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Reader Feedback on "Miss Information"
location location location - new places. make it risky in the city or romantic in the woods...
--km
01/30 |
strip off and dance
--BG
11/13 |
A kiddy pool and jello.
--jb
10/26 |
P.S. MORE DIRTY STORIES! xoxox Miss Info
--EB
10/20 |
Are you a loser? Heck no! As long as you're happy and getting screwed once every few moons or so, that's the most important thing. Thanks for the update, SAM. xxoxox Miss Info
--EB
10/20 |
Update from Lost in Compromise Land, AGAIN:
REM: I was heartened to read your letter of support and encouragement. GC, you sound bitter and disillusioned. I am still engaged in this business of Life, for better or worse, so I still have hope. FYI: I do look like 30; it's true that "black don't crack," but you'll never find out, will you? I am blessed with good health and with what I've been told is the body of someone half my age (who works out, that is). I'm just lucky that way. I try to maintain an open outlook on life. Please read theupdate to my original cry for help. Antidepressants affect men in an unfortunate way. Studies show their libido is more affected than women's; I needed to do the research. Viagra does not help with delayed ejaculation caused by desensitization of the penis. This condition has an otherwise normal man, whacking, smacking, cracking and thwacking the sensitive organ in the hopes of an orgasm. Truly heartbreaking. So, GC, thanks, but no thanks for your advice. I may not be rich, but I'm "perdy" fine looking and sweet.
--SAM
10/19 |
Dear Miss Information,
Update from: Lost in Compromised Land
I opened your column and to my shock came across my letter penned to you some 4 confused months ago. Since then, my widowed beau has upped his exercise regime and has grown into a buff-looking man creature who enjoys going to the gym and taking better care of his diet. He's also halved his dose of Zoloft, which has reaped remarkable results in the bedroom!His self-confidence has grown and so has my sense of well-being. Our relationship has actually gotten better, and he's finally scheduled to meet with my shrink who happens to be a couples counselor, in a couple of weeks. He says he's always wanted support and motivation to stick to a workout/diet routine, and I've provided the incentive. We work out together. However, his late wife's death 1-year anniversary is coming up in 2 weeks. He's grown depressed again, so doubled his medication and lost his mojo temporarily. I think I can't desert him at this difficult time, though you probably think I'm a loser by now. Yes, no?
--SAM
10/19 |
AJC, chill out, we're all just offering out 2 cents, no one's going to take my advice if none of it rings true for them. Besides, you're going to hate this post even more. Anyway, my advice is/was...aim to eventually get off pills WITH PROPER PROFESSIONAL HELP. I'm not saying try it on your own, or without someone who believes it's possible and will try to help you do so. All I advocated was seeking the right help and talking to them about if one can eventually get off pills...is that so terrible to advise, advising someone to ask a therapist if they're able to eventually get off pills? And it ISN'T just MY advice...there are PLENTY of doctors/professionals out there, counselling, writing books, etc, who believe our "take a pill" culture over-prescribes, to children (ADHD anyone?), to adults, etc. I didn't just make this idea up on my own based on my own experience. Rather, I have bought into what MANY professionals have been saying for years. I think we're too much into "take a pill". Rather than assuming a pill can cure everything that's "wrong" with you (which isn't always true), I think it would be better if people would assume that taking a pill can be the BEGINNING of curing what's "wrong" with you. You say I have no idea if you or "It's The Pills" need meds. True. You sound so committed to meds, I wonder if you have any idea if you need them either. You can never have any idea without the right therapist. Yes, plenty of people need meds to help "get the ball rolling" so to speak, but I think thereafter, plenty of people could eventually get off meds (& it won't take years), with the right therapy. There are plenty of doctors/professionals who believe that 99% of people, even ones with "severe" bi-polar, depression, etc, can be fine without meds. I'm inclined to agree with them. As for "Pills", if he dislikes the side-effects, it's never too early to start investigating whether there's a path that can lead to him being happy and med-free. As for "Pills" girlfriend, you assume she'd attack, but even "Pills" can't know what she'd think, at this point he just has his fears about it. But you already offered good advice about how he could broach the topic.
