80% for blacks. Chastity is not overrated; it is a safeguard for the aforementioned results that inherently damage one's life. Morals is not a dirty word. Hard to live up to maybe, but the concept has endured for some since the beginning for a damned good reason.
--ch
04/23

I greatly enjoyed this article as it has made me realize how I have fallen prey to the purity myth. I wrote a response to it on my blog (http://herstorjournal.blogspot.com), and already a friend has told me how much she appreciated the posting, and she ordered the book on Amazon. I have my copy coming, as well. :-)
--MG
04/22

just wanted to agree with "ls". while i enjoyed this article, this was not my experience at all. i remained a virgin long after my friends were sexually active not out of any morals, but just because i hadn't found anyone i wanted to sleep with. my virginity felt like a deep, shameful secret for years and my friends that knew openly teased me about it. more to the point, i never found a man who found my virginity alluring at all. when i finally lost it it at twenty, it just felt like a relief to be "normal". and i never told the guy. this is deeply colored by my own experience, but i always felt there was far more pressure to be sexually active than not.
--jls
04/21

I have long thought that the single most dangerous "value" is the connotation of female virginity with female worth. I see both men and women (not boys and girls, but grown adults!) who have the most insane ideas about women based on her sexual history, or lack thereof. I was raised to believe premarital sex was wrong, and while I shook that off and had sex in my early 20's I was surprised by how internalized the message was: I've had sex, I did something wrong, I'm bad. My mother was not upset but told me to never tell my future husband! This was in 2005! Thank you for writing this book, I am very excited to read it and to see there are others who feel the way I do.
--NUR
04/21

I think racking up the numbers is overrated. When I was younger I couldn't wait to get some notches in my bedpost... I lost my virginity at 18 and felt like I had some catching up to do. Now at 27 I wish I slowed down a bit and realized that the less is best - I'm not yet in the double digits but only one away. It is good for women and girls to explore their sexuality, but I also believe it is good they still consider it precious.
--FL
04/21

This was not my experience as a young woman at all (I'm 25 now). I come from a religious (though not evangelical) family, and even went to a religious school up until high school. Despite all that, virginity was always treated as a burden by myself and my teenage friends. We didn't want to have sex with just any old guy, so we were always in a mad race to find a boyfriend so we could get rid of it.
--ls
04/20

I have a mad feminist crush on Jessica Valenti right now. Great article. I'll definitely read the book. I'd love to see more writing from such an overt feminist standpoint on nerve.
--ML
04/20

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