PERSONAL ESSAYS

Reader Feedback on "My Depressed Libido"

I was hesitant to take Zoloft for depression when I found out it might decrease my libido but decided that this oversexed body and mind could use a drug to supress my overactive libido. Hopefully it won't completely wipe out my sex drive. I have heard that taking gingko extract helps improve a supressed libido.
--mm
06/20

To those who belittle clinical depression, thanks. Must be nice to be perfect. However, for some of us (who have been deader'n a doornail on an emergency room table and PISSED as hell when revived) seratonin imbalances are a fact of life, just as insulin imbalances are to diabetcs. Yeah, you are right. Life IS tough, especially when goofy brain chemistry is screwing with your perceptions.
--ace
11/07

You got it. Your essay describes SSRIs to a tee. Like you, I periodically stop taking Zoloft simply so that I can actually complete a sex act (my partners describe me as the energizer bunny, until after 4 hours they collapse with the realization that an orgasm just ain't gonna happen to me, even WITH the industrial belt sander she has just, out of desperation and frustration, gone to Home Depot to buy and try).
--ace
11/07

i've been on zoloft for a few months and depressed libido is definitely a side effect. however, i'd take this over being depressed any day.
--ks
09/28

I've rarely read something so depressing. Perhaps if the author got out of his own head for a minute then he would see how ridiculous his complaining is. The world isn't put together for your benefit; take the drugs, or don't; we (and ALL the other people who've dated pill-happy folks who are magic but libidoless) are tired of hearing how hard your life is. We're not shallow, we just want to date a human being and not some artifically drugged monk. Antidepressants aren't meant to be used forever (although they often are.) You're not going to find happiness in a pill, although you will get enough stability to pull yourself together. Take that time, and use for something other than tricking people into dating this Zoloft-you.
--jk
09/22

Wow, i just started Zoloft last week and now i am terrified. I suppose it will be ok for now, since i never get laid anyways.
--mm
09/15

Found this essay v. interesting. I did a list of all the things you just wouldn't bother doing on anti-ds. Your piece rang true: you can read my short little essay on this subject at http://www.daisye.f2s.com/mental.htm Daisy London
--DE
09/12

Thank you for sharing what your going through and letting me feel as I am not alone. I saw so much of myself in your story the only difference being that I'm in a hetero relationship but everything else sounded like it could have been me writing. But I was never clear, did your partner encourage you to take the meds, or try to go on with your life without them? I respect the fact that you sought help considering all the stigmas that are attached. I wish I could but I'm in a profession that my career would be greatly affected if it became know I was on any meds. But, I congratulate you so much in being honest with yourself.
--pa
09/08

Try Celexa. All my stuff still works and I'm 54.
--rlr
09/08

This was just the ticket. You have delineated my own experience with my drug of choice, sex, and my drug of survival, Effexor as of today, with such accuracy. Bravo! I'll keep my eyes out for more of your writing. Cat Fabulously talented and unpublished
--CR
09/06

Singing to the choir, my brother! After years of trying to find an antidepressant that didn't suck out my libido, I finally found that Wellbutrin DID work for me (thank god, because I would prefer to be dead than have no sex life!)
--lcs
09/06

Has any of you who use anti-depressants, anti-anxiety and anti-what-not, ever considered that there must be something *deeply* wrong in our society's (and/or your own) life-style for you to need *drugs* to have a decent/pleasant life? Maybe it's time to change this life-style instead of trying to patch up your life leaks with chemicals... Doesn't it sound wierd to you that a human being needs to put more than water and food in his/her system in order to have a normal life?
--FM
09/05

Fantastic article. Its like you were pulling thoughts straight from my brain.
--RP
09/04

fabulous writing. that's the thing about depression - it's self-involved, yeah, but let it never be said that all that self-involvement doesn't yield good insights about a whole lot. I was deposited at the antidepressant salad bar a few years ago and can't believe how horrid SSRIs are/were for me. wellbutrin saved just about everything and keeps me and my voracious libido ticking under the watchful guard of buspar, an anti-anxiety thing that helps neutralize that nasty OCD aftertaste of wellbutrin. good stuff. the crazy thing is that, like a lot of depression vetrans, I want to get rid of happy pills someday. we'll see. props for putting out what so many of us are just tired of dealing with. thanks.
--am
09/04

