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Reader Feedback on "Miss Information"
Maybe judging people by the car is a GOOD thing.
After all, if women didn't find drive and ambition attractive, what would all us fat/balding/"nice" guys do for romance?
--TR
02/22 |
LOL!
"We'd all be better off if we stopped trying to explain away people's actions or infer meaning that isn't there. For further reading, please see "(Get That) Dirt Off Your Shoulder" by the illustrious Jay-Z. "
Indeed.
--MC
02/21 |
Okay, we need to shun and ostracize people who use "totes" from now on. Shame on Miss Info!
; )
--me
02/21 |
i think there have been plenty of instances someone has said "you need to marry a girl with a better car," in so many words - for a lot of people, drive and ambition are things that are incredibly attractive and neccessary in a partner. and isn't that what a relationship is? a partnership, a companionship, etc etc. while i understand where you are coming from, i think miss info's anecdote serves as a prosaic summary of what that relationship was to her - a good guy with uncertain intentions and a shitty car does not neccessarily make a great life partner. we weren't involved in it at all, other than as readers of her love advice column on the innernets, so we don't know much else than that. i think there are men who are told the same thing - but like she said a few comments below, it depends on what you're looking for and willing to work through. i personally gravitate towards ambitious, autodidactic, creative people who naturally seem to want something more. i don't really care if they are rich or poor, or what kind of car they drive. i just want to know that they are striving for something, becuase i am, and i always will be.
--clk
02/20 |
E.B., I didn't mean to imply you were a golddigger! I figured the guy was chronically listless, stoned and/or irresponsible. What troubles me is more the *way* we talk about this stuff, if that makes sense -- the idea that we can use a guy's car as a metonym for his ambitions and personal together-ness, and that it seems like a natural, even inevitable metaphor. And I do feel like a guy's financial success and achievements are "coded" into our opinion of his overall worth, in a way that we all sort of take for granted: I have a hard time imagining anyone saying to a guy "You need to marry a girl with a better car", you know? Or as a friend's crazy aunt once told me, "Everybody thinks they're real tough, but no woman ever stops worrying she's fat, and no man ever thinks he makes enough money. You can always take 'em down a peg that way."
--S.F.
02/20 |
Ha! I just said finance instead of fiance. LOVE IT. Have a field day with that one. - Miss Info
--EB
02/20 |
Hey S.F. - Miss Info here. While I agree that judging someone by material success alone is shitty, I also think it's blind to say that current financial status is not at least a little bit of a reflection on a person's character. While I would gladly have stayed with a broke finance were he getting a Master's Degree or putting himself through med school or even working in a low income field like teaching or non-profit, it was hard (very hard) to muster up sympathy for someone who made very little dough and was irresponsible (buying booze, pot, CDs, motorcycles, toys, etc. while checks were bouncing) with what nickels he DID have. I'm about as far away from gold digger as you can get - I've made more money than just about every guy I've dated. All I ask for is an equal. Not in dollar signs, but responsibility and motivation. ***End of diatribe :)*** p.s. I still love the Kanye West song.
--EB
02/20 |
XX - More that the equation is so naturally made between a man's material possessions and his ambitions, or his worth as a partner. (You could say that's materialism, but I think there's another layer to it, too.) I realize that it was a kind of shorthand in the situation -- "your dude is going nowhere", basically -- but the fact that the driver and E.B. both resonated with that particular way of putting it...I still think it says something about the way we think, and about the poisonous note that commerce and finance can inject into our relationships. (There are also a few loaded words here, too, which I don't think is really EB's intention. Anyone who's ever read more than a half-dozen online personals knows that in W4M ads, "ambitious" is often code for "makes a lot of money". And for that matter, "What kind of car do you drive?" is, at least in some circles, a notorious red flag when asked on a first date.)
--S.F.
02/20 |
Why S.F.? Because she's being materialistic? Or are you saying she should have enough self esteem to know not to hook up with losers already?
--XX
02/20 |
I must disagree on the ice. No, it should not be inserted like a tampon, but tracing and dripping the skin all over the body on a hot night is fairly magnificent.
--LD
02/20 |
"You need to marry a guy with a better car." Even though I appreciate the context, something about this -- and, more so, the fact that it was a watershed moment for you -- still makes me a little sad.
--S.F.
02/20 |
erin, you are hilarious. ladypocket!?! amazing
--hlj
02/20 |
Interesting! This is like Encyclopedia Brown. -Miss Info
--EB
02/20 |
Hmm, I wonder if the "I am pregnate" could have come from a guy who is really saying "I impregnate." I dunno, stranger things have happened.
--SK
02/20 |
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