nice read.
--LR
01/24 |
great story. i could read it over and over.
--tjf
11/30 |
I loved your story. a very good balance in the story and enough information to make me feel excited. the asshole touching is a nice detail. Please write more like this.
I loved it and love you.
koos
--md
10/14 |
This was alright although to much detail on how hot the room was instead of the sex.
--DM
10/12 |
that was extremely "hot"
thank you...
denny
--DL
10/11 |
Not bad... The mix of generalities and specifics seems over-edited tho, a little artificial. The title tho doesn't promise anything that isn't delivered, so any criticism of overstaging wouldn't be accurate. I think the issue in writing near-erotica is just that if it's too mechanical or idealized it really loses its woody, so to speak. The asshole touch should have felt naughtier than it did. The cum shouldn't have a perfect parabola for an arc. The girl's facial features just shouldn't have been so mapped out, top to bottom, in such an organized way. Yes, it did seem staged, even for just one night.
--GC
10/10 |
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