--JM
10/18 |
G.C.: Wow, lotta anger there; you might want to look at that. It would be sad to lose optimism that one can grow and meet a good partner, whether one is 28, 48 or 68. But it's worth noting that, contrary to most people's behavior, a bad relationship is actually worse than none at all. Compromise is good and necessary; settling is bad. Figuring out where that line is is difficult. G.C., I'm 44 and single (and male), but I've done a lot of work over the years to figure out why that is and what my role is in not having the relationship I want (and I assure you, it was not in any way due to my thinking I was "all that"). Living optimistically and with an open heart, working on oneself to be better, that's really the only way to be happy in life. This woman is honestly trying. I doesn't sound to me like this is the right guy, but I'm not living her life. But I'll tell you this: If he's not, then her attitude is the right one to lead her to finding a guy who is.
--REM
10/18 |
Dear Unhappy, let me get this straight, you're a 48 yr old woman and still optimistic? I probably ought to temper what I'm about to say, but the truth of the matter here is that if you're not rich or gorgeous or ESPECIALLY young-looking (do you look 30? probly not), you're not gonna have all that much to choose from (by that age anything even half-decent is taken or divorced for good reason), especially if you live in a place with a limited number of people to interact with. Why would you go for someone you feel is beneath you anyway? Here's a thought - water finds its level. Maybe you're not all that and should accept it, but hey, maybe you are - go ahead and prove me wrong and you won't have to write in to these b.s. advice columns.
--GC
10/18 |
I'm on meds and for the most part find Vitamin V solves the problem.
The only exception is if you are on Paxil. When I was on Paxil nothing would make it work. But as soon as I switched to other meds Viagra did the trick.
--bjc
10/18 |
JM,
You are offering medical advice when you state that everyone's goal must be to get off meds. You don't know everyone, and you are in no position to state what their goals should be.
I'm glad you posted though, because you are an illustration of what the first poster is going to have to face when he tells his girlfriend. "You don't need pills honey, just change your attitude."
Using medication and changing your attitude are not mutually exclusive. Exercise helps with depression, but I know I find it much easier to exercise when I am not lying in a dark room trying not to commit suicide. In fact, when I am in that lying-in-a-dark-room state, standing up to walk to the bathroom is as much as I can do without totally collapsing. Medication gets me out of the house, spending time with friends, working for an income, cooking, washing my dishes. Living my life as a competent person is a huge boost to the attitude.
JM, you have no idea whether or not I need medication to maintain my life as a competent adult - but you think you do based on your own experience. Neither of us know if Its The Pills needs to take meds for life or whether he's on the right meds for him, or even whether meds are a good choice at all for him right now. It's The Pills probably doesn't know for sure yet either, or his doctor. (It sounds like he hasn't been taking them that long.) But his girlfriend thinks she knows better than all of us and will tell him so. It's The Pills doesn't want to have to deal with that kind of attack on something he's doing to take care of himself, and he's right.
*** *** ***
It's The Pills,
You might want to consider taking your girlfriend with you to an appointment, either with your doctor or your psychologist. You shouldn't be made to feel as if you need to choose between your girfriend and your life, and your doctor should be able to help you guys reframe your discussions to be less polarised.
It also sounds like you could use a talk therapist to help you work through your own thoughts, goals and ideas so that you are prepared to stand your ground when challenged by someone you love.
--AJC
10/17 |
I was, years ago, very depressed, eventually went on meds, and am now med-free and happier than I ever was. And it's not due to some amazing life change...I'm still divorced (though dating), I'm not wildly in love with my job, it's not like something awesome externally happened to "make" me happy. I just learned to adjust my actions and my attitudes to promote my own happiness better. I am not nearly so upset with the bad times, and find more joy most of the time. How is this possible? I think a lot of people who take meds for psychological issues, potentially even most people, and especially people who are taking them for depression, can eventually do better without meds, provided they get the right therapy (I, personally, am a big fan of choice/reality therapy). I think for most people, meds are useful to get you into a better frame of mind so you can begin to engage in productive talk therapy. Eventually you need to get off meds though...you're not feeling the reactions you're having to your own life, then how can you change your life or your attitude into a pattern that has you feeling good? A good book in this regard is the very readable "Choice Theory" by psychiatrist William Glasser. You can read a little at about choice therapy at the William Glasser Institute. Some of these articles are NOT as as easy to read as the book, and obviously nowhere near as complete, but at least they're free to read.