To the author: I was on Zoloft for three years for depression and migraines. Although I found welcome relief from my migraines (for a year), I experienced the debilitating loss of libido that you did. My husband thought I had abandened him and I thought I had become useless as a woman. Each time I complained (to my doctor), I was told to increase the dosage or add a drug like Welbutrin. I eventually had to go off the medication on my own. I became suicidal within six weeks. I'm not sure how I managed to get thru it but I'm thankful I did. I am aware that many people benefit dramatically from Zoloft. I am one it nearly killed. How many others.
--scb
09/04

I enjoyed your piece. Or article. I am 48 yrs old and have had a very similar experience. No kidding, two months after I started Paxal I became a giant success in my field. That was only 11 years ago. You can do the math. I wrestle all the time with the this odd issue of relationships , sex and depression Verses no relationship, no sex and a feeling of stability. Who knows.
--cbw
09/04

Gotta agree. Just got done telling a psychiatrist that wioth out my Libido I feel like I am flat lining. Even though I would complain that I was aroused too often, with no safe candidates around to appease exccept for myself... Oh JOy......with out it I don't feel whole... I ma going to hang n for a while and hopefully they will figure out something. Some have said adding viagra to the mix or even some wellbrutin would help... <Maybe when mny lover gets back to town I will consider it. he gets so frusatrate when he can't please me.... Its about time I ghad that proiblem , figures its when my libido nose dived. Trust me know one is more fustrated than me!!!!!!than you .... I also tried weelbutrin and freaked out - yuk.....it made the walls cave in on me..... Help from God needed here to solve this dilema
--se
09/04

Thank you for your candor. I've been on just about every anti-depressant since I was thirteen. Now, at 23 and 4 years of Effexor, I'm still wondering what an orgasm feels like. Every drug has a trade-off, and while I am infinitely grateful to now be healthy, and dare I say happy, I wish it was something else besides libido that goes. It's ironic that even though I'm no longer depressed, I still feel like an outsider.
--PKS
09/04

Paul: Have you ever considered acupuncture and oriental herbal medicine? Besides offering other therapies that may reduce "side-effects" (although they sound like major effects to me), oriental medicine might give you some fresh insight into the connections between all your symptoms, reactions, and abreactions. For example, it may be that your sex-drive was initially healthy and was then "shut-down" by your meds. Or, you may have been experiencing what an acupuncturist might term "false" sexual energy - a possible result of drug use and lots and lots of sex itself. This kind of "false" drive would commonly be accompanied by anxiety, and possibly exhaustion or depression. Kind of like a car without brakes: if it's going downhill it can still have a lot of speed. So the meds maybe pulled the emergency brake, but didn't fill up your tank. Chinese medicine can help fill up your tank.
--
09/03

Hey everyone-- I just wanted to respond to what you've all written here and to my e-mail inbox and say thank you. I've read some amazing stories in the last few days, and I believe that only by telling these stories in the most public possible way are we going to get our doctors, our shrinks, our research scientists, our insurers and employers, our friends and our families to understand what we're facing with this set of diseases and this set of meds. Good luck and be well-- Paul Festa
--pf
09/03

Before this article, I had not read such an articulate and accurate opinion on the effects (both good and bad) of antidepressants, and I am greatful that someone had the intelligence and bravey to admit that the terrible sexual side effects of the drugs actually are a rival to benefits of being on the drugs. I am a 25-year-old woman who was on Prozac for over a year, and finally, when I could no longer take the denial of what was once a fulfilling and important part of my life, I stopped taking the pills. I can remember several times, I would stop in the middle of ex or masturbation because the lack or orgasm and futile feeling overriding the act became too much to take. The frustration led to more depression, whcih defeated the entire purpose of the medication. I feel a little better about myself to know that I am not alone in the frustration of taking a drug that in some ways led to more depression about myself and my sexual being. I am also familiar with the feeling of wondering if the importance of sex to me was one of the underlying reasons I was suffering from depression, of wondering if I was a bad person because I enjoyed sex too much -- a feeling that was exacerbated because of stigma surrounding women who feel that way. I often wondered if the reason the sexual side effects and libido damper were part of the drug treatmentwas because that was the way ``normal people'' felt about sex -- take it or leave it. Thank you for this article. It was enlightening and liberating on so many levels, and I am glad to have read it.
--BH
09/02

