Maybe it's because this is just an excerpt, but I had a really hard time following who was who in this, with all the he's and she's interspersed throughout, and not being sure who Mary was and if John was her husband or not when the names are first mentioned. Maybe a quick synopsis or introduction would be appropriate in cases like this where you just dive in to the middle. Or, if this is really "Chapter 1", the author needs to do a better job introducing the characters.
--JCF
02/17 |
