Ten Odd Things The World Likes In Their Porn

Because you can't think of Romania without also thinking of "mom and son" porn.

BY NICK KEPPLER

Porn MD, the meta search engine that yields results from a slew of streaming smut sites, apparently has a scholarly streak. The site recently came up with a Global Internet Porn Habits Map. The infograph lists the top ten Porn MD searches for different countries and U.S. states. It is a fascinating view into the psychosexual consciousness of nations. Or, maybe, just a funny look into what people in various locales jerk off to. Here are ten random observations:

1) Residents of the states that have some of the best, most historic universities (New York, Connecticut, Massachusetts) tend to search "college" as their top youth-related term. The further west you go, the more people prefer "teen." Not everyone in the world is so fond of euphemisms, though. The top search in Iceland is the rather direct "teenagers fucking."

2) Despite the EU's steps towards transcontinental unity, Europeans tend to stay pretty ethnocentric while searching for people doin' it. The top search term in Germany is "German," number one in Russia is "Russian," the favored word in the U.K. is "British," etc. 

3) The region of the U.S. that has, historically speaking, been the most violently hateful towards black people is the region that most likes to see them naked. "Ebony" is the top search across the Deep South. To the anti-porn sect this might be proof that what we denigrate in real life we denigrate in porn. To the sex positive, it might be a tremendous show of racial progress. I'm just going to call it sorta fucked up.

4) Porn MD has a handy filter system that allows users to specify straight, gay or tranny. For ranking purposes, a gay or tranny search of a word is considered a separate search; i.e. "French" is the most popular search term in France and "French (gay)" is the fifth. Terms with the gay parenthetical rarely make the top ten in North America, Europe, Africa and Oceania but explode in South America and the Middle East — religious regions where international porn sites might be one of the few sexual outlets for gay men. Nine of the top ten searches in Chile are for gay porn, and all of the top searches in Peru are for it. (Number four is "Justin Beiber (gay).") President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad claims there are no homosexuals in Iran, so we wonder who is searching for "daddy love (gay)," "hotel businessman (gay)" and "shower (gay)," which are respectively the fourth, sixth and eighth most popular searches in his country.

5) The lists are not without local color. Among the top searches in Maine is "Alexis Wright," the Kennebunk-based Zumba madam, and one of the most searched terms in Italy is "Sara Tommasi," a porn star socialite who has partied with ex-president Silvio Berlusconi. Alaskans are looking for "Lisa Ann," the actress who hit pay dirt by portraying a Sarah Palin stand-in in a 2008 porn spoof and the inevitable string of sequels.

6) Eastern Europeans like to search for well-known, usually American porn stars. Sasha Grey makes the top ten in Russia, Mariah Milano cracks the list in Romania and four of the ten most frequent searches in the Ukraine are for brand-name porn stars (if you count Kim Kardashian). However, they are absent from the lists of most of Western Europe where "amateur" tends to be a popular search. Maybe counties on a healthier socialist track are more sexually inclined to the underdog. 

7) The central U.S. likes creampies. It's the top search in Oklahoma, Nebraska, Kansas and North Dakota. Can anyone explain this? I can't. 

8) Civil war rages on among Iraqi masturbators. Ethnic and linguistic terms, like "Kurdish," "Arab," and "Bangla" are being loaded into Porn MD.

9) In Romania, the top search there is "mom and son," which comes in at number two in neighboring Hungary. That's weird, but even weirder when you consider the search did not even make the top ten of any other place in Europe (In Morocco, it is far down the list at number seven). One theory: Both Romania and Hungary were later than their European peers in relaxing incest laws. What is more taboo tends to be more arousing. Still, ewww…

10) Lebanon might be the most inexplicably peculiar country. The top search there is "sleeping girl." Also in the top ten are "shit orgy," "hairy arab," "big legs (gay)" and "futanaria" (a genre of anime featuring hermaphrodite women). All these top searches are exclusive to Lebanon.

Commentarium

comments powered by Disqus