in response to the buddhism feedback: buddhism rails against attachment. or at least it should, instead of desire. to me, desire is fine, if it is as fleeting as the object of desire. if one gets attached, then the doodoo starts to spray. humans are naturally curious, inquisitive creatures and depression can damage/remove that aspect of us. i think desire is a form of inquisitiveness and should never be squelched.
--wde
09/02

good to read this essay see that sex/depression is being discussed. the bit about "help" with the dishes & productivity is damned funny! i myself have dysthymia (slow-boil depression). my libido was little to nothing and so was my confidence. this prevented me from learning all those things that you do in high school and college. i haven't made those mistakes that you learn from w/r/t dating, booty due to my condition. now that i have been on st. john's wort for half a year, i am feeling confident and damned horny. but i still don't have the social grace to get with the amazing women i meet. i am so used to being clueless about sex/interest that i am far more familiar with making friends with women than getting with them. st. john's wort has given me the foundation i need to undo the habits and cycles i've built up in my life that perpetuated my diminished libido and confidence. repression was the name of my game. just ask some of my college friends. note: st. john's wort is not for severe depression, only for mild to moderate cases. SJW is worth researching.
--wde
09/02

Interesting stuff. Despite feeling rather strictly against solving problems with pills, I got tired enough of my own personal roller coaster to try the latest and greatest Lexapro. Supposedly it's anti-erotic effects aren't as strong as some others. I tried 10mg at first, then 20mg, at which point I did notice a marked sexual shutdown. Back at 10mg now, hoping to find a point where both "myself" and my boner function properly. The crux of the issue doesn't change though: by using drugs, we confuse the issue of _who_ we are, which would seem to make it difficult to make much "progress" in the long run. If I can't tell whether it's the drugs or my own waxing/waning libido, how am I supposed to know whether it's working? If anyone hasn't yet seen this article, you might find it interesting. Take the Red Pill: The Matrix by Prescription http://www.techgnosis.com/redpill1.html
--bd
09/01

I've been on medications on and off since I was 13. I have found that medications always seem to have an adverse effect on me, either I gain 60 pounds, feel the need to clean the whole house at 3 am or don't want to leave the bed, or do any activities that I enjoy. I'm bipolar, and swing rather dramatically off medication, at least I used too. I�ve worked with a therapist and have found a way to control most of the urges I get with my swings. I'm a little aggravated at the fact that none of the responses have pointed out that your behavior off medication is symbolic of an addictive personality. She should be working to curb this behavior, and not relying on medication to keep you safely out of the clutches of overactive sexual tendencies. Your libido is just the same as any passion and the purpose of medications is to stabilize/equalize these fluctuations. I admit that the change is libido is frustrating, and one of the reasons I opted to go for the non-medication route at this point in my life, but its important that you consider that just because your libido is waning now, doesn�t mean that the problem doesn�t still exist, just that its being suppressed like many of the other crippling symptoms you experience off medication. Eventually you�re going to want to have the function back, and to handle that responsibly is going to take more than a medication change. I suggest looking into a behavior therapist.
--ALM
08/31

I've been on effexor for about 6 mos & i too have a fits & starts sex drive now... i want to sleep in flannel jameez one night, curled up close to the cat, and try rope bondage the next. Yikes! I'm now weening off, and in a month we'll see what happend. GREAT article. Be well :) Sher in Toronto
--SM
08/31

What an interesting article....As a female, I have struggled with depression denting my sex drive--without the anti-depressants! I have never turned to the chemical solution and have seen several therapists (translate as over six). This summer was awful, and my current shrink (who is the best of the motley crew) asked about anti-depressants. After researching the side effects in light of the fact that I haven't had intercourse in over four years, I definitely decided against the prescribed options.... However, I did find a totally herbal, natural product suggested by the author of "Solving the Depression Puzzle," by Rita Elkins, M.H. It's called MoodPro, which has been clinically tested and had good results. I've been on it for five days, and I am taking 1/3 of the recommended dosage (because it's expensive). I don't know if I'm imagining this--but I feel better. It's not a be-all, end-all solution but I want to play music again and I feel a bit of a safety net around my emotions. Hope this helps anyone who wants to investigate a natural option without the sexual side effects--we'll see if it helps me to date again! :)
----ec
08/29

