How awful to realize I've been that girl (minus the herpes). Thanks for writing this story. It helps to shed a little light on the male mind...
Becky
--BAJ
01/08 |
to tell wear they had sex and when they had sex
--1
07/01 |
to tell wear they had sex and when they had sex
--
07/01 |
I really liked the column. I'm a girl in a similar situation and sometimes it's refreshing to get a glimpse inside what guys are really thinking. It's easier to cut my losses and move on. Good writing. Looking forward to the next one.
--N
08/12 |
At least the young lady who had sex with you was honest about her herpes. It's rather sad that you made the comment that, (I'm paraphrasing) if you weren't so horny, you probably wouldn't have considered having casual sex with her because of her herpes. I applaud her for telling you about her condition and it was the only right thing to do, but mentalities like the one in your thoughts later on that night often contribute to people NOT telling their partners about an STD they have, whatever it may be. Those of us with an STD need more understanding from our partners, even if the sex is casual.
--PB
08/12 |
The whole posting thing with inserting web site adresses seems more like spam.What are you inserting your url here for?
--BG
10/01 |
"What kind of an idiot has casual sex with someone with herpes, whether or not it's in remission?"
Lots of people do. About 25 - 30% of the population has herpes - and most don't know it. And up to 80 or 90% of the population has oral herpes, which can be transmitted genitally through oral sex. I got tested (ask your doctor for an IgG type specific herpes blood test) and found out I had it, despite never having a recognizable outbreak. Regardless, I've had my share of casual sex both before and after I knew I had herpes. Having herpes (or any STD) does not mean you can't still lead an active and fulfilling sex life. The transmission rate *without condoms*, just avoiding sex during outbreaks, is less than 4%/year from women to men, and 8% or so from men to women - and suppressive therapy cuts that in half. I urge you to do some research on herpes and STDs in general - it's good to be informed :-)
--ejc
06/15 |
Wow...HL has quite a high opinion or him(her)self...Everyone...say goodbye to Nerve because HL is taking it off his favorites so this site HAS to go down now.
Nice start on the new column...it felt a bit too much like an apology, but maybe that was the point. Just think...the poor girl had to spill her guts about the herpes only to learn...18 months later...that she'd have to do it again the to next guy.
--JMK
05/13 |
Hmph. Neal Pollack puts the bad in Bad Sex writing. Maybe it should be called Boring Sex With Neal Pollack. Here's a tip: in a Bad Sex column worth reading, Neal's dick would become a festering dripping sore, and his Sorts Fan Fuck Buddy would knock him upside the head with a baseball bat in public. That's bad. The next column better be about the time you took it in the ass on a bet in front of a live audience, or your goddamned psuedo-hipster yellow and orange Aryan nation soft core gen x piece of shiot website is gonna be taken off my favorites list. Webby award my ass. This website is Starbucks.
--HL
05/10 |
Liked your story and no, I wasn't thinking what an idiot you are for having sex with a herpoid. I have been married seven years, with my hubby 14 and I have the dread ailment. He doesn't and we have a ball. No condoms, no problems, only common sense and a good diet.
Thanks for the sincere and honest story. You sound like a good guy.
--PB
05/10 |
Only one of the many relationships in which a guy felt more excited and free to have hot, experimental sex because he was not on the hook to 'care'. Hey, she was just a sports buddy.
--adb
05/10 |
Love the idea for the column, like you said - cinematic sex occurs pretty rarely in real life, and I'd much rather read about the time when the fucking condom fell off inside her and didn't come out for 3 days, you know? That's something I think Nerve readers can identify with, features on "My best menage-a-trois story" are pretty useless...
Entertaining writing.
-C
--
05/10 |
The sex was never once unprotected. Perhaps I should have mentioned my fetish for condom use.
Neal
--NP
05/08 |
Neal needs to do a little Herpes research. He doesn't outright say it but he infers he had unprotected sex with a woman who has Herpes and did not contract the STD. However small the chance, it is possible to contract Herpes and never have an outbreak, or have a very minor outbreak and not notice. While the greatest chance of contracting Herpes is during an outbreak it can be contracted at other times as well.
So welcome to the Wonderful World of STDs. While I did my research I was never able to find even an estimate of the possibility of contracting Herpes in this manner I did find out it is possible.
Mr. Pollack may have Herpes, however small the chance. To state he doesn't is incorrect.
--BK
05/07 |
i thoroughly enjoyed this piece. i'm wondering why so many are quick to point out what they think should have happened. i'm quite sure that mr. pollack is not going to call the girl and say "hey, i know this happened almost a decade ago... i wrote a column about what happened, and some person i don't know said i should have told you i was just in it for sex." one of the caveats of bad sex is that it can be guilt inducing, even later and unexpectedly. to that purpose, this essay accomplishes what it set out to do.
--k
05/07 |
Has it ever occurred to you that maybe she would be unhappy (annoyed) about it, since she wasted her time on you and what sounds like bad sex for her (biting nipples? hard and fast?) and then some girl is marrying you and chances are your technique hasn't improved much?
--at
05/07 |
A male friend recommended this site to me and this column. I'm the woman; we've been friends for 20 years; and we've had sex, and we've lived through it -- and are still great friends. But, heck, it was only luck that kept us on the same page--it's not like we talked it through. I like the concept and the stories. We muddle through and sometimes it really works -- and sometimes it don't. Thanks.
--clk
05/07 |
I forgot to mention I met Neal 'bout a year ago. I liked his work. I thought he was hot in that am-I-agro-enough?-huh?-huh?! kind of way. It's quite the dose of reality to see him writing a colomn about his bad sex (or bad additude about sex, that is). Reality is good, not stimulating in this case, but interesting reading.
