5. "Can You Commit To Writing A Product Review If Given 14 Days' Time?"
Two weeks to masturbate (or have toy-supplemented sex) and then decide if it was good or not seems like a really long time. If you can't commit to that, you should probably re-evaluate how you're spending your weekends.

6. "Do You Currently Have A Mailing Address Or P.O. Box?"
At this point, the quiz started to feel like one of those health questionnaires you fill out at the doctor's office. I was just waiting for someone to start coughing into my mouth and the lights to suddenly morph into gross fluorescent pore-magnifiers. Where's the question about which Breakfast Club character I relate to most?

7. "Are You 18 Years Of Age Or Older?"
I doubt anyone younger than eighteen is taking this quiz, because people under eighteen have all those AOL Parental Control restrictions on their internet browsing, right?

8. "Which Of The Following Most Accurately Describes You?"
And my options — the possible descriptors of the sum total of my being — were:

a) sex addict
b) average man or woman
c) prude
d) prostitute

This made me half-collapse in laughter because the choices are obviously ridiculous, but presented as if they're completely practical representations of all members of the human race. According to Cha Cha, if I'm not precisely, mathematically average, then I'm either getting paid for sex, addicted to sex, or fairly consistently against having sex. Being that I didn't fall under either A, C, and D, I went with "average," but for the record, I'm not happy about it.

The Cha Cha bots took some time calculating what my answers meant, and decided I was an "Ideal Candidate" for sex-toy testing. Cha Cha also informed me that 98.5% of people who took the quiz got the same answer. I got the feeling that if I were to take a quiz to determine if I would be a qualified food tester, the mere fact that I have a mouth and a stomach would make me a shoo-in. Even though I'm not looking to change careers anytime soon, it's comforting to know that both I, and basically everyone else in the world, has something to fall back on.


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