Try Welbutrine!
--twa
08/29

in Buddhism they speak of suffering as being brought about by desire and ignorance. Desire can be many things, such as lust, or anything that we crave. Since anything we desire is fleeting (as the nature of the universe is change), we suffer. Addicts and people with chemical imbalances can experience a more extreme example of this, brought on not only mentally but chemically. We want, we desire, we bemoan what we can't have. But they the Buddhists say that to stop the cycle we must stop trying to desire (to try to keep what is fleeting). I'm not a Buddhist, but I like the philosophy and I think its important. Sex in and of itself is no bad thing, but to use it as a crutch (or to use anything as a crutch) is bad. Something to cure your chemical imbalance might be nessary for the rest of your life, but I would like to think that there are other options. Drugs can't cure everything.
--
08/29

They tell me that my prescription, Depakote, has no sexual side effects. However, I've been on it since the 10th grade, and I have never had an orgasm. Not once.
--KM
08/28

As Wicked Willie said it best "(Bro) I feel your pain." I too went on or rather, was put on a myriad of SSRI's, all of which turned me into a Ken Doll, though some w/ more nasty side-effects than others, then again, as a former lover said: Why do they call them side-effects, when they're so frontal?! I do agree it's a Marxist thing, in that while it's true you're a productive happy zombied member of society, there's little pleasure in it (for you/one) anyway. I've gotten off of them all. Wellbrutrin was the one w/ the least side-effects, but for the anxiety, that is, which got me into Valium, then Buspar, then had to counteract it's libido-annihilating effects w/ Viagra, though that set my heart on to melt-down stage, not good. So, now, am off 'em, trying to reclaim my libido, acting as the (male)lesbian that I am & recovering my creativity in the process. There's got to be something better than these noxious pharmaceuticals. Don't believe the hype, y'all. But am glad it works for some of you.
--muse
08/28

Excellent article. It is truly, truly a quandary. I left my husband when Prozac did even that last resort in.
--nmf
08/28

paul, i am a female and have been depressed nearly all of my life. i am now on zoloft as of 1 year ago and share many of the same concerns voiced in your article. when i read your article i was releived (because i could relate to the frustration) and sad (because i could relate to the frustration) and laughed (cuz it was funny too). i have been single for 5 years (spatterings of dates throughout). i have also been in therapy for that same amount of time. with or without depression, i feel like i am still incapable of dating or being in a relationship- i lack the sexual drive i once had to actively seek out partners now that i'm on zoloft but when i'm not on zoloft, i'm depressed and lack the confidence necessary to approach possible prom dates- oh, the dilemma. the most life-affirming part of your article was the lack of resolution. i really enjoyed that you did not offer a solution. (in fact, i too would love to solve the problems of my love life, but i'm also too busy being productive (WORKING 70 hours per week, organizing, starting my own business plan) to figure it out. ironic. i realize my sexual drive is different than that of a man, but i am a woman who is at her supposed sexual peak (31) and have no partner to share it with. sad day. on the other hand, i am now working my dream job, in n.y. as a carpenter/designer...(satisfying alternative? i wouldn't know.) anyway, thanks for your insight however affirming and sad, all at once. sincerely, sam
--sam
08/28

Of course, then there's those of us who take Zoloft and have happy, healthy lives, sexual and otherwise. Ho hum.
--cc
08/28

i remember having poor libido when i took antidepressants in stressful times in my life. it is almost like you are not alive but a zombie. better to talk to a shrink about taking measures to change your life for the better. testosterone gel sounds interesting.
--tca
08/28

I recently had an annual physical during which my physician prescribed Prozac. I had ended a relationship, lost 15 pounds, suffered from insomnia, and basically felt like shit mentally and physically. My biggest concern was loss of libido which he said wasn't necessarily a side effect. Now after just one week on Prozac I feel better mentally. Now I want to stop treatment after reading this article and subsequent feedback. Why continue if I can't perform when in the company of the opposite sex. Thank you everyone for your honesty.
--jmj
08/28

