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Reader Feedback on "Marriage by Numbers"
Anybody with enough sense to pour piss out of a boot can look around at the destruction & see that this marriage thing is completely, apocalytpically, totally fucked. I'd rather be creepy than stupid.
--XY
02/01 |
steven, enjoyed the article, but in a few years you'll be wondering what the fuck you were worried about. marriage isn't the answer to your prayers....but maybe the catalyst to your next disaster.
--fh
07/06 |
You're not a martyr. You're an idiot. Women must smell the desperation and sheer self-involvement a mile away. Plus, you are 30, and the scent is only going to get worse. The only real advice your friends should have given you was to stop focusing so damn much on yourself. A mathematic system for the perfect woman? Shouldn't this be a Scott Baio movie from 1985?
You have some sort of pseudo-martyr/superhero thing going, it's a "poor me, but at least I'm different" thing. Please. All women want is a guy who is direct, whether he's a direct asshole bachelor or a direct pathetic "fixer-upper", but at least he has the balls to stand up for who he is. What they don't want is some guy who sits around with his friends concocting excuses for why they just haven't found that perfect girl yet. Here's something for your backpocket: the women are finding the men, and they're finding the ones out there living life, not huddled around beers with their friends wondering why they aren't married yet.
--RW
06/11 |
PS: Sometimes opposites attract!
--RH
06/01 |
Dear Steven,
i found your article very nterresting. I can't help but tell you, that I think your girl;friend probably WANTS to marry you, but probably WANTS you to ask her in a more traditional way. If the man of my deams said "lets got o Las Vegas and get married' I would also say no. Why? Because I would want him to MEAN it and be serious about it, not to do it on a whim. LV is so famous for being the place where people get married when they are drunk and later regret it.
So - grow up, do the right hting, buy a ring, ask her out to a special dinner somewhere , have them bake the ring in to a cookie or have it ready in a box, neal down and ASK HER THE WAY WE ALL WANT OT BE ASKED, NO MATTER WHO WE ARE. You may think - oh that's not her, she wouldn't want that and all I can say to you is - you'd be surprised, because we have learnt not to mention it, believe me, she probably does.
When you have your family around you in 10 yrs (or sooner) wand your kids ask you about when you proposed, wouldn't you want it to be very special?
She'll probably say yes and she wants you to do this without her tellign you it's what she wants - it has to come wholly from you.
Good luck,
Rebecca Hackemann
--RH
06/01 |
Have you tried not looking for "a wife"? You seem to be searching for an accessory, not a human being.
Perhaps you just can't get the depth of reality out on paper, but from this essay, the qualifiers of mis/match which you describe -- those make-or-break characteristics of the women you know, and the ones that you are willing to ignore out of "spontaneity" -- seem to be the stuff that doesn't matter in marriage. They don't make for a mathematics of compatibility, anyway.
You are attempting to manage relationships the way money is managed -- respecting profit margins more than humanity. You even performed a cost benefit analysis of marriage, in your discussion about expendable income -- classy!
As a final criticism: wife does not equal family. Maybe if you make sharing an all-American dream your *primary* match-making goal, and you might get the white picket life you're looking for. But frankly, that's the creepy part.
--ME
05/30 |
Clever article. I wish any adherants to the GOC well, though I don't think the GOC is a workable system when applied to the human spirit. What the guy/gal right under me said about deciding what you want most and yanking it toward yourself (perhaps by telling the Universe, "hey you, do this")sounds right to me. Anyway, it doesn't sound like any of the author's friends or relatives who adhere to the GOC have found it viable.
--MCH
05/28 |
A perfect match doesn't necessarily mean anything karmic or even perfect, I've discovered. It just means you've focused so hard on certain things about your own likes and dislikes that you've managed to yank them toward you. It's like physics: like attracts like. But that doesn't add up to a lot more than a curiosity, and definitely won't do the dishes or pay the taxes or help you agree on what kind of house to buy together someday. The music you both like will never help you when your kid is in the hospital or your house burns down or you have to place a parent in a nursing home.
Point is, when you find the marriageable "IT," it's not rateable on any scale. What makes a good match? You'll feel your absolute best when you're in it. Your feelings match, not your little things. If you're looking at a potential wife as a commodity, you're not looking hard enough at your feelings. When you've hit the mark, your feelings will overblow any scale you thought existed.
--JK
05/26 |
is this guy serious or trying to be funny? really, the only thing i can read here is not only is he author a bit of a flake but he's poised on the cusp of making the biggest mistake of his life.
steve, read this. if you don't believe me, think of this note five or seven or eight years from now. i promise you.
don't ever forget this.
--bc
05/25 |
this was good! loved this article. more from this guy.
--aaaa
05/25 |
Guess what, dude? You're only "somewhat creepy" as an unmarried guy in your 30's if you're still pretending to be in your 20's, and you're insisting on only dating twinkies 10 years younger than you. It's the delusional Peter Pan thing that creeps people out, not the unmarriedness.
--mr
05/25 |
I'd rather be a somewhat creepy guy in his 30's who's never been married than a guy in his 30's who's been divorced even once. Stay strong.
--GRB
05/25 |
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