http://wglasser.officewebsiteonline.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=12&Itemid=27
http://wglasser.officewebsiteonline.com/images/articles/counseling_with_ct.pdf
http://wglasser.officewebsiteonline.com/images/articles/warning_psychiatry.pdf
http://wglasser.officewebsiteonline.com/images/articles/reality_choice.pdf
--JM
10/17 |
My husband initially has erectile issues when we first met, not because he's depressed but because he's type II diabetic and a smoker (not a good combination). He's since given up the smoking (5 months - yea) and used Cialis in the meantime. Now he's getting feeling back here, there and everywhere and the ol' fella is starting to work the way it used to. The key for us was communication, patience and the use of alternative methods of pleasure aside from penetration. Now he warns alot of younger men who smoke to knock it off or they'll start losing their erection & enjoyment power once they hit their 40's - even if they aren't diabetic.
--AL
10/17 |
I am certainly not suggesting that any depressed individual not get treated. First, we don't even know if they are going to psychiatrists. Primary care physicians frequently perscribe antidepressents. It is also my opinion that people should know as much as possible about treatment options. In addition, I'm suggesting that Ms Compromise's BF should do more then simply take drugs. He should get therapy and also exercise has proven to do well in double blind studies vs medication. At the very least, the BF has a relationship problem. Anyway, this is an internet sex column and people are expressing opinions, not giving professional advice.
--TW
10/17 |
Dear Erin,
Re "It's the pills". For depression and anxiety attacks, no class of drug works as well as the SSRIs. However, as the writer laments, a very common side-effect for men is decreased libido, and/or delayed ejaculation. Although viagra does not directly increase libido, it does so indirectly by reflex arcs from the Grateful Dead. This is a good solution, and one that the writer (and his girlfriend, or not) should discuss with the person who oversees the SSRIs.
A long-term admirer
--MB
10/17 |
Literally wrestling is actually a lot of fun. I do this with my wife every now and then. Actual greco-roman wrestling starting in the traditional position and everything. Naked, of course. With orfices pre-lubed for any contingency. It's pretty clear what I get when I pin her shoulders to the ground for the count of 10 and win. But I've always wondered exactly what she would get if she won. Which hasn't happened yet.
Probably we should get her a strap-on just in case she manages to get the better of me.
--JL
10/17 |
Some of these responses are quite insensitive, even ignorant; untreated depression is life threatening. I understand that sexual side-effects are those that some people find intolerable, and I think it's legitimate to discuss this with your psychiatrist, but if you're stable on your current medication you might not want to risk upsetting the balance.
--AD
10/17 |
General comment. SSRI's are bad news for sexual functioning. It is worse then the published statistics on the insert sheets, on the off chance that anyone actually reads them (including the prescribing physicians). Wellbutrin isn't the same sort of deal killer in the sack. Anyway, whoever is prescribing these drugs should be discussing sexual side effects and possible strategies, including vitamin V. So definitely discuss this with your doctor. As for 'it's the pills' discuss with gf asap. Even if you can't get it up, she needs to know what's going on, and you can also do what you can to keep the frustration level from getting out of hand. Meanwhile Ms Compromise, you need to read your guy the riot act. Basically, if he is playing the depression card, he needs to be proactive about therapy as well as meeting your needs. Otherwise, he isn't a lover but just a pal, and you need to get cracking if you want to get laid. He's probably a great guy and all, but consider the trend, and it is going in the wrong direction.
--TW
10/17 |
First two callers: simple solution. Little blue pill. Buy it online if you're embarrassed. Better living thru chemistry.
--DIK
10/17 |
Have the guy dress up in a George Bush mask and have the girl dress up like the American flag while he fucks her - preferably up the ass.
Have him dress up like her and her like him and switch sexual roles for the evening.
Bill Clinton Mask for him/Blue Gap dress for her.
Record a Sunday morning evangelical program and fuck while the preacher is talking about sin and Jesus.
One night one partner is tied up and brought almost to the point of orgasm several times but never allowed release. The next night the roles are switched and it's the other one who is tied up, teased and denied.
She dresses up like Hilary, he dresses up like Bush. She gets a strap on and pegs him.
--BJC
10/17 |
>>> Buy a couple economy-size bottles of baby oil and several of those cheapo shower curtains. Strip down, put on some theme music, and turn your bedroom into an amateur wrestling arena. <<<
Um... I feel funny where-my-bathing-suit-covers... I think I need to go find an adult...
--M
10/17 |
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