I agree with PWC -- an "open relationship" is a very specific solution for a fairly rare combination of two people who both feel a certain way about love and relationships. As much as it's preached as a one-size-fits-all solution by those who practice it, very rarely is it successfully maintained by even those proponents, much less your random 20-year-old. Just break up with him. You always have the chance to get back together later in life, after you've sown your wild oats (assuming he's still interested).
-- - M
11/15 |
I think suggesting an open relationship to a 20 year old is harmful. Would you have been able to handle an open relationship when you were that age? Based on this girl's letter do you think she could actually handle it?
--PWC
11/14 |
great answers to the questions -- i haven't been around for a while and forgot how much fun it is to read you. by the way, i'll be winning that contest this week!
simply scott
http://simplyscott.wordpress.com/
--dsm
11/12 |
Lost - There are many forms of "love" - we can love our pets, our families, our friends and of course, I don't doubt that you love your bf but what it is not is the passionate/sexual love that most of us want in our romantic partners.
A couple years ago I was in the *exact* same situation. My ex-fiance was my first sex partner and I loved him greatly but I always knew that something was amiss. I, too, had the low-sex-with-the-boyfriend-drive. He would joke about this but the thing is, I was masturbating and wanting to be sexual but not with him so I just masturbated and denied my sexual feelings until our engagement. I realized at this point, I could no longer live like this - not for the REST OF MY LIFE (which is what people are trying to promise with marriage). And so, I moved out.
Almost 2 years have passed since then and yes, there have been ups and downs (and horizontals) but I would NEVER give up these past years and the way I've grown. It took almost this amount of time for my ex-fiance to tell me that it was the right decision because we are 2 different people and that was so amazing to hear because I have felt guilty that I left but honestly, I feel like I have myself back and nothing compares to that.
Best of luck.
--KJM
11/11 |
Yeah, Lost, the real advice is a lot simpler if the adviser is not getting paid by the word: You're 20. Dump him. Go forth and fuck. It'll take you about 2 weeks to realize how amazingly better off you are.
--PO
11/11 |
Love the mantra--great advice on the first letter!
--HSJ
11/11 |
Don't get married at 20 unless you want to be divorced by 25. Caring about someone is not the same as being in love with them. It may seem painful, but it will be far more painful for both of you to be in a sexless marriage for the next 50-70 years of your lives, be in a relationship where your partner is cheating on you and/or go through a divorce. At minimum call off the engagement and give it a few years to see how things go. Why get married now?
--AB
11/11 |
It's hard to effectively measure passion when you're 20. If the thoughts of sex with other guys are just thoughts, that's normal and is never going to go away. You'll always secretly consider what it would be like to be with that other guy, even if you're deeply in love with the one you're with and would never leave or cheat on him. The thing is, this one guy sucked up most of your high school and early adulthood dating years, when everyone else is trying out different types of people and deciding what they like the most. Maybe this guy isn't very good at sex, and you don't know why, because no one's ever done it right with you. You're missing that opportunity. Is that OK? That's the big question, and only you can decide it.
--JCF
11/11 |
Lost, If you are not attracted to your boyfriend and you want to sex up lots of other guys, you don’t love your boyfriend. Do the right thing. Let him go. Get your own place. Then bang whomever you want.
--FYI
11/11 |
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