--EWW
05/07 |
Interesting to hear the flip side of that situation; I lived the girl's part of it, only our fetish was bass fishing. Yeah, I had romantic feelings for the guy, kept it mostly to myself so I could keep on gettin' the goods. After three years or so, I finally realized I didn't expect more because deep down I thought I didn't deserve it, not because I didn't want it. It was good practice for the real thing...and it WAS real hot.
--EWW
05/06 |
Pollack wrote that last one.
--ML
05/06 |
Yeah right Pollack. The best sex you had during that time was jacking off in the Sovereign Steam Room, while looking at Mr. Hahn sleeping on his recliner by the pool.
--SRF
05/06 |
i too once had a fuck buddy for a period of about 3 years.
after toiling with ,"why am i good enough to fuck but not marry, we made a go at being serious and needless to say i figured it out. he was the one that was good enough to fuck but not marry :)
--CP
05/06 |
If you had just SPOKEN about what you really wanted, than she probably would have been fine with it and not allowed her emotions to get involved but as ususal, a typical friggin' man can't be honest about anything!
--Sk
05/05 |
Explain to me the "bad" aspect of this "bad sex" : finding a nice girl who's into having crazy sex, sans commitment, three times a week? That she was unlucky enough to have a stigmatized skin condition, but told you ahead of time so you could be aware that you could get it from her (but you didn't get it)? That she developed feelings for you (that she largely hid and kept your relationship uncomplicated)? That the Bulls eventually started to suck?
I love the idea behind this column but thought the only vaguely "bad" thing about it was the author's obliviousness, which is pretty typical of youth and not so bad at all.
--mm
05/05 |
Very nice story, but I don't really see were the BAD comes in. You have killer sex three times a week with a sexy lady, watching sport and drinking beer. You never contract herpies and end the story with the fact that you are getting married. Congratulations. And the sexy lady was a bit gutted because she enjoyed the times you spent togeather...
--JJVP
05/05 |
I don't want to offend anyone, so let me just say when I say 'typicaly' or 'most', I really am speaking in the most general terms.
Anyway, sounds to me like when she was asking how you felt you immediately thought it had to do with the sex part of the relationship advancing into more. However, I think it would have been wise to think of the question as just a friend asking another friend "what's up?".
It seems most men (straight or gay) fear the intimacy part of realationships. It sounds like she really did have those deeper relationship feelings for you in the end. Perhaps if you think of the intimacy part as friends, and the sex part as sex, and stick it out, the two may eventually mesh into one...? This way seemingly avoiding the initial fear of intimacy. That way, when the commitment issue comes up later, you may realize that you're already there. What do I know though, I'm gay and single, and mid 20's. But this is what i'm going to experiment with for my next relationship. Who knows, maybe the commitment issue came up becuase you were ment to marry the other girl. Thus graduating from basketball sex.
Sadly, the striaght guy-girl friendships never seem to get too intimate (no sex). When they do though, whatch out! They're the best! Every straight guy should have a best girl friend. Woman realy have a great perspective to add. Really, I'm not just giving my fag hag's props.
--AVW
05/04 |
I'm looking forward to reading more "bad sex" experiences. Good idea for a column; great writing.
--cw
05/04 |
So one guy's bad sex stories...just one guy? What, does he just have a lot of really bad sex? Yes, it is an interesting slice of life, these bad sex stories we weave, but just listening to one person's bad sex stories all the time...I thought they paid people to do that.
--cc
05/04 |
The writing has excellent motion, edges the mire without falling in, and is believable. Of course a lot of us will regret that Neal could be with a woman for a year and a half and not realize she had any feelings for him. But we were all young once, and every one of us made 'coming of age' mistakes. Those of us who made the most similar mistakes to Neal's will probably dislike this story the most, too. Commendations on a neat, honest little story that doesn't turn into a diary entry and keeps its ashamed innocence.
--JK
05/04 |
every other tuesday might be all we can stomach. be thankful she told you in advance of her having herpes. this wasn't bad sex, just a man behaving badly.
--jmj
05/04 |
this deserves a column? I'd call it "sucky stories by Neal Pollack." This is a windbag's bloat masquerading as... I don't know, an anecdote? Yikes!
--JF
05/04 |
When I was in my 20s, I never recognized a woman's true love as opposed to pure lust. Thing is, I'm in my 50s now... and just figuring it out.
Maybe typically male behavior... maybe just typically me.
Neal: Keep writing.
--bjm
05/04 |
Not only did she really like you, she appears to have been an entirely decent woman, unlike the former and unfortunately unforgettable fuck buddy I had. After a few weeks of booty call sex, the blisters appeared on my dick and THEN she admits, "Oh yeah, I have herpes. It was supposed to be in remission though." You have no idea how much I would have liked to have known that from the start. Maybe I would have stopped. Maybe I would have gone ahead with the fling. But I really would have liked to have had that choice.
--jp
05/04 |
wow...dude...so she really liked you...that is just so ...deep man.. i think the other students in this high school will really dig it too...
Maybe you could write something about smoking a reefer too, one time...? just to keep it interesting, you know?
--eva
05/04 |
I am glad to see someone dedicating a whole series of column on this particular slice from life. I seem to spend an exuberant amount of time myself dwelling on all my own bad sex experiences... ah memories, all the ways it can make me feel proud...
http://www.schemamag.ca
--Y!
05/04 |
What 'insight' is that? I saw nothing but a dull story about a typical friend fucking friend scenario. Bad sex? you forgot to mention bad, boring writing.
Let's move on, please.
----cc
05/04 |
i love this writer. he's going to get flak for this piece, but i like the way he's unafraid to look really shallow and not so interesting. he does it, if it's possible with a insight and perspective that makes it worth reading.
--
05/04 |
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