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Reader Feedback on "Miss Information"

"FYI" is right on the money. Get some balls some day and stand up for yourself ASAP. You are your "wife's" bitch. The less shit you put up with, the better off you will be in the long run.
--
12/22

LK, I agree with you entirely. I'm glad someone else feels this way.
--MG
12/16

"Plus, let me add I've been there... confidence returns when you're not being treated like garbage." - Well put! - xoxo Miss Info
--EB
12/15

Sad & Confused, If she is “focusing on other priorities” that’s womanspeak for “this sexual relationship is over.” When she wanted to be with you, she made you a priority. There is nothing to save or rescue. However, don’t waste time and energy being sad and confused. Instead, think about what you did and said that turned her off and apply those lessons learned to making the next relationship better. For example, you say “we have mutual loving feelings.” Her actions and words are saying they are not mutual. If she loved you, she'd be running toward you, not away from you. That means you overrated her interest in you. Like a lot of guys, you likely let your interest in her blind you to her diminished interest in you. Go back and think about what warning signs (actions/words) came days/weeks before her “focused on other priorities” exit speech that you missed or chose not to look at, so that you can recognize and act on them earlier next time. Second example, “we have awesome communication.” The more we men talk, the more trouble we get ourselves in. Next time, talk less. A lot less. Make her take her time to get to know you. Don’t rush it. You’ll last longer. Lastly, though Miss Info is great, find yourself some good men with more recent dating experience to learn from. Despite some people’s misguided desire for a unisex society, we men and women are different. Very different. Nowhere are these differences more evident than in the dating jungle. If you want more understanding and less heartbreak in your dating future, learn from men how to be “the man,” not women. Good luck.
--FYI
12/14

Dear Miss Information, I'm a divorced dad whose been dating for about the past year and a half. For the past couple of months, I've been seeing a wonderful and beautiful woman. Things moved along pretty fast, and blossomed into a pretty intense relationship with mutual loving feelings between us, great sex, and awesome communication. Recently though, things took a bad turn, when she backed off, saying she didn't want to "put me on hold" becuase she needs to focus on other priorities. She is an overstressed single mom dealing with a maxed out schedule of work and night school. She's also trying to find an apartment, and on top of that, she and her son both got colds at the same time. To make matters worse, she gets little help from her ex with the child. I hate the prospect of losing her completely, and I truly respect her needs for time and space, even if it means I have to be patient for a little while until things settle down in her life. I told her this, but she insists that she needs to focus. It's as if she can't seem to see that her circumstances will improve. I'm willing to wait, but I can't wait forever. Assuming that her feelings haven't changed ( I realize it's possible they may have), what can I do or say to rescue this budding realationship? Sad & Confused
--cpr
12/14

Regarding "Insecure". It's unfortunate that your advice for this poor guy was that he needs to talk to his wife and go to therapy. I'm a regular reader, and I can't help but think you'd advise a woman to do exactly that, rather than to come back for more. It seems pretty clear that his wife probably already has been with the ex (for a second round), and if not, will soon. What he needs is to get away from this abusive, unfaithful woman who is destroying his confidence. Maybe he does need to get to the root of why he might stay with (or woo back) someone who treats him this way, but if he was my friend I'd first advise he make an immediate break. Plus, let me add I've been there... confidence returns when you're not being treated like garbage.
--MD
12/13

To insecure: your situation is way too similar to something I was/am in. Do both things Miss Info advises and do them fast. You;re sticking your head in the noose and she's lingering, might or might not kick away the stool. Confront her. Figure out why you're putting your fate in her hands. Best of luck.
--CD
12/13

"Dump her now" is too harsh. But I agree you need to have a candid talk and to set up ground rules. I'm friends with a lot of my ex'es as is my girlfriend. Our simple rule is: No private relationships. That doesn't mean we can't spend time alone with an ex, but it does mean that any ex who wants to be in my life has to be in my girlfriend's as well, and vice versa. I have two ex'es who are having trouble with this (they purport to be in love with me). I've given them an ultimatum: I am not seeing you again until you are comfortable spending time in the company of my girlfriend and me. If your wife won't agree to that, then I would think about saying you want a separation with a view to divorcing.
--REM
12/12

To Mr. Inappropriate: 2 Girls 1 Cup. Checkit.
--kk
12/12

Insecure, She cheated on you during the exclusive dating phase and you wooed her back? Is that a joke? Then you got back together (when she felt like using and abusing you some more and you agreed) and you married her? How clueless are you? You should’ve kicked that cheating bitch to the curb the moment she broke your trust. Then you ask if you are “being silly” because your wife is telling you she wants to sex up her ex-boyfriend (which likely means it’s already happened surreptitiously before and during your marriage)? Dude, do you have any brains or testosterone? Was there no father figure in your life to teach you how to be a man? Dump. Her. Now. Then, get to therapy so you can become a significantly better you. Then, find some real men to mentor you about the opposite sex so you’ll be ready to learn how to avoid bitches like your “wife” in the dating jungle and invest yourself only in good women. Though you’ve got some major work to do, in the long run, you’ll be much better off.
--FYI
12/12

>> If you're bi-friendly you could always take her out and try >> to seduce her. While this might just be a tongue-in-cheek aside, meant for a joke, in the event that it isn't, I feel I must disagree. If they're monogamous, then trying to seduce the chick is no more ok than it would be to try and seduce the fella. I don't care how bi you are. And, oh man, the rudeness of seducing someone just so you can get into her man's pants. ~facepalm~ Please, do not go there.
--LK
12/12

This has been one of your best advices so far. Kudos lady!
--EG
12/12

Insecure, you and your wife need to agree on a rule: No in-person visits with ex-lovers unless the other one of you is physically present, no exceptions. Otherwise, the temptation is too great. If she complains about this rule, then say, well, you won't mind then if I hang out with my ex-girlfriend, who has since become a famous porn star, without you, right? If she says she has no problem with that, then your relationship is indeed in trouble.
--JCF
12/12

1) Let me get this straight now...Simpsons quotes are nerdy? Damn. There goes my macho cred. 2) "Insecure" -- You're not insecure, you're smart. Your wife sounds like she doesn't give a crap. If her attitude doesn't improve dramatically (as opposed to her just learning to be sneakier), then lose her. You'll save yourself a lifetime of (your own) craziness. And Miss Info is right, get a therapist to bounce shit off. Your wife's obviously NOT on your side, so someone should be.
--
12/12

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