I got off Paxil and another drug ("medication" or "sedatives" are weasel words for drugs, let's face it) as my libido went south. Making love was like playing pool with a rope. But I know of one drug, Trazadone, that gave me a stiff erection for hours. Look it up in the PDR, as one should do for any prescribed drug. Drinking alcohol? Remember what one of Macbeths buddies said, "Alcohol may sharpen desire, but it dulls the performance"....Sometimes a penis problem can be a godsend...mine became quite curved, but I learned how to guide it to a womans G spot. She came back often for more naked fun as foreplay allows her to see her taking me orally in the mirror. The curvature really turns us on!
--BGR
08/28

I tried Paxil and Wellbutrin off and on for years to beat my depression. With Paxil I lost my libido, some of my hair, but gained 50 lbs. Wellbutrin was just a mess of panic attacks, I had no time to care about sex. It's taken a few drug free years of cognitive therapy, but I have sex, self confidence and a life, maybe for the first time in 38 years. It's a lot harder than taking a pill to fix things and sometimes it felt like it wasn't working at all, but now I'm beginning to appreciate life's ups and downs and the fact that I can feel them. I'm sure it's not for everyone, just as some pills actually work for some people and not for others, but if you are the type that quits their meds, as I did, there's other options. I like sex. But I really like being able to feel all the love that goes with being physical with a longtime partner.
--CLMS
08/28

Great piece, an untold story of this side of meds. I'm a man on Paxil, but have actually had a rather odd side effect (apparently) . . . having gone on Paxil for several months on two separate instances in the past, my libido had waned and remained low once I came off it. I actually enjoyed this since, like the author of this piece, I was no longer dominated by a raging libido which not only drove me in constant search for sex, but also to drink/drugs/etc. However, after spending a good deal of time off Paxil, I realized it was becoming increasingly hard to even motivate myself to meet people, much less engage in flirtation/sex/etc. Not to mention I now had the added worry that my partner might not be completely sexually satisfied on account of my lack of sexual enthusiasm. In any event, I recently went on Paxil for a third time, but much to my surprise, I'm actually hornier than I've been in about two years (although by no means hornier than I was when I was 23) and my erections seem to be even stronger than before! (Perhaps I'm one of the lucky few benefited by the less likely side effects?) Not to mention I'm back off the fliration wagon and having a ball with it. Thanks Paxil!
--pilz
08/28

As a Psychology Ph.D. student that has done a decent amount of research on anti-depressants I feel that the situation described is highly unfortunate and prevalent, but not necessarily unavoidable. The sexual side effects of SSRI's are not universal, and some people only experience them with some of the SSRI's. It is recommended that you try changing your prescription(s) with your doctors aid to reduce side effects. Even for people whose libido is reduced by _all_ SSRI medications there are still other options for dealing with depression and still being randy. The so-called "atypical" anti-depressants such as Neurontin and others actually have _increased_ libido as one of their listed side effects. There are also non-chemical approaches for treating depression. Long term therapy has proven just about as effective as drugs if the person maintains treatment for a year or more. There are also some promising results from certain (neuro)bio-feedback treatments, though many of it's practitioners are quacks that will only teach you how to raise and lower your heart rate, not control your depression. I hope this information helps you and others.
--AGP
08/28

Good overview of this common and annoying side effect of antidepressant use! No need for anyone to live without a healthy sex life--if physical health is a birthright, then why not sexual health?! Both men and women who are depressed and/or on SSRI/MAO-indibitor/tri-cyclic medications to treat depression commonly find that their testosterone level is low as well. Returning testosterone levels to the normal range increases libido and reduces depressive symptoms. If your T is low, try a testosterone gel - the newest and most potent one on the market is named Testim. There's info about this new drug on www dot auxilium dot com. It can be prescribed by your MD and is available at any pharmacy. Not only does elevating testosterone result in increased effectiveness of antidepressants, it also increases the efficacy of erectile dysfunction medications! Drugs like Levitra and Viagra are pointless if you don't want to have sex in the first place, however, if you're using them and want to have sex but they're not working, check your testosterone level.
--TB
08/28

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