great story, would like to read it all. erotic
--ejs
06/30 |
Pointless. Goes down smooth and easy like an icecream cone, with even less nutritional value. This has all been said before.
--FT
06/23 |
probative snapshot...i was in that room...i'm sure you were too.
--em
06/22 |
very impressive,"impressionistic".
vividly captures the desperation and groping of modern "dating"
--d.m.
06/21 |
That's good stuff. The vapidness of one-night-stand sex was well articulated - and some hint at motive. V good. The titling and the ending were a tad sloppy tho. Nothing to argue about, but... The title plays the small detail card a little too hard. Don't come right out and say it. Name it something else and have the game of tag mean something other than the primary subject (which it isn't - no game b/t she and Jones). As for ending - it's a still photo. Why was this Jones (a john?) such an altruist as to point out the boys again and all but hold her? It's not obvious enough that the twins are her dueling impulses. Make the reader know what you're implying.
--GC
06/21 |
I liked this story because the author really painted a realistic picture of single casual sex. The alcohol, the parts of the night you can't remember, and the next morning when your not as drunk anymore and all the different ways things go in that morning. I find Jane a very relatable character; reminds me of myself actually.
Also, great writing.
--Amy
06/21 |
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