REGULARS

Reader Feedback on "Miss Information"

This is one of your best weeks, E. Awesome column as always, but with an even larger than usual scoop of empathy. Well said.
--M
05/26

If I were in the bumper-sticker business, I'd market one with "HAVE YOU BLESSED YOUR EX TODAY?". Best break-up therapy I can think of (even for agnostics).
--TP
05/23

Post-break up: See your close friends, the ones who truly care for you, make you laugh, and make you feel awesome. Don't overeat or drink too much! Go for walks. Buy one really cool thing you didn't want to buy before because of cost (after my last break up I bought a really expensive body scrub), but don't max out your cards or anything. Don't start dating again right away. Get your sleep, take your vitamins. Just be really nice to yourself. And, at the risk of sounding really corny, remember that this is one chapter of your life. Things always get better.
--CLI
05/22

Don't fill the void with food. You'll regret it later.
--fh
05/22

Thanks Miss Info. I've saved a copy of your advice for future reference as I'm going through a really tough breakup right now. I also found the book 'why we love' by Helen Fisher helpful. It talks about love on a scientific level - goes through a lot of stuff but I bought it for the section on how to get over lost love. May be of interest to you as well.
--EFP
05/21

Re: The time limits thing = I'm really, really glad you wrote that, Miss Info. Sometimes the "ouch" never really goes away.
--MM
05/21

Great article on getting over an ex - I have had a very similar experience and hearing your last comment about putting no limits on it is dead right... Thanks
--PJH
05/21

One thing to consider while recovering from a breakup is who your ex actually is. You may be mourning the loss of your fantasy of who the person was, rather than the person him/herself. This is especially true in short-lived relationships. With your new perspective, list what made the person so special, and see if these things hold up to reality. Given that you are so upset and/or surprised at being dumped, there are probably some incorrect beliefs to weed out.
--BS
05/21

I suspect this won't be popular advice here, but the best thing you can do to get over a breakup is treat yourself as if you've been very, very sick and need to heal physically and emotionally. In other words - after the first day or two at least - no booze. No overeating. No long tearful discussions with friends. No angry emails. No drama. REPEAT: no drama. Make a project out of being healthier than you ever have been in your life. Eat well. Exercise. Drink water. Go to bed early, get up early. Read good books you've been putting aside. Clean your apartment, get rid of anything you don't need. Wash your car. Take up yoga or meditation. Cut way, way down on media consumption, and throw yourself into whatever interests you have that sustain you - gardening, building stuff, hiking, painting, soccer, whatever your thing is. Take up something new you've always been interested in. There's an old rule about sadness - when you're sad, the best cure is to learn something. Engage your mind to distract your heart. After a while, you'll feel better, and you won't have wasted months of your life in wallowing. Healing is a slow process. You can't make it happen, you can only set up the best conditions for it to progress.
--kjw
05/21

Really great post-breakup advice. Especially that there is no secret formula to get over the heartache. Sometimes it just hurts. Bad. For a long time. I would just add that staying busy helps a lot, especially through the early days. Even if you're just watching tv or playing video games, try to get a roommate or a friend to join, b/c you're more likely to interact with them rather than slipping into the funk of dwelling on the ex.
--JO
05/21

hey Miss I, you give great advice, i've just got to say. i used to read your column after another favorite columnist (dan savage) but now i read you first. i still love dan but i love you, too!!! thanks for all : )
--hs
05/21

Can't Think of a Witty Handle, She doesn�t want you and she isn�t thinking about you. Every time you think of her remind yourself of those facts. Remind yourself that you are wasting time that could be better spent on dates with women who do want you. Also, I�d think about what you did to push her away (get too heavy, too fast; excessive emoting, etc.) so that you don�t make the same mistakes next time. For example, when you come on too strong, too fast, a woman quickly loses respect for you. A woman can only sexually desire you as much as she respects you. That�s why, despite what most dating experts will tell you, dating is much more fun for her and you when she is swooning over you and you are holding back. Fun, playful women (the best ones to date) love to chase their not-so-compliant men. Finally, though EB is great, you should be seeking dating advice from men, not women. Man up, dude.
--FYI
05/21

I'd agree with your advice to the first dude that he isn't gay - except that his admission of homophobia makes me think he's much, much more gay than straight.
--BJC
05/21

Ah, time after a break-up. Once I lost a lot of weight, another time I slept with everything with a penis. The weight guy, he dumped me 12 years ago and I still read his blog (though, to be fair to me, we were friends in high school and I was madly in love with him for 4 years before we dated, so he was the First Love and all that, plus he's really creative and always has something interesting going on); the promiscuity guy, it's been 3.5 years since he dumped me, and I _just_ started to get over him. I directly spoke to his wife (yep, the one he dumped me for) for the first time a month ago, and didn't go home and cry after seeing him. It may seem to people that I hold on too long, but that's 2 guys out of the 40 I've slept with, plus unnumbered others I've dated, hung out with, or made out at a party with. I don't give my heart lightly. Very few people "speak" to me, and therefore I miss them for a lot longer, I think.
--ALR